Page 46 of Spy With Me
She sighed, and he felt her roll over. The bed was whatpassed for a double in the States, so she was always close. “Or you could talkto me.”
“I thought we weren’t doing that.” It wasn’t like theydidn’t talk. They had fallen into a completely congenial friendship. Or maybethey were two people existing in what passed for harmony now.
“I think you should go with my flow, Zach. It’s late, andit’s easy for me to pretend the rest of our shit doesn’t matter. What if inhere we’re friends? Nothing more. Nothing less. Just friends. I don’t thinkwe’ve been that.”
“I felt like you were my friend. I felt like… I don’t thinkI’ve felt closer to a person than I felt to you.” The minute the words were outof his mouth he regretted them. He should have talked about what she wasworking on or the game they played earlier tonight where she’d beaten the hellout of Lacey, who had tried to cover how much it irritated her. Yeah. Theycould have talked about Lacey and her weird vegan “I love animals but willassassinate a human” vibe.
She didn’t like to talk about them. Oh, she would talk aboutthings related to him. Like finding his mom and how his dad was embedded withHuisman and how worried he was about his aunt who was currently somewhere inthe Pacific Northwest living out all herNomadlandfantasies. But whenhe tried to broach the subject of them, she shut him down.
“Sorry,” he said, not waiting for her to ice him out or tellhim he was pushing. “How did the dress design session go? Have you foundsomeone who can actually make it?”
“I know a ton of seamstresses in DFW. Kala is finally happythat I put in some pockets so she can hide weapons, and I made it floor lengthbut with a fuller skirt and a little place where she can tear it away in caseshe needs to fight hand to hand.”
“Uhm, it’s her wedding not a battle.”
She was quiet, but he could feel her stare. “Tell that to mycousin Carys.”
He winced. Okay. Her cousin’s wedding had been interruptedby a helicopter attack, so he would give it to Kala for being prepared. “Heard.So she’s happy with the design now? Can you get it done in time? I’m stilltrying to understand why they have to do it now. Shouldn’t they wait untilthings calm down? The weird thing is I think my…Cooper is the one pushing.”
“Well, when you chase after a woman for as long as yourbrother did, I’m sure you’re ready to get things nailed down once she says yes.Sometimes less. I think you mentioned marriage on our fourth date.”
He went super still. He remembered the moment. They weresitting in a diner after a movie they’d seen with Coop and Kala, and he’d madea passing remark that he and Devi would probably be married before Tasha andDare. “I was joking about how long their engagement feels.”
“Were you?”
“I mean I was, but I wasn’t joking about marrying you,” headmitted. “I pretty much wanted to do that when I woke up at your place afterthat first night and you fed me and immediately put me to work fixing yoursink.”
“You did not. You were terrible at it. How can you know somuch about computers and stuff and nothing about sinks?”
“I guess because my aunt was sweet on the old dude who livedin the single wide next to ours, and he was always over fixing things. I didn’twant to stand around and listen to the olds flirting. I was more into sports.”
“Sportsball. I can see you playingvarioussportsballs. Cooper did, you know. Played alot of sports,” she said quietly. “I played soccer when I was a kid, and I didsome karate. My brother played football for a while, but then he got aconcussion and my mom freaked out and his playing days were over. I think thatwas a good thing because my brother hits his head a lot.”
He chuckled because TJ Taggart was on the klutzy side. Oh,he was athletic and deadly when he wanted to be, but there was a lovable goofside to the man. “He needs to stop walking intodosers.Did I ever tell you how Lou accidently knocked him out with a sedative she wassupposed to use on the bad guy?”
Her laughter went straight to his dick. “No, but Lou did. Ialso heard something about you giving them a lecture about making out in themiddle of an op. Tell me, have you ever made out in the middle of an op?”
“If I did it was because making out was cover for the op.”He felt tired again. Now that he looked back at the last couple of years, herealized how often he’d put his body out there for the mission. At first itseemed very James Bond and hot, and now that he’d been with her… “It wasn’tglamourous. It wasn’t sexy. It was a job, and at the end of it it’s hard not tofeel used.”
“Yeah, I’m going to talk to my uncle about that.”
“Don’t.” The last thing he wanted was to get Ian in trouble.“Your uncle never forced me to do anything. I was young and dumb, and it allsounded like fun. Sex was a game until… Well, until I realized it’s important.Being at The Hideout taught me a lot.”
“There’s a lot of casual sex at The Hideout.”
“But it’s agreed on. Everyone knows what their partner iswilling to give and what they won’t. Sex is talked about. I’m not proud ofthose nights I spent fucking someone so I could later on download theirlaptop.” He took a long breath. “And that’s why I didn’t talk about the jobwith you. I guess there’s a lot of things I’m ashamed of.”
“My mom always tells me shame is useless. Change is better.Acknowledge you did a wrong. Make up for it, and move on. Shame only brings youdown.” She sighed, and he felt her hand move to his chest. “Zach, I don’t knowthat I can believe you when you say you love me, but it has also been pointedout to me that I might feel better if I did some of those casual sex things.”
There was nothing he wanted more, but there was only oneproblem. It wouldn’t be casual for him. “Let me guess who gave you that advice.Have you been talking to your aunt?”
“Do you understand how weird this is? We’re hiding frompretty much all the authorities plus a bunch of criminal elements, but I’mstill talking to my family like I did when I was in college. Like TJ called andasked if I had mustard because he was out and my apartment is close to Lou’swork.”
That did not surprise him. “Did you?”
“Of course, and I had a bunch of sandwich meat that wasgoing to go bad, so I’m sure he ate that, too, but he also watered my plants.It’s weird, and it’s starting to feel normal. I’m starting to not be as angryas I should be. I’m starting to be curious.”
A curious Devi was a dangerous Devi. Dangerous to his stateof mind, to his peace, to his heart. “I’ll answer any question and I won’t holdback.”
