Page 86 of Spy With Me
It hurt. It made him ache in a way he never thought hewould.
But he wouldn’t let it stop him. He would still go into thatroom with her and be her Dom for as long as he could.
“Which fuck are we talking about? The whole ‘I lied to theteam’ fuck? The ‘I got us caught by Huisman’ fuck? Or the fuck where I’m thewanted outlaw sleeping with your niece?”
Big Tag snorted. “Wanted outlaw?”
“Well, there is a Red Notice out on me,” Zach pointed out.“And I’m fairly certain there are BOLOs in the States.”
“Why would that happen?” Ian sank down in the chair and inthe low light looked every bit like a mafia boss. He would have made anexcellent one if he’d chosen to go that way. “I mean I allowed the Red Noticeso it looks good for Huisman, but has anyone actually tried to take you in? Iknow you’ve been careful, but I assure you there have been times you werecaught on camera.”
“Obviously, or the Canadians and my father wouldn’t behere.” His father. He was still trying to wrap his head around it. His fatherwas close and had tried to take Devi. To drug her and do whatever to her andhold it over his head.
“Son, you look a little crazy right now. Are you thinkingabout murdering your father?” Ian asked as though that was a normal, everydayquestion to ponder at the end of a long day.
“Yes.” Maybe it was normal for his life. Maybe he shouldembrace the fact that he was cursed and go out in a blaze of glory. Maybe thatwould be better than prison. Better for him. Better for Devi.
“Let Kala do it.” Big Tag sat back and gestured for Zach tojoin him in the seat Henry had previously occupied. “She’ll do it however quickor slow you like, and you don’t have to get your hands dirty. I know the wholerevenge thing sounds like a fun plan, but it gets murky on an emotional level.I thought about killing my father a couple of times, the first being when I wasa teenager and he left us. Turned out he had a whole other family and if Ikilled him, I might not have met my younger brothers. Or they might have helpedand it would have been bonding time. We can’t look back. I’m going to give yousome advice. He’s an annoyance. Like a fly that won’t stop buzzing around you.Let someone swat him for you and don’t think twice about it. Don’t make morenightmares for yourself. Let your team handle it.”
The words threatened to shake his wall. The idea thatsomeone…anyone, much less the people he admired…would put themselves on theline for him made him emotional. It wasn’t happening. “I fucked my team over.”
“Did you?” Big Tag seemed to think about that for a moment.“Don’t get me wrong. I think you’re facing some time in a ring with yourbrother and maybe Tris. Although Tris will probably worry about his pretty faceand decide to forgo vengeance. Smart kid.”
Big Tag was known for his sarcasm. Sometimes he had toignore it and move the conversation forward. “I lied to everyone.”
“Yeah, but I like to look at actions over words. I’ll giveyou the whole Jester thing was shitty because Tristan thought he was doingsomething revolutionary,” Big Tag said with a huff. “Like we all haven’t killedinternational arms dealers and taken over their operations. That’s Agency 101.Tristan had to turn it into some overly dramatic romantic tragedy. I blame hispapa’s DNA. That shit did not come from Jacob Dean. But other than that, tellme one way you’ve put the team at risk.”
Zach had a list. He counted all his sins at night when hewas trying to sleep. “I didn’t tell you I knew who the bombmaker was.”
“And I should spank you for it, but she’s your mother.” Tagshrugged him off. “It’s a touchy subject. I know you won’t like hearing this,but I knew you were hiding something. I could have gotten you reassigned. Doyou know why I didn’t?”
He had an idea. Big Tag was a strategic thinker despite allthe sarcasm. “Because it’s better to keep eyes on an enemy.”
Big Tag frowned and shook his head like he was deeplydisappointed. “You are a dramatic motherfucker, Zach. Where has this beenhiding? I greatly prefer the dude who tells it like it is. Are you my enemy,Zach?”
“No.”
“Then stop this morose shit and help me work this out. Youdon’t have to be in a corner. You don’t have to die or go to jail. There arefar more doors open to you if you work with me and stop shutting out yourteam.”
Emotion welled inside him. “Don’t do this, Ian.”
Big Tag slowed down and considered him. “What, son? Give youhope? I’m going to ask you a question. Do you care about this team?”
There was only one answer. “More than anything in the world,with one exception. I know I haven’t shown it, but this team is my family. Notjust Cooper. Everyone on the team.”
“Have you ever turned on your team?”
“I lied.”
“To protect your mother,” Big Tag argued. “Also to protectyourself. I wish you had figured out who we were and come to me, but Iunderstand that it’s hard to ask for help when you’ve never once been able to.You were trained to be alone, to protect yourself, and yet time and time againyou put your body in front of one of my kids or one of the kids I helped raise.Do you regret the bullets you took for them?”
Was this what having a dad was really like? Because his eyeswere getting suspiciously watery. “Not once. I would do it again. Every time.”
“Are you with my niece because things with my daughterdidn’t work out? Is Devi second choice to Tasha?”
Zach snorted at the thought. “Ian, I know this is going tocome as a shock to you, but they are completely different women.” He shook hishead and took another drink. “Tasha was a crush. She’s beautiful and sweet andinfinitely competent. Like a man looks at Tash and thinks there’s a woman whocould bring him peace. Love isn’t about peace. I mean it is at some point, Ihope. But I don’t think I ever loved someone until I met Devi, and she is notpeaceful.”
“So it’s all chaos?”
