Page 45 of False Start
“A lot has happened recently, and it’s caused me to… reevaluate… some of my long-held beliefs and motivations. I owe you an apology for… I don’t know. The last decade or so?” My throat tightened as I saw surprise, wariness, and then sadness flicker across my sister’s face. A face I’d known for most of my life. One I’d been using against her for far too long.
“I don’t even know where we fell apart. When did we stop acting like sisters?”
Blair’s eyes were big behind her glasses, and the ingrained, nasty part of me wanted to lash out. To make a snide comment and blow up this uneasy truce. I thought about Weston. About the future I wanted with him, if I was brave enough to do the work on myself and go after it. I deserved better. And that meant honesty.
“I know exactly when it happened. Do you remember the camping trips Dad used to take you on when we were kids?”
Blair nodded. “Yeah, they were awesome. Some of my best memories were fishing with Dad.”
I bit my lip against a snarl. I’d talked this through with Marina the week before, and she’d helped me realize that Blair was just a kid. She wasn’t to blame for the actions of adults.
“Do you remember how many times I asked to come along? Wait. Forget that. Do you remember the time Dad said yes?”
Blair frowned. “You never came with us.”
Emotion burned through my chest and I blinked hard. What a stupid thing to get upset by.
Be kind, Georgia.
“No,” I said, willing my voice to stay even. “I didn’t. But there was one time Dad agreed I could come. I was so damn excited. Especially because he was getting out of the house to avoid one of Mom’s crash diet moods. You remember the kind: thelock the fridge and monitor every morsel of food anyone ate because she didn’t want to gain weight by osmosiskind? He told me to go pack a bag while he got the car together.”
A tear slipped down my cheek, and I brushed it away with a shaking hand.
“You left. I heard the car start, and I remember thinking I must have lost time and Dad was getting impatient, but when I ran outside, you were already halfway down the street. I still remember the stupid break lights as you turned the corner and disappeared.”
“I didn’t—” Blair started, but I held up a hand.
“I know. Now, I know. But for a long time, I couldn’t separate you and Dad. He was always there to protect you while I was stuck with her. That day was the final straw for me. I figured if I couldn’t join them, beat them. So I tried. Everything I could take from you felt like a win, but it always hurt me just as much. You were this smart, friendly person who deserved Dad’s love and attention, and I was the one who got left behind. I blamed you for all of it, and for that I’m sorry.” I huffed a laugh. “I’m sorry for a lot of things, I guess. I don’t expect this to change anything, maybe we’re way past that, but I finally found people who showed me I deserve peace, and I’m so tired of carrying this resentment around. So I’m letting it go.”
Tears slipped down Blair’s cheeks as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me.
“I spent years wanting my sister back. That’s all I wanted. I’m sorry our parents are such fucked up assholes.”
My laugh turned into a sob, and then I was hugging Blair as tightly as she held me as we cried for the people we used to be.
“They really are assholes,” I said, hiccupping a watery laugh.
As the tears dried up on both sides, we pulled back and I tried valiantly to fix the damage I’d made to my makeup.
“Ugh, this is what I get for not wearing waterproof mascara.”
“You don’t need it. You’re beautiful without it. You always have been.”
I gave her a sad smile. “It was never about the makeup. It was about making sure there was one less thing for Mom to criticize.”
She hummed and glanced at Cian, who stood off to the side, watching unobtrusively. Immediately, her eyes warmed, and for the first time, I truly appreciated that my sister had found love.
“I owe you another apology. For Thanksgiving. Weston and I weren’t really dating. We’ve only officially been together a couple of weeks. I was so scared of Mom finding out and ripping me to pieces that I threw you under the bus. I’m a shitty sister, but I promise I’m going to do better from now on.”
Blair huffed a laugh and glanced at Cian, who nodded in answer to her unspoken question.
“We were kind of only friends with benefits at that point. I only asked Cian to come along so I wouldn’t have to deal with Mom comparing you with your perfect face and athlete boyfriend to me and my… arrangement. She tried to set me up with Scott Ronson a few months ago.”
I couldn’t suppress the laugh that burst out of me.
“That guy was disgusting.”
“You’re telling me. So I guess what I’m saying is that we’re both dirty rotten liars with the worst kind of parents, and maybe it’s time to clean the slate and start fresh.”
