Page 113 of My Fault
He pulled my hips toward him, squeezing me so tightly it hurt, but I didn’t care once his lips touched mine and kissed me passionately. I felt him all over; his arms were strong and clutching me, but at the same time, he was gentle, as if he knew I was fragile and didn’t want to break me.
I didn’t resist. I wanted him to know I was ready. His smile made me breathless, but soon it was replaced by a look of desire so intense I was almost frightened. He tugged off my shirt and kissed my belly button and my abdomen. I thought I would lose my mind. His hands stroked my back, and his mouth and his fingers then touched my scar. I jerked suddenly and pushed him away.
“No,” he said, looking up at me. “Don’t be ashamed, Noah. All this means is that you’re braver than anyone, that you’re strong.”
I nodded.
“You’re perfect,” he added, covering me in hot kisses.
My hands climbed his back, where I could feel the muscles under his hot skin. I wanted to touch him all over. I was tingling and panting as he moved his hand up my left leg and kissed me softly one, two, three times before forcing his tongue in and tasting me as if doing so were his destiny. As his fingers reached my midsection, I knew I had to tell him something: I’d never done it with anyone before. Not even with Dan. Maybe it could have waited—we were only at second base—but I thought it was better to get it out of the way. He had a lot of experience, and soon I’d be feeling scared.
“Nick,” I said, trying to meet eyes with him. “Before we keep going…”
“Tell me you’ve never done it before, at least not with your stupid ex,” he interrupted, and I couldn’t help but giggle nervously.
“Well, actually…” I was enjoying the chance to make fun of him. He got tense all over. “I’m kidding, Nicholas! I’m a virgin.” I turned red as a tomato when I admitted it.
He smiled and kissed me on the corner of my lips.
“I knew it the first time I laid eyes on you,” he said, laughing. I punched him on the shoulder, but I knew he’d been well meaning, that he’d wanted to clear away some of the tension. Then, more seriously, he continued:
“We can drop it if you’re not ready.” I could tell he was sincere, but it was hard for him to say.
“I’m ready,” I said. “I want to…but promise me one thing first.”
“You name it.”
I couldn’t help but grin.
“Promise me it’ll be unforgettable.”
An endless supply of love and affection flooded his eyes.
“Don’t you worry about that.”
As he began working his way down my neck, I felt a jolt that reached all the way between my legs. He was still dressed, but my hands went to work tearing off his shirt. When I had it partway off, he sat up, grabbed it with one hand, pulled it the rest of the way, and threw it sexily to the floor. I wrapped my legs around him. All I wanted was to have him as close to me as possible, with no room even for air between us.
Just feeling his hips against mine gave me a kind of stinging pleasure that made me close my eyes and arch my back.
“You’re gorgeous,” he said, bringing his fingers down and pushing my underwear delicately aside. “If you want me to stop, Freckles, just tell me because even if I’m dying to be inside you, I don’t want to do it until you’re ready.”
But there was no turning back for me; this was what I wanted, what I needed. I needed him with me, I needed to relieve that pressure inside me, that pressure that I’d been feeling for months and that flared up when we kissed, when we touched, even when we argued.
“You were made to be my personal torture,” he said, pressing into me in places that had never burned as they did just then. His heart, his breathing were racing. My fingers wrapped around his waist, and he went stiff as I tried to unbutton his pants.
Then everything turned intense, and those slow, tentative touches were suddenly a whirlwind of sensations. Nick turned me over and put me on top of him. I pulled off his jeans. I could see something hard concealed in his boxers, but I didn’t have much time before he grabbed my hips and moved me on top of his erection. Still in our underwear, we pressed our bodies together and started to moan. I ran my hands over his shoulders and stomach, caressing his abs. My mouth followed them; all I wanted just then was to lick his body, nibble it, savor it with my tongue, and I didn’t hold back. All the while, he pushed his hips upward, grinding into me and giving me pleasure.
“Jesus, Noah,” he said, rolling back on top of me. His hands pushed my legs up until I wrapped them around him.
“Touch me, Nick… I need it,” I said, asking him for something I still didn’t know or comprehend.
His fingers worked their way inside my underwear, and I arched my back, pushed to desire’s edge as he started to move them in little circles right in the spot where I was aching with pleasure.
“Noah, you know I don’t want to hurt you, right?” he said, and I could see through the fog of ecstasy that he was worried. “But I’m going to have to, my love.”
“I know,” I responded, feeling one of his fingers pushing inside me. “Oh my God, Nick!” I shouted as he began to explore me, opening me up for what was to come.
“The sounds you’re making are driving me wild,” he said as I felt another finger push in beside the first one. He pushed his mouth atop mine to silence the scream emerging from it. His other hand climbed my back and unfastened my bra. Oh God—he was going to see my breasts! No one had ever seen them, but I was so rapt, I barely had time to think about it. He squeezed the left one and sucked on my nipple, circling it with his tongue…
