Page 12 of Tell Me Softly
What would it feel like if Thiago kissed me again?I asked myself, then immediately tried to pretend I hadn’t; I focused on the conversation with my friends, who were already excited about the party after the game. I walked over to the cooler by the balloons to grab a bottle of water and caught Thiago peeking over at me, but I wasn’t sure what his look meant.
I took a drink and tried to ignore him just as Victor Viani, the forward, came over and wrapped an arm around my wrist, pulling me toward him.
“What are you doing?” I asked, pushing him away and taking another drink. I could see the lust in his eyes as he grinned.
“Nothing. I just wanted to welcome you back. You’re all grown up now.”
I rolled my eyes, irritated. “You’renot,” I said.
I had my mask on that night. And no one was going to make me take it off.
“Don’t get mad. I’m just saying, you’re a real woman now. That’s something to celebrate.”
Cold sweat dripped down my back, and a chill ran up my spine.
“What the…?”
“I gotta admit, I was one of the guys who thought you’d still be a virgin when you went off to college. But hey, congrats, Lady Kamila. Now that we know Danny broke you in for us…” He spoke loudly enough for his teammates to hear, and they all started laughing along with him.
I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to vomit. So much passed through my head just then: violent thoughts, little-girl thoughts. But I didn’t manage to say anything. Before I knew it, Thiago had grabbed Victor’s head and pulled him in to whisper something in his ear, audible only to the three of us.
“You say something like that again and I’ll have the coach suspend you for the rest of the season…after I wipe the floor with you. Got it?”
Victor nodded, silent.
“Now, get out of here,” he said, clapping him on the back before he returned to the game. Many of the people around were looking at us. There was surprise in Victor’s eyes, but the strongest feeling in them was fear, and he didn’t put up a fight before turning around and leaving. His friends were quiet too; they turned to cheer on their teammates, who were winning.
Thiago shot me a few more sidelong glances as he coached, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Was it disappointment?
Chapter Four
Thiago
That week had been hell. No matter where I turned, she was there. Not only did I keep running into her at school, I could also see her through her bedroom window every time I looked outside. When I was ten and she was eight, we’d come up with a kind of Morse code. It was the one thing she and I shared that my brother hadn’t been a part of because his window looked out the other side of the house.
I was always a little envious of their relationship. It made sense. They were the same age, they understood each other better, but looking at each other out the window and sharing that code had made us close in ways Taylor couldn’t imagine. When I turned twelve, my feelings changed, and I began to see her differently. I was starting to check out girls, and as for Kam, well, I always had this urge to find a way to be closer to her. She may have been the first girl I ever kissed––admittedly, it was a quick kiss and a clumsy one––but those years between ten and twelve are crucial ones, and it made me feel more mature to tease her, even if I knew it was an expression of how much I liked her.
Now, though, that difference meant less. She was basically anadult, and my affection for her was turning into attraction. But still, there was so much rage inside me. I couldn’t help but hate her. I still blamed her for what had happened, even while I also wondered what it would feel like to kiss her now. To kiss her for real. To savor her lips and feel her body pressed against mine.
I had observed her from a distance. She was the school’s queen bee. Everyone talked about her, and everyone revolved around her like she was the sun and they were planets. Her life was perfect. Everyone said that; they all envied her, and that only made me hate her family worse. Why should her life be like that when mine had fallen apart?
Still, not everything I’d heard about her was good. There were lots of people that hated her. And people talked about her like an object. I’d heard them call herice princess, and I knew that was a reference to her mother, theice queen. In Anne Hamilton’s case, the nickname made sense, and I still couldn’t figure out why my father had chosen her when he decided to cheat on my mother. Sure, she was pretty, but she was a lifeless body, an emotional void. Was Kami like that deep down too?
What really got to me, more than I cared to admit, were the players’ remarks in the locker room. In the last week, I’d heard all of them, from how hot she was to all the things they’d like to do with her. The dirty talk died down when Danny Walker, the team captain, walked in. Kami’s so-called boyfriend was stuck-up, stiff. The mayor’s son. Was he a good player? Sure. But he was also a dickhead and someone to keep my eye on.
I’d given him the benefit of the doubt at first because at least he hadn’t said anything about Kam. And if anyone got out of line with their remarks, he’d scowl at them and shut them up. And they’d be quiet—at least until he left again.
But something in the past few hours had changed him, and what I heard him say before the game hit me in a way I could neverhave predicted. The thought of that dumbass actually having sex with her…
Victor Viani had pissed me off when he was talking to Kam, but I couldn’t just fight him in front of the whole school. I tried to focus on the game, but in the second quarter, the cheerleaders started their routine, and it was hard to take my eyes off her. Kam was incredible. She was the star of the squad, and every time they tossed her in the air, I held my breath.
I couldn’t forget my resentment against her and her family, though. Maybe she had been close to me when I was a kid, maybe she was the first girl I fell in love with…but none of that mattered because, at the end of the day, the Hamiltons had destroyed my childhood and my mother’s life, and I’d never be able to forgive them. Especially that witch Kam had for a mother.
When the game was over, I was able to stop thinking about it and celebrate with my brother and his new teammates. I was happy for Taylor. He fit right back into our old life. He’d always been able to see the good side of things. In that sense, he was very different from me. His new friends not only respected me, they treated me like one of them. They were seventeen, some of them eighteen, and it was ridiculous for them to try to pretend I was another teacher in their thirties or forties. And I was glad they didn’t try. I wasn’t exactly flush with friends in this town, and the warmth the basketball team showed me meant a lot. Klebb seemed to get this too, and he didn’t try to pester me aboutfraternizingwith the other guys.
As I was wiping down, Taylor came over with Harry Lionel, our center who stood at nearly six foot seven, and invited me to a party later at Aaron Martin’s house, the best power forward the team had.
I grabbed my water bottle and laughed.
