Page 59 of Sweet Temptation
“Can we please keep this between us?” I plead softly as she smiles. “I mean it, Mom.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Lucky and I...” Why is this so hard? Is it because I’m mad or frustrated with Lucky or is it because I don’t want to admit what I already know? “Lucky wants a relationship, and I don’t. That’s the general gist of it. He told me he was okay without more, and he lied. He’s not. He wants the whole thing. He wants a relationship. He wants Linc and Loch to know. He wants everyone to know. And I don’t even want a boyfriend, much less a relationship that my brothers are involved in.”
“And your brothers knowing is what’s upsetting you?” I can already tell from the tone in her voice she’s not understanding where I’m coming from.
“No. A relationship. I don’t want it, and he does. He said he’d be okay without it, but he’s not. That’s what I’m upset about.”
“Oh, honey. That’s because that boy has been in love with you for half his life. You can’t really be that blind.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I push, a denial on the tip of my tongue that vanishes before I can give words to it.
Mom stops at a red light and looks at me. “You are not a stupid woman, Alexis. Don’t act like it now. Do you not want a relationship because it’s him or do you not want a relationship at all?”
The question hurts more than it should.
Partly because I know the answer, and partly because I don’t want to share it with her.
“If I ever had a relationship, he’s the only person I’d want it with,” I murmur, stunned I admitted that to myself or to her. “But I don’t want one, and he knew that.”
We pull into the parking garage, and she turns off the car and turns toward me. A sad smile sits on her lips as she runs her fingers through my hair. “I’m not going to ask you why you don’t want a relationship. That’s your business, and you’ll tell me when you’re ready. But I am going to tell you something you may not want to hear.”
She brings both hands to my cheeks and frames my face. “You have a very low tolerance for forgiveness. It’s always been easy for you to write people off. You have your people, your circle, and you love them with your whole heart. But I’ve watched you slowly cut everyone else out of your life over the years. You don’t forgive. You just move on. Don’t do that to Lucky.”
A sadness washes over her, and my skin crawls with how badly I want to get out of this car. “There are no guarantees in life, but that man, Lex...” She shakes her head and drops her hands. “Hear him out. Give him a chance. Don’t write him off.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I admit to her and myself.
Because if I talk to him, I might give in, and no matter how badly I wish I could, I know I’d be leaving him hurting more in the end.
LEXIE
We’re all haunted by the same two ghosts?—
the ghost of the things we’ll never get to experience and the ghost of the things we’ll never forget. I’m not sure which is worse.
—Lexie’s Secret Thoughts
Isit in the backyard under the covered porch that night, watching the heavy raindrops hit the pool, thinking about what I was doing during the last storm. Remembering how it felt. How he looked. What he said.
And my heart hurts.
For Lucky. For me.
For my family.
Life’s a real bitch some days, and today, it was extra cruel.
My head’s a mess.
My heart’s a mess.
And my lungs are a mess.
Just another day.
Linc pops his head outside and looks at the storm. “Guess it’s a good thing I put the top on the Jeep earlier.”
