Page 61 of Sweet Temptation
She pulls back, forcing me to drop her face and tightens her grasp on the blanket that’s wrapped around her, like it can shield her from pain. “You were the one person who would let me live. Then you stopped. You started high school and found girls, and boobs, and everything else that went with them, and you stopped being that person for me a long damn time ago because you were too busy being that for every other girl in Kroydon Hills. Onenight doesn’t change that.” Her words trail off like she believes that bullshit she just spewed, and that pisses me off.
“Bullshit, Lexie. You don’t believe that.” I refuse to give her the space she wants. Not now. Not when she’s this damn close.
Fuck that.
I grab her hand and hold it in mine, needing to feel her skin on mine. Needing to feel her breathe. “I might have made you feel like you were alive, Lex, but it almost killed you.” I swallow as those words hit me square in the chest. Just as fucked up now as they were ten years ago. “That last night we snuck out and swam in the lake in the rain, you got so sick, you were in the hospital for three weeks after that. That was my fault. You took risks with me you shouldn’t have. One you wouldn’t take with anyone else. That was my fault. I had to walk away. But I was never gone.”
“Now who’s the one lying to themselves?” she snaps back, her cheeks flaming red. “You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do, Lucky Beneventi. Have you been carrying that for all these years? It wasn’t your fault I got sick. It was my shitty lungs. They were always going to get worse. That wasn’t your fault.”
Her voice gets heavier as she squeezes my hand. “I do everything I’m supposed to. Take every pill, every treatment, every enzyme. I exercise. I take care of myself. I do it all, and they’re still failing me, Lucky. You can’t change that, and I can’t change that. That’s my life, and it’s only going to get worse. And it’s okay that you didn’t want to watch it then. I don’t blame you. But I’m not going to let you stand by and watch it now. Not when I understand the consequences now.” Lexie’s breathing breaks, stuttering in her chest as a tear falls down her cheeks, and my fucking heart cracks in half...
Fuck.
I get it.
It crashes over me in cold waves.
“I didn’t fucking run away then, and I’m not going to do it now, Lex.” I lift her chin and force her to look at me. To listen. “We were kids, and I thought I hurt you. I thought it was my fault. It scared the shit out of me. Your dad didn’t want me around you anymore, and neither did mine.” I hold my hand up and stop her before she can start because that’s a whole other thing to deal with, and we’re not there yet. “I’m not that kid anymore. I know what I want. I understand the stakes. I know how to let you live outside that glass box they all like to keep you in. I know you, and I know us. I know how good we can be together. But you’ve got to give me more than one goddamned night to prove it to you.”
“You can’t drop a bomb like that and not expect me to want to know more, Lucky.” She clings to her blanket like she’s clinging to her armor. “I’m going to need to know what happened.”
“And I’ll tell you everything,dolcezza. After. But right now, I’m more focused on our future than our past—because we have a future. One I’m willing to fight for.” I pick her up and pull her onto my lap, needing her closer. “But you’ve got to tell me what’s going on now. Why one night? Why fight so hard against something we both know can be so good?” I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and run my fingers down her neck. “Because we are so fucking good together, Lex.”
“Please don’t make me say it,” she begs, her voice sounding like she’s choking on broken glass.
“I’m not as smart as you, Lexicon. You’ve got to say it.” I pull her head down and close my eyes as I press my lips against her forehead. “Please.”
I’m not used to begging for anything, but for this woman and this woman alone, I will.
“I’m never going to get better, Lucky. This is it. This is as healthy as I’m ever going to be.” She lifts her head and stares right into my eyes. A sad resignation in hers I fucking refuse toaccept. “I don’t want you to live your life watching me slowly losing mine. Wondering what’s going to happen and when. That’s no way to live. Not for you and not for me.”
“Then we don’t live like that, baby. You’re fucking right. That’s no way to live, and I’m not going to let you do that.” I have to steady my own breathing because these words hurt more than I knew words could. “We focus on today, every day. None of us know what the hell is going to happen tomorrow. I could walk out of the house and get hit by a car in an hour. Does that mean I should never kiss you again? Because you might lose me?”
I wrap a hand around her throat and drag my lips over hers.
Needing to feel her.
To hold her.
To breathe with her.
“Because I gotta tell you, I’d rather spend the last minutes of my life with you than without you.”
“I don’t know if I can do that, Lucky.” She runs her fingers along my temples and down the lines of my face. “Not with this. Not with you. I can’t act like I don’t know what would happen if we were together. I think deep down somewhere, I’ve always known.”
“Do you really think I’d hurt you, baby?” Even the words feel like I’m being drug barefoot over hot fucking coals. “I wouldn’t. I swear to God, Lexie, I wouldn’t. Let me prove it to you.”
She shakes her head and wraps her blanket around my shoulders so we’re shielded together. “You’re not going to hurt me, Lucky. Don’t you see? It’s going to be me in the end. I’m the one who’s going to hurt you. And I refuse to be that person.”
Lexie lays her head on my shoulder, and I wrap my arms around her back, holding her close. “I’m not giving up, Lex.”
“I’m not changing my mind, Lucky. You can’t save me.”
“Guess it’s a good thing I’m not your white knight then.”
I don’t have to save the princess.
I can fight as hard and dirty as I need to, to get what I want.
