Page 77 of Save the Last Dance
Her fingers itched to sketch that thin, paler line of skin, to have the right to be a part of his everyday routine. And inthat simple moment she got it. She realized what had been eluding her all along.
Just because Mack had moved didn’t mean he loved his family any less. He was finding a way to be a part of his family while still living his dream. Nashville wasn’t that far. He’d done a far better job at staying connected to his family than she had, in fact.
She could learn a thing or two from him about making compromises while still holding on to your dream.
And suddenly all the possibilities she’d been spinning in her mind this past week gelled together into a beautiful future. A future built with Mack.
“I’ve been thinking about your concerns,” she began, “and I’m sorry for not being more sympathetic before. And I’ve been wondering…” She swallowed hard, not from reservations, but with nerves and hope. “I’m wondering if you’re open to adoption.”
“It would work for me,” she continued. “I love kids so much that I’d take a house-full and be happy. But I would be just as happy with one or two, as long as you were their father. And am I wrong in thinking that might work for you, too? Because I’m sure I would love our adopted kids as much as any we would make. But I can’t just close the mental door on one day being a mom?—”
“Nina.” He gathered up her other hand now and held that one also, the rasp of his calluses against her skin reminding her of his bridled strength. “Wait. Please. First of all, I can’t believe you’ve thought this through for me.” He shook his head. “But you don’t need to shut any doors on my account.”
Panic fluttered in her stomach. She tried to quell the rush of fear, to recalibrate her thoughts to what he was saying rather than rush to the wrong conclusion.And the more she considered his words, the more she realized this could actually be a solution. They could find a way to be together and have the whole dream.
“What do you mean?” She counseled herself to be cautious. To wait. And yet a rush of hope surged up anyhow, so strong she had to force herself not to scoot closer to him.
The music from the dance kicked into “Cotton-Eyed Joe” and the squeals and clapping got louder.
“I mean I’ve been holding tight to an old, wrong-headed idea that I came up with as a teenager.” He let go of her hands now and stood to pace in front of her, the show of restless energy unusual from a man she was used to seeing so composed. “I think I held on to it so damn tight because I made that decision at an emotional point in my life, after a particularly hellish day for me, for my family. And most of all, for my mother.” He paused in front of her. “Does that make sense?”
“Go on,” she urged, not quite sure what else to say. He seemed to need to get it out in his own way, and a communicative Mack was a man she didn’t see too often.
She’d love to see this side of him more. All sides of him, in fact. Brooding, silent Mack. Romantic Mack. And yes, this tense, restless yet determined Mack who seemed to hold the power to make or break her whole future.
“I hated what Mom’s illness did to her. And as a kid, the drug treatments were almost worse than the rest of it. She’d be out of it for days. Tired. Miserable. Not herself.” He thrust a hand through his newly shorn hair. “It was as if she…disappeared for long periods of time and I hated it for her as much as anyone, you know?”
“Of course you did.” Sympathetic tears sprang to her eyes for the confused boy he must have been. The one he’d never let her see, even when they’d been everything to eachother. The boy who didn’t understand that there were two sides to bipolar disease, the depressive side as well as the manic. And so he’d blamed his mom, the doctors, even himself. Nina rose to her feet and took his hand, even tighter than he’d held hers before. “That must have been scary for you.”
“Right.” He gave a brusque nod, as though fear wasn’t really an emotion he wanted to get well acquainted with. “But later, I got angry. At her doctors, my father, and yes—at her. I decided no one should have to go through what she went through. And if that meant not putting myself in the gene pool…” He gave a helpless shrug. “Somehow, once the idea took hold, I never revisited it. I just kind of locked it away as a core part of who I was and how I was going to move forward.”
Nina put a hand on his shoulder, stroking gently over the textured finish of the lapel. The tension that braced his shoulders even now told her what an emotional place his old ideas had come from. Her own encounter with therapy had taught her how tough it was to break old patterns of thinking. Old ways of feeling.
“Knowing that, Mack, I don’t want to put you in a position where you are going against something so important to you?—”
“That’s just it.” He took a deep breath and released it on a slow huff. “Seeing Ally be…just the amazing kid that she is really started challenging my old ideas.”
The tension in him relaxed, truly, genuinely eased, no flash of any reservations in his eyes. Her final fears slid away from her, and she allowed hope to swell again, filling every corner of her heart. She squeezed his hand.
“Ally is pretty incredible,” she agreed, hoping the girl would find new peace in Heartache with a new supportnetwork around her and a better understanding of the challenges she faced.
And wasn’t that an interesting notion to wrap her brain around? Home was where you faced your challenges. Ally had figured that out decades ahead of Nina. Everyone had challenges of their own, in different forms, sure, but what counted in the end was how they faced them—head-on.
“Without question.” Mack nodded, turning to look over his shoulder as a loud bark of laughter came from the other side of the wall of pumpkins as a group of teens ran past on the fairway. Mack’s attention came back to Nina. “Ally might not have had the easiest path, but look at all she’s already accomplished without the help of any therapy. With help, that girl is going to be a force to be reckoned with.”
“Definitely.” Now, the hopefulness in Nina was too big to contain. Her heart expanded in her chest, and a fizzy sensation made her feel light as air.
“Then my mother, of all people, stood next to me during the coronation and reminded me that the medicines today are better, and with all we know about the disease, my kids wouldn’t have the same uphill battles that my mother did. Mental health issues get recognized and treated earlier.”
“Plus, you’d be more aware of the warning signs,” Nina reminded him gently, hoping she’d be a part of this picture he was drawing, but not wanting to rush this huge shift in Mack’s thinking.
A shift she had his mother to thank for.
Nina’s heart ached with gratitude. My God, how far they’d all come from that heartbreaking night eight years ago.
“And so would you.” Mack’s hands went around hershoulders, a warm, wonderful weight. “You would be the best, most incredible mother any kid could ask for.”
Her cheeks warmed. She had enough family issues of her own to really appreciate that compliment, but it made her happy all the same. “Thank you.”
