Page 26 of Bookworm
Oh, God. What was I even saying right now? I needed to shut up. Stop talking. And there was definitely athat’s what she saidjoke somewhere in here that even though my thirteen year old boy's sense of humor desperately wanted to say, thank God I had a shred of self-preservation and just shut the hell up.
“My actual cat,” I said again, gesturing toward Jules who was now glaring at me from Adam’s lap. Like she could tell I was ruining this.
“Oh my God, Harper, stop talking!” Adam blurted out. Jules jumped off his lap and darted to the doorway of the bathroom, giving me a look that could kill. Apparently I was enemy number one for interrupting her pussy petting time.
The nervous laughter bubbled up from inside me and soon I couldn’t stop.
“You just make me so nervous,” I admitted. “You’re always so cool and collected and professional. Look at you! You wear sweaters with elbow patches for God’s sake, Adam!”
“My elbow patches make you nervous?” He stood from the couch and looked down at his elbow.
“Not just the elbow patches. But I had a whole plan for when I would see you next. I’ve been dreaming of the day I could sweep back into your life and show you how together I was.” I paused, dropping my face into my hands. “I think it’s safe to saythatis out the freaking window.”
“Don’t be so sure,” Adam said and even though I wasn’t looking up from where I’d buried my face in my hands, I could tell his voice sounded closer.
“Um. Yeah. I’m pretty sure I ruined the plan,” I said looking up. “To start, I had no idea you’re the reason I got this gig. Then, my terrorizing little brothers ruined your groceries. Then my stupid cat peed on the book I’m supposed to be selling to your library! Then, I damagedmoreof your books and committed an accidental felony… and now, I’ve dubbed you Sir Strokes A Lot. This could literally not be any worse.”
He was standing over me. Close. Very close. “So whatwasthe plan for when you saw me after all these years?”
His voice was raspy, his eyes traveling between my eyes and mouth as though he didn’t quite know where to look.
Adam had always been tall. Significantly taller than me. Tilting my chin to meet his gaze, I was distracted by the sight of his tongue wetting his lips. “Well… I was going to come back inhigh heels. And a power suit. And I was going to flaunt the fact that I got my BA from King College and my Masters of library science at Oxford.”
His smile twitched. “What else?” he pressed.
“I was going toPretty Womanyour ass.”
The heedy look in his eyes blinked away. “You were gonna do what to my ass?”
“Pretty Womanit. I was going to show up all put together and beautiful and successful and strut in front of you and be like:Hey, remember when you thought I’d never make anything of myself? Remember when you let me go? Well, big mistake. Huge!” I did my best to recite the Pretty Woman speech and act it out for him, even going as far as to hold up invisible bags in my hands.
With a sigh, I lowered my arms, dropping said invisible bags. “Unfortunately, showing up smelling like cat pee wasnotpart of the plan.”
Again, that smirk that wasn’t quite a smirk was back on his face. “There’s one problem with that plan, though.”
“Other than me smelling like cat pee?”
“Yep, Other than that.” he said. “You said I thought you wouldn’t make anything of yourself. That I let you go. But none of that was true. I always believed in you, Harp.” He paused, lifting a hand to brush back a fallen curl from my forehead. “I was a coward when it came to standing up to my dad, you’re right about that. But I never let you go. You let me go.Youstopped callingme. Not the other way around.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but the objections got caught in my throat. He wasn’t wrong. Not even the slightest bit. “It didn’t feel like you believed in me,” I said, instead of fighting with him. Because truly, the only things I can speak to that are facts are my feelings. My truths. I can’t speak for his.
So I took a deep breath and spoke my truth. “Your dad said I wasn’t Dartmouth material. He spoke like my gap year was a waste of time and like it meant I was going to end up slinging fries for the rest of my life… whicheven if I diddoesn’t mean I’m not deserving of your love. There isn’t a damn thing wrong with being a server.”
Adam pressed his lips together and nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you. If I’d heard your dad say all those terrible things about me, I might have reacted the same way and pulled away without talking to you. But I wish you had… talked to me, that is. We could have cleared all this up pretty quickly.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe not. Honestly, Adam, if we had stayed together, I don’t know that I would have or could have left for London. I loved you so much, I think I would have just followed you around like a lost puppy. And your dad was right about one thing… at the time of our high school graduation, Ididn’thave the grades to get into Dartmouth. And without hearing that? Maybe I wouldn’t have ever found my motivation.”
Adam shook his head. “I don’t believe that. Not for a second. You’ve always had such a passion for books?—”
“Sure, I’ve always loved reading. But without that night, overhearing your conversation, I might have spent that first semester traveling back and forth to visit you here. My focus would have been split.” I smiled softly at him. “You always were the best kind of distraction.”
His smile faded. “That’s one of those compliments that’s not really a compliment.”
Maybe he was right. Maybe I was trying to inadvertently insult him.
I shook my head and changed topics slightly. “My point is, I needed that gap year… and without you in the picture, it turned out to be only a gap semester. I had no idea what I wanted to do and I didn’t want to waste money, going into debt when I didn’teven know what I wanted to do with my life. It felt irresponsible. Buteveryonetreated me like that gap year was just an excuse to tread water and be lazy… evenyou. The person who was supposed to know me best and always be on my side. And the truth was, that gap year was the opposite. It was the most fiscally responsible thing I could have done. So if we’re going to have this conversation, at least be honest with both me and yourself.”
He blew out a sharp breath, then nodded. “Okay, fine. You’re right. I might have let my dad’s whispers convince me that a gap year was what lazy students do. How many times do you want me to apologize for acting like a dumb teenager when Iwasa dumb teenager. I’m sorry. Truly, Harper. I’m so sorry you heard all that.”
