Page 6 of Romanced By the Rat
The voice comes from a different direction this time. “You’re worried about the wrong thing. I’m trying to help you.”
“You’re trying to fuck around with me.” I peer behind the wall dividing the drink station from the back. It’s deserted. It’s only 4:30. Most servers don’t clock in until 5, but I’m stuck with the shitty early shifts. I have no idea who could be doing this.
This is all too much. I need a second alone. I abandon the water and rush toward the bathroom, locking myself in a stall.
“Aren’t you going to bring her a water?”
“Holy fuck!” I yell. “You’ve got cameras in the bathrooms?” I stand on the toilet, pushing up the ceiling tiles to search for the source of the voice. “Whoever this is, this is about to be a giant HR issue!” I stop my search, thinking for a moment. “Hey, maybe I can sue and then I won’t have to work this shitty job.”
“Good luck. I don’t work for the restaurant.”
“Then who are you?”
“I told you, God.”
I squat down on the toilet, pulling my knees in. “Alright. Maybe I am losing my mind. Maybe I should call it a night and head home.”
The voice grows stern, commanding. “Listen to me. Don’t fuck this up. You may never get this chance again. You need to go back out there. Tell her she looks lovely tonight. Ask her if she wants Pinot Noir and the ratatouille again. You need to show your interest in her.”
I pause my freak-out. Maybe this is a voice in my head, but I’m giving myself good advice. There’s a connection between Charlotte and me, strong and impossible to ignore. The voice is right. If I ruin this, I’ll kick myself for an eternity.
I sigh, exiting the stall and straightening myself up in the mirror. “Okay, fine. Not because I’m listening to ominous voices in the bathroom, but because I want to make this work with Charlotte.”
“Whatever, dude,” the voice says with a sigh before I exit the bathroom. I charge toward the drink station again, grabbing a fresh glass of water and quickly making my way back to my table. I focus on the directions given to me. “Sorry about the wait. Did I mention you look stunning tonight?”
Charlotte’s brown, doe-eyes widen, and a smile curves at the corner of her lips. “Uh, no. I mean, thank you.”
Holy shit. It’s working. My confidence rises, and I puff out my chest in victory. “Would you like the Pinot Narwhal again?”
She giggles. “Good one.” Her response catches me off guard. She’s laughing, not shimmying out of her clothes and demanding I ravish her. Maybe this God has things wrong.
“Something else then?” The amusement drops off her face, reading pure confusion, as if my stupidity is an anomaly. “I’ll have the Pinot Noir.” To her defense, she doesn’t enunciate the last word to accentuate just how much of an idiot I truly am.
“Right! I was just joking.” I back up, tripping on nothing in my attempt to flee. I steady myself. “I’ll be right back with your beverage.” I shoot her finger guns, my face growing hot, and rush back to the stall. I’ve got some words for God.
“What the fuckkk,” he says, the moment I step through the bathroom door.
“I did what you said!” I yell as I stomp against the tile and stare up at the ceiling.
“You do not. I did not tell you to see if she wanted a rare aquatic mammal. The least you could have done is make it seem like the mistake was on purpose. You’re a white man. That’s the one thing you’re supposed to be good at.”
“Well, obviously I’m not good at a lot of things.”
“Yeah, except looking pretty.”
The compliment catches me off guard, and I chuckle. “So you think I’m pretty?”
“Oh, fuck off. You know what I mean. Obviously, Charlotte finds you attractive. If I were you, I’d have her wined, dined, and splayed out in my bed in hours.”
I scoff. “So what, you’re like some disfigured god or something?”
He chuckles. “Do you really believe I’m God? Wow, you’re more of an idiot than I thought.”
“I don’t know what I believe! We’re in Ghostlight Falls after all. Anything in this town is possible, but I’m growing more and more convinced that I’m just losing it.”
“If I showed you what I looked like, I’m pretty sure I’d send you on a one-way ticket to a mental hospital.”
“Well, now I've got to know.”
