Page 40 of Alessia
“Hi baby brother.” I say, my voice filled with the pain I see in his eyes. “How are you holding up?”
“Not great really. I thought it wouldn’t effect me but getting dressed this morning made it unbearable.”
“I know brother, it’s the same for me.” I hug him as well and gesture with my arm for Bella to come in for the hug as well. Lorenzo puts his arms around me and Bella and we stand there for a few minutes. Just holding each other, trying to comfort each other. I feel Bella’s body shake beside me and I can’t help the tears falling from my own eyes.
Someonebehind us clears her throat and that has us breaking our hug. I turn around to see Harper standing there in an oversized jersey, leggings and bare feet. Her hair is still messy from sleeping and she looks so soft, like I could cover myself in her warmth. I don’t know where we stand now after last night.
She walks over to us and hugs Bella first, whispering soothing words in her ear, making Bella sob all over again. She lets go and walks over to Lorenzo, holding her arms out to him to come in for a hug as well. He looks at her with question written all over his face, deciding if he should take the invitation or not. Harper just waits, almost like she’s daring him to yield to her. My God, this woman is a force to be reckoned with.
Her heart is too big to be in my presence. She barely knows my brother and sister and still here she is, comforting them on one of the hardest days of their lives. I’m in total awe of her. At last, Lorenzo caves for her and he almost scoops her up, holding her so tight I think he might break her. She doesn’t protest to him holding her like that. Instead, she rubs his back and sooths him. I see the tears forming in his eyes and then they’re gliding down his cheeks. Like she finally allowed him to break and show his feelings. Harper hasn’t said a word but his heart cracks wide open for her. After a few minutes he lets go of her and she places her hand on his cheek and kisses his other cheek softly with a small comforting smile on her face. Love radiating from her gaze. Harper looks over to me and takes my hand, she leads me down the hall out of sight of my siblings back to my bedroom. What is she doing?
“I need to go…” I say on a whisper.
“I know but not just yet.” She replies. She closes the door to my bedroom behind me and pushes me to sit and the foot of the bed. She nudges my knees apart so she can stand between them. Her hands stroke my hair before she cups my face. Then her lips are on mine for a small kiss.
“I won’t come with you today. This is something for your family and I’m not a part of that.”
“You could be.”
“I know but it’s not my place today. Your brother and sister need you focused on them and the funeral, not on me.”
“I will feel better when you’re there beside me.”
“I know that too. But I made my decision. I will be here, seeing as I have a lot of unpacking to do. I’ll be here waiting for you when you return.”
“You are staying?” Relief washing over me at the idea of her settling in my house.
“For now, I am. We do need to talk about some stuff but today is not the day for that. I will stand beside you on Sunday and after that we’ll talk about some ground rules.”
I stand quickly, cup her face and kiss her with all the passion I have in me. I lick her lips to let me in and she answers. Opening up to me and letting me pour myself into her. Her hand tangles in my hair at the nape of my neck.
Tears prick in the back of my eyes. She’s everything I need, nothing else matters I just need to be in her orbit. Surrounded by her smell and loving heart. She’s all I can never be. I’m too tainted, too corrupt. My heart has been pitch-black and cold since I was eighteen but her light makes it crack a little at a time. All of a sudden, I’m crying, the tears mixing into our kisses. Harper breaks the kiss and looks up at me. Her eyes are red as well but it’s not only sadness I see in them. I see a little fire in those amber brown eyes, fire to face the world head on together.
“You need to go.” She whispers.
“I want to stay here with you.”
“You can’t, your siblings need you.” With that, a knock on the door makes us break our connection. Elio opens the door.
“We really need to go now, boss.” He says.
“I’m coming.” I give Harper another kiss and press my forehead against hers. “Wait for me.” I whisper.
“I’m not going anywhere. Show the world who you are and support Lorenzo and Bella. I’ll be here to catch you when you get home.” With that she kisses me again and guides me out the door. Out of the corner of my eye I see Elio wink at her. We walk back into the living room where Lorenzo and Bella are still waiting for me.
“Everything okay, sis?” Lorenzo asks.
“Yes, we need to go. The limo is waiting outside.” I respond.
It’s still raining outside when we arrive at the cemetery for the service, people are already gathered by my father’s casket, waiting for us to arrive. The limousine stops just a few yards from the gathered group and we sit in silence.
“Are you guys ready?” I ask Bella and Lorenzo.
“No, but I guess we need to be.” Lorenzo replies. Bella only sniffles is response.
Elio opens the door and Lorenzo steps out of the car first, then Bella. I take a deep breath through my nose and out through my mouth, steeling my face before I step out. Elio hands each of us an umbrella and we walk over side by side to our father’s casket. The crowd parts for us so we can take our place at the side of grave. I look around the crowd and see a lot of familiar faces from different families. The people I know best give me a small sincere smile and nod before directing their attention to the priest. The priest welcomes us and opens the service. I can’t seem to keep my focus on anything he’s saying. I feel Bella’s hand leave mine to step next to the priest. She speaks about our father and what kind of man and father he was to her. Her voice breaks multiple times but she pulls through. I’m proud of her, I know this was hard on her.
Now it’s my turn. I feel the bile rising in my throat, I’m not made for this. I step up to the mic to address the crowd. My throat closes up and I can’t seem to find the words I rehearsed in my head for the past few days. Lorenzo and Bella step forward to join me, their hands finding mine, anchoring me. I take a breath and find my words through all the darkness swarming in my head.
