Page 67 of Don't Bet On It
She let loose a dramatic sigh. “What is it?”
“If I was going to ask anybody to prom, it would’ve been you.”
Surprise and mistrust crossed her features. “You never even talked to me.”
“That’s because I wasn’t comfortable talking to people back then. That’s one of the reasons I’m such a big proponent of therapy.”
“Oh.” She pursed her lips. “Well, thanks for that, I guess.” She didn’t move to climb out from under me.
“I’m sorry you went through that because of me,” I insisted.
“It wasn’t your fault.” She shrugged. “Sometimes, bad things happen. Robin actually taught me that because I spent the better part of my teen years thinking that if I was a better kid, then my mother wouldn’t want to leave me constantly.”
My heart ached for the child who had been forced into adulthood at such a young age. “Prom was never going to be my thing. It was too many people. If I could’ve gone, though, I would’ve wanted to take you because you were the only person I could just be quiet with back then.”
She seemed to consider it. “I guess that’s a compliment,” she said finally.
“It was meant as one. As for this…” I gestured between the two of us. “I’m attracted to you,” I admitted. “I am, and it’s not something that’s easy to fight. I am not in a place to give you what you deserve, though.”
That made her smile, although it was tinged with mischief. “Do you think I’m in a place to give you what you deserve? I’m a freaking mess. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I’m floating from thing to thing.”
“We’re both messes,” I said. “Maybe someday when we’re not both messes…”
“Maybe,” she agreed, although she didn’t sound convinced. “Let’s chalk it up to hormones and let it be.”
“Do you think you can do that?”
“Sure. Can you?”
I wasn’t as certain. I’d give it my best shot, though. “Absolutely.”
“Great.” She studied my face. “Although, since it is the morning after, we can do it one more time and count it as the same incident. That should definitely get it out of our systems, right?”
I laughed at her innocent expression. “Weirdly, I was thinking the same thing.”
“I know. I can feel your thing against my thigh.”
My eyebrow hiked. “So … just one more time.”
“Yup, and then we’ll go back to being former high school classmates and coworkers.”
“That sounds like a good plan to me.”
It was a good plan. Would I be able to carry it out, though? That was the question.
19
NINETEEN
Staying away from Ronan was more difficult than I anticipated. I told myself it was best that we went our separate ways. Whenever I looked at him across the lounge, however, I felt a strange ache I couldn’t explain.
To distract myself, I took a cooking class. It was on my list of things I wanted to do. Sharon’s teaching lessons had consisted of shoving a frozen meal in the microwave or heating up a can of SpaghettiOs or Campbell’s Soup on the stove. The class I opted for lasted six weeks and focused on Cajun food. My plan was to take three classes a year, each focusing on a different cuisine. Since the classes only lasted for six weeks, they weren’t overly expensive.
I was also saving up for a studio spot, but that would take longer. Most places charged a minimum of two grand a month and required a year’s lease to secure a spot. I would need half that money for a down payment, and I wanted to make sure I had enough to pay for the entire year before I signed a lease. It would be embarrassing to have to drop out or sell my lease at a loss.
A week and a half after having “one last round” with Ronan, I’d been to two classes and was continuously lying to myself about enjoying cooking as much as what I’d done with him. Did I believe it? No. I was fine pretending, though. Deluding myself was something I was good at.
As for work, Kyla still hated me. But there was very little she could do about it, thanks to Candy’s constant drop-ins. The therapist had decided to make me a project. She hadn’t come right out and said that, but it was written all over her face whenever we were in the same room. Her questions had very little to do with work and everything to do with Sharon.
