Page 131 of Misrule
“Look at me!” she’d yelled. “I have black eyes, a split lip, bruises on my jaw. On my body.”
Johnnie stomped to where Kendall sat and leaned forward. “You fucked with CJ.Again. What did you expect?”
“Oh, go to hell,” Kendall cried in frustration, getting to her feet and moving out of Johnnie’s aura. The scent of him. The strength of him. “All you ever do is defend her. For our entire marriage, I’ve lived in her shadow.”
Johnnie rounded on her. “For our entire marriage, you’ve placed yourself in her shadow.”
“That isn’t true!” Kendall spat, stomping her foot. Even that sent jarring pain through her abused body. “You measured everything I did against whatshedid. I’ve tried, Johnnie, I swear I have. But it’s so hard to like her, knowing how much you love her.”
“I don’t love her, Kendall,” Johnnie had gritted. “There are many days when I despise her.”
Kendall drew herself up. “Because you love her and can’t have her. If she opened her legs to you tomorrow, you’d fuck her.”
“Stop turning the subject away from the real issues here. Megan would never give herself to me…”
“Goddamn you!” she screamed, noting he hadn’t denied he’d sleep with her if given the opportunity. All he’d admitted was whatMeggiewould never do. “Fuck you!” She’d burst into tears. “I wish she had. I wish shewould. Maybe, then, you’d get over her.”
“Really, Kendall?” he snarled. “What will it take for you to get over Christopher?”
She’d dissolved into more tears. “I love you, Johnnie,” she sobbed. “I do, and I don’t want him in the way that you think I do. But what does Meggie have? Tell me! She has you wrapped around her little finger and Christopher blindly obsessed. No matter what I do I can’t get him to want me so she can see how it feels to have a husband who pines for another woman.”
“That’s such bullshit!” Johnnie barked. “You don’t want to fuck Christopher because of how you think I feel about Megan. You’re attracted to him.”
Sniffling, she’d swiped at her tears. “How can that be when I abhor him?” she asked in real dismay. “Can’t you understand that he hurt my pride when he shoved me off his lap? Don’t you see if he would’ve slept with me all those years ago, my sister would still be alive? If…if not for Megan, you’d really love me. Not find the idea of love, of having a woman like the rest of the guys, so motivating. Because that’sit, Johnnie. You married me to be equal to Christopher, Mortician, and Val. Not because you love me.”
Johnnie released a frustrated sigh. “I love you, Kendall, but you’re just so goddamn infuriating. You—”
“Stop right there,” Kendall had ordered, holding up her hand. “There should be no buts. If you love me, you love me.”
“Ditto, babe. I’ve left the club because of you. I’ve gotten beat up because of you. And I’ve gotten shotbecause of you. Now, I’ve gotten my goddamn nose broken because of you. All in all, I’d say I’ve been pretty fucking patient with all the bullshit that you’ve done that’s endangered my life.”
Kendall’s shoulders drooped. “Where do we go from here?” she’d whispered.
“I don’t know, Kendall. I want to be happy. I don’t want to live the rest of my life, wondering if my wife is into bullshit that might get me orherkilled. I want to have a woman who knows how to be a mother and a friend. Who knows the meaning of loyalty. That’s not you.”
“I know the meaning of loyalty,” Kendall spat on a sob. “I’m always defending you and Roxy.”
Johnnie narrowed his eyes. “What about loyalty to the club? Loyalty to the women of the club? To our kids? To Christopher’s kids?”
“I’m the best mother I know how to be.”
“Well, go back to school, because you’re shit at it. Rory is afraid of you.”
“He is not!”
“Yes, Kendall, he is. He told me so.”
“I was never afraid of my mother, and she treated me the way I treat our kids. I loved my mom.”
“Your mother was fucked up and she fucked you up.”
“Oh, my God! Why are you being so mean to me? Why aren’t you holding me and calling me gorgeous and saying we’ll work this out?”
Shoving his hands into his pockets, Johnnie sighed. “Because I’m done. We’re done. Tonight was the last fucking straw.”
“No!” Kendall screamed, limp-running to Johnnie and throwing her arms around his neck.
He disentangled her from him and watched with dispassion as she crumbled to the floor.
