Page 194 of Misrule
“It’s my body, motherfucker. You can’t tell me what to do with it.”
“You’re fucking right, Kendall, but Icanand will keep my dick to myself.”
She screamed in pure frustration. “Why are you acting like this?”
“How? Like I have some goddamn self-respect?”
“You don’t love me—”
“Shut the fuck up with that bullshit. I do love you. Very much.Toomuch.”
“No, please. Don’t say that. I love you, too. So much, Johnnie. I know it doesn’t seem like it but—”
“But you try. Correct?”
She nodded.
“Try harder.”
“Help me. I can’t do this alone.”
He’d always tried to protect Kendall and stand at her side. But she hadn’t gotten any better. As a matter-of-fact, his patience and belief in her, had made her worse. He shook his head. “I can’t, sweetheart. You disregard all my efforts on your behalf. How many times have you lied to me? How many times have I forgiven you and put my trust in you again? Only to have you shit on me. I’m not perfect by any means. I’ve made my own mistakes. Always deferring to Megan. Demanding that you be her friend. I know I’ve played a role in your state-of-mind and I’m sorry. But you don’t follow through on your own well-being. I can set alarms for you to take medicine and get to your appointment on time. I can go with you to your appointments and watch you take your medication, but unless youwantto stay better, things will never change. You’ll still be the same self-destructive woman you’ve always been.”
She face-planted on the bed, loud sobs escaping her.
He wanted to turn and leave her to her tantrum but he couldn’t bring himself to walk away from her while she was in such a state. He went to the bed, climbed on, and lifted her into his arms. Settling back against the headboard, he held her close.
When she quieted down, she kissed the base of his neck. Her soft lips against him awakened his need and longing. He missed her so fucking much. However, he had to break the vicious cycle they were in.
“I have to go,” he told her. Those four words were some of the hardest he’d ever said.
She wilted, then moved away. Sitting on her haunches, she wrapped her arms around her waist.
“Is there someone else?”
“I don’t know.”
Her eyes wide, she processed that information.
“I just recently met her.”
“A club girl? Have I met her?”
She knew Emily very well. If he revealed her identity, though, it would only add to Kendall’s distress. Besides, he didn’t know what he wanted to have anything to do with Emily. His sense of fairness told him to give her a chance. “No,” he answered, leaving it at that.
“Have you slept with her?”
“No. As long as you’re my wife, I’m not going to betray our vows.”
She opened her mouth, started to speak, then changed her mind. “Come with me to see Dr. Briscow. My new psychiatrist. She can explain to you about BPD better than I can.”
“I’ll think about it,” he told her, though he knew he’d attend a session with her. “Will you be all right?”
“Yes.”
“We’re going to figure this out,” he promised. “We’re going to do what needs to be done so you, me and our kids can be happy.”
“What about Outlaw?”
