Page 20 of Misrule
Yet, how the fuck had their relationship suddenly become so contentious? She should’ve been calling her mother to bring her up to speed on wedding plans for a ceremony that, in Roxy’s mind, was six months away. Such a short period was cutting it close to plan the type of wedding Bailey dreamed of and Knox required. She and the girls should’ve started discussing food and alcohol and bachelorette parties and music and flowers and…everything.
Instead of going to shops with Bailey and the other women, Roxy wrote down ideas to be decided upon later. This morning, she’d almost given in and called Knox. But she feared that meant she’d be conceding to his wishes, so, instead, she’d called her mother, Pearllene.
Her response was to fuss and cuss, and accuse Roxy of allowing fear to rule her.
“I’m not afraid.” Roxy gritted the lie. Truth be told, she didn’t want another marriage to fail. “I just don’t want any man thinking he can run my life.”
The only man who hadn’t tried to turn her into something she wasn’t had been K-P. He’d accepted her for her.
“No, you don’t want to face the fact that you got a man that love you,” her momma challenged. “He love you for you. Just like Kaleb Paul did. Just because you failed at three marriages already don’t mean you’re not destined to find true love, baby. If he don’t want Bailey to have a wedding with you, so be it. It’s that motherfucker’s wedding, too. He got a right to say what he do and don’t want.”
Her lower lip trembling, Roxy swallowed. “I didn’t want a big wedding. I only agreed for Bailey’s sake.”
“You must really love Knox,” Pearllene said, not addressing Roxy’s comments. “It’s not like you to be such a pathetic, sniveling coward.”
She sniffled.
“Is that tears I hear?” Pearllene asked in outrage.
“Maybe,” Roxy answered, her cheeks flaming at her mother’s tone.
“Lawd, Jesus, girl, you’re gonna send me to my grave. If I die, you’re gonna be all alone. Your daughters got their own lives, even Bailey. And Duke, that little motherfucker, been hating on you for months.”
Another arrow of pain twisted inside Roxy. Her youngest child, her baby boy, despised her. He thought she was ignorant, uncouth, and unworthy. She wondered if Knox saw her as unworthy, too. He hated her cussing and he despised her purple Navigator.
“I can drop dead in the next minute. Then, what are you gonna do?”
“Mama, you been about to drop dead for over thirty years. Would you stop already?”
“My fucking mouth. My fucking right to say whatever the fuck I want to. Besides,oneof these days I’m really gonna kick up daisies. Nobody meant to live forever.”
“I know,” Roxy responded on a sigh. “It’s just that…oh, Mama, what would I do without you?”
“The same thing you doing with me, girl.Live your life. I didn’t raise a bitch that just crumple and give up because of a little setback. Whenever I die, know that I lived a nice, full life. I loved you with all my heart. And I didn’t have no regrets. When I breathe my last, I just pray to Jesus, Hamish is pumping my chooney real good.”
“Mama, I’m not going to listen to you talk about sex with your boyfriend. That’s just too damn much information.”
“When did you become such a prude, Roxanne?” Pearllene asked with disapproval. “I get sex tips from Alexia and Carissa all the time.”
Her daughters were giving their grandmothersex tips? She decided she didn’t want to know.
Pearllene’s hearty laughter boomed through the phone. “You love Knox,” she said after a moment.
“I do.”
“Then you don’t need no double wedding. I’m so surprised at Bailey. It’s unlike her to be so selfish.”
Roxy stiffened. She didn’t want to get into an argument with Pearllene, but casting aspersions on Bailey crossed a line. “She isn’t selfish, Mama. I think it would tighten our bond further if we shared the experience of planning our wedding together. Besides, it was Mortician’s idea.”
“Oh. I see. Then, why don’t youaskKnox, instead of just making that decision for him. It’s his fucking day, too,” she said for the thousandth time. “Even Mortician knows that!”
“Askhim?” Roxy protested, ignoring the last part. Mortician knew a lot. He just didn’t give a fuck about things he didn’t agree with. Whoever went against what Bailey wanted would always be on the losing end. Therefore, Mortician wanting Bailey happy should also appease Knox, since he wanted a huge fucking wedding, too. Apparently, her mother didn’t see it that way. “Why the fuck should Iaskthat motherfucker a fucking thing?”
“A man’s gonna be a man. You couldn’t even enjoy your new engagement before you telling the man you sharing your day. He wanted to feel like he wears the pants in the family and take control of the situation.”
“That’s exactly my point! He wants to control me. Mortician has nothing to do with that!”
“Where the fuck is your brain, child? That man knows you the last person he can control. But a man like to look at his woman and know three things:He’sher provider, the most important thing in the world to her, and that he lay down some good pipe in the chooney.”
