Page 66 of Relentles
“I’m sure you wish Megan could have a normal pregnancy.”
“Or no pregnancy,” he said flatly, exhausted. “I wish…” Thinking of Megan and Jo sent tears to his eyes. He shook his head. “If I could turn back the hands of time, I would’ve had guards here. She wouldn’t have lost Patrick and I could enjoy the idea of waiting on our new baby without fuckingworrying.”
Megan loved babies. No, she loved being pregnant by him. As much as he tried to rationalize why, he was no longer sure if it was psychological or just a plain fucking kink. They had a fucking soccer team and theonlyreason she’d get the hysterectomy was because of Jo’s current problems. Not because babies and kids were as expensive as a motherfucker. And not because he’d have to build an adjacent house to give the little motherfuckers a roof over their heads.
“Fuck, I would give my fuckin’ fortune just for her to have a fuckin’normalpregnancy like she had with CJ.”
Just to see her smile and make her happy.
“And, now, because she’s such a stubborn lil’ motherfucker, Jo…”Might die.
Grabbing a Kleenex, he mopped his wet cheeks. Megan needed him to be strong. Ifhewas distraught, she must’ve been gutted.
“She’s quite fucking selfish.”
Johnnie’s derisive words snapped Christopher back to reality. He narrowed his eyes. Fuck, he was falling apart. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he’d bared his soul to Johnnie. Once, it was a regular occurrence. Long before he discoveredthey were half-brothers and thought of Johnnie as his cousin, he’d loved, respected, and admired him.
He still loved him. Respect clung to a thread. And admiration died slow and painfully.
He jumped to his feet, pounded his fist on the desk, then braced his hands on the wood, leaning forward. “Don’t fuckin’ repeat a motherfuckin’ thing I just shared with you.”
Sighing, Johnnie swung his gaze to Christopher. “I deserve that. I won’t say anything to anyone.”
“Especially my Megan.” Defeat almost overwhelmed him. He straightened, not knowing what the fuck to do with himself. “What I said is fuckin’ treasonous, and are the words of a selfish, feeling-sorry-for-himself, ungrateful fuckhead.”
Johnnie clenched his jaw and looked away. “You have feelings, too, Christopher. We all need to vent.”
“Usually ain’t ventin’ to no motherfuckerbeforeI vent to Megan,” he raged, dropping heavily into his chair.
He needed the poison out of his head, and Johnnie was there. Mort long ago became Christopher’s confidante, and he his. Unfortunately, their family crises intersected.
“If Megan’s as vulnerable as she sounds right now, you can’t talk to her, can you?”
“Johnnie, I swear to fuckin’ Christ—” He closed his eyes, too weary for threats. Over the years, he’d made many toward Johnnie and the other motherfuckers close to him. Most he never followed through on. Words were enough, and Megan always talked him down. Soothed him. Or fucked him if the danger was great enough. He loved her ability to seduce control away from him. He loved her soft heart and soft words that calmed him. He loved…her.
Even as angry as he was that shestillwanted fucking babies. He loved her from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet,and every place in between. And he simply hated how shattered he was because he couldn’t fix Jo and he couldn’t fix her.
“You were saying…?”
Christopher turned his head and stared at the wall, not caring about the tear sliding down his cheek. “Get the fuck out my fuckin’ office, Johnnie. That’s what the fuck I was sayin’.”
“I mean you or her no harm.Ilove her, too.”
He sure the fuck did. “Don’t. You gotyourbitch to love.”
“I’m not in love with Megan,” he snapped. “I love Kendall.”
“Ain’t sayin’ you don’t,” Christopher scoffed. Snatching another Kleenex and dabbing at his eyes, he glared at Johnnie. “I’m just sayin’ you torment my fuckin’ wife cuz you still want her.”
“If you really believed that, you would’ve killed me. Thinking of Kendall and my children’s devastation wouldn’t have saved me.”
“They didn’t this time.Megansaved you. She don’t want you fuckin’ dead.”
“But you do.”
“I don’t give a fuck one way or the other anymore,” he snarled. “A week ago, I would’ve said I wantedmyJohnnie back. Cuz, motherfucker, you once meant everyfuckinthing to me.”
“Until you met Megan.”
