Page 20 of Unexpected Love
“Why don’t I follow you back and see if I can get her down for you.” Jules surprises the hell out of mewith her offer.
I can’t handle any more stabs to the heart. It’s already in shreds. And if I try to take Charlie away from Jules, we’ll start the whole struggle bus over. All I want to do is go to sleep and put this day behind us.
So I lead the way. Back down the stairs, through the alley, up our stairs, into my apartment, and all the way to my guest bedroom.
“This is where she sleeps?” Jules asks. I detect a hint of incredulity in her voice, and my guard immediately goes back up, but I back out of the room as Jules sits on the edge of the bed and begins rocking.
Taking in the guest room, I sigh. I guess it could be a little more inviting. The playpen is wedged next to the wall at the foot of the bed. But it stays cool in here, and it’s nice and dark.
To fight the feeling that I’m a complete and total failure, I go clean up the kitchen mess.
I’ve just finished loading the dishwasher when Jules quietly closes the door behind her.
“I think she’s down now,” she whispers. Her hands splay on the countertop, and she looks like she’s got a million things to say.
I brace for the unknown. For the accusations that I’ve got no business trying to take care of a baby. It’s true. I know it. Despite how hard I’ve tried over the last few days, I’m drowning.
“I have no idea what I’m doing here.” The admission rips from deep in my soul.
I want to bethat guy, the hero who can fix all the things and make everything right in this little girl’s world.
But just like I failed that kid when I couldn’t save his mother, I can’t manage to take care of the one person who needs me most in the world.
The truth is humbling.
“You’re doing fine. Kids can be a lot.” She lets me off too easy. We both know it. “But if you don’t mind some helpful advice?” She pauses and takes a breath like she’s bracing for a truth bomb.
I nod for her to continue.
“Get her a real bed. Have a nighttime routine.”
I run a hand through my hair. At the rate I’m tugging it, I’ll be bald within a week. “Yeah, I thought that the cage she’s in looks uncomfortable.”
The corner of her mouth tips up in a grin. “It’s not a cage. But it could definitely be less like a board.”
The sight of that half smile has me mesmerized. But I don’t want to be mesmerized by her smile.
“Yeah, probably.”
Her eyes meet mine, and it’s like our gazes lock. Silence falls between us, intimate and uncomfortable. After seconds that feel like forever, she breaks the eye contact, tucking a curl behind her ear.
“I really am sorry that I woke her up.”
That makes me smile more. “But not for harassing me?”
“Truthfully? No.” Her smile widens. “I’m a byproduct of being the youngest in a houseful of boys growing up. I had to adapt to survive.”
“Interesting. I would’ve pegged you for the good little girl. The one who got straight A’s and followed all the rules.”
“Yeah, well. Shows what you know.” She leans back and pushes off the counter, breaking the spell we wove with the simple exchange. I think she’s getting ready to leave, and even though I don’t want to admit it, I don’t want her to go. She feels like a light amid this dark path I’m on.
“You want a drink?” I ask, desperate to get her to stay.
She wraps her arms around her waist, and that sweatshirt molds to her. It’s definitely covering some curves.
“Thanks, but no.”
She walks to the door, each step like a crack to my control.
