Page 34 of Ruthless Secrets
It’s not the best reasoning, but I was hurting, and then I was desperate to find a way to give my daughter the best life I could under the circumstances.
All I can do is hope that Marco is willing to look past my dishonesty for Zoe’s sake.
I lift Zoe out of the crib and cradle her against my chest, stroking her head of dark hair and singing to her as I rock her from side to side. After a few minutes, I manage to calm Zoe down enough to lay her back down in her crib. She still sleeps in my room because I can’t afford a bigger place, but I also like having her next to me. Sometimes, I bring her into my bed just so I can watch her sleep.
These first few months of her life have gone by so fast, and she’s changed so much. It won’t be long until she’s walking and talking and while I’m excited to watch her grow into her own person, I’m also terrified.
The world is a scary place, full of violence and pain. A world that Marco is all too familiar with.
We killed Lorenzo.
I knew there was a deeper reason I was choosing not to tell Marco about Zoe. His family is dangerous, and I need to protect my daughter, which is going to be harder to do now that he knows about her.
I gently close the door to my bedroom and creep back out into the living room.
Toys are strewn all over the floor, and there’s empty bottles and laundry on every available surface.
A lot of the time after putting Zoe down, I collapse on the sofa and spend the rest of the evening watching reality TV. But tonight, I need to keep my mind busy so I can’t think about Marco. So, I grab a laundry basket and start tidying the place up.
Just as I’m loading the last of the bottles into the sterilizer, a knock sounds at the door, and my heart skips a beat.
He’s come back.
Fresh tears sting my eyes as I rush to open it before Marco has a chance to change his mind.
But when I throw open the door and find Sam standing there with a bag of takeout in hand, a strangled sob escapes my lips.
I had completely forgotten that we had made plans to have dinner tonight, which only makes me feel worse.
Not only am I a terrible mother, but I’m also a terrible friend.
“Why do you look devastated to see me?” Sam laughs, but then she notices the look on my face and her expression instantly turns serious. “What happened?”
I shrug as my throat is too thick with emotion to speak.
Sam steps inside and shuts the door behind her.
“Clara, talk to me.” She keeps a calm tone as she drops the bag of takeout on the console table.
Where do I even start?
As I picture the look on Marco’s face as I told him he had a child, the tears start pouring down my cheeks once again.
He didn’t look shocked or devastated. He lookedhorrified, which is exactly what I was afraid of.
No matter how Zoe came into this world, I never want her to feel like she wasn’t wanted.
Sam takes my hand. “Okay, let’s go and sit down.”
I let her guide me back into the living room and over to the couch.
She says nothing as she sits beside me and watches the tears continue to stream down my face.
What if Marco decides he wants to fight me for custody? Could he use my lack of openness against me and have me deemed unfit to take care of Zoe? After all, he has money and resources that can give Zoe a lot more stability—all things that I don’t have.
“Oh, god.”
“Take a breath, Clara.”
