Page 126 of Two Guys One Puck
Seaborn narrows his eyes. “I don’t have the energy to do this today, Ktytor…”
“Like I said, I’m just trying to smoke and have a minute of peace.”
“Fine.” He tries to go in the door he came out of, but it doesn’t open. He growls, hitting it, but then walks toward me, presumably to go in the main door, but he doesn’t look so good.
I step in his path. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know what last night was, but you don’t have to do this.” But he doesn’t try to pass me.
“You played well today. Congratulations.”
“How are your hands?”
I hold my cigarette to my lips and shrug. “I didn’t score and we lost. That should tell you everything.”
“I figured. Can you close them?”
“A little. Tomorrow will be better.” My heart clenches. “Small talk sucks.”
“No kidding.”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too, but that’s not enough.” His words are like knives.
My brows pull. “?? ??? ?? ????, ??? ???? ?? ????.”
“What does that mean?”
“Is something my dad used to say all the time. Is from a very old dark satirical comedy called The Good Soldier Svejk. Hard to translate, but it means something like: there was never nothing; there was always something. Life will always throw stones. There will never be a good time for this.” It’s not easy to say, and maybe he won’t listen, but I have to try.
“But all these things aren’t normal life shit. It’s life in the closet and long distance, and it’s fucking hard. This is not normal people life shit. How can we resolve any of it?” The light is gone from his eyes, and I hate having a part in that.
“I don’t have an answer for you, but I know no one makes me feel like you do. I don’t want that to stop.”
“I don’t want it to either.” He hangs his head, and it breaks me a little more.
“Being away from you sucks,” I admit. I’d allowed myself to get a taste of it, and now, I wanted the whole damn thing. But this kind of life wasn’t meant for me.
“No shit. But that didn’t stop you from freaking out and leaving.” Seaborn’s voice cracks. “You can’t just change your mind on a dime and expect me to keep up.”
“I’ve never changed my mind. I don’t know how to make any of it work. How can we have both? Everything you said was right,and seeing you with all those women just made me realize if I keep doing this, I’ll kill them.”
He laughs.
“Is no joke. I will put them in the ground. Probably alive, so they learn to not touch what is mine.”
“I kinda like jealous you. It’s hot.”
“Is not hot. What drugs you take?”
“It is hot. I’m not going to apologize for thinking so.” He crosses his arms.
“Now you’re not pissy, and my freak out is hot to you?” I can’t wrap my head around what he’s saying. “Aren’t you mad at me?”
“No.”
“But I am jealous dick.” I don’t understand him. “How can you like this?”
