Page 31 of The Tempo of Truth
We’d spent the day running around the city.Winnie took us to Lowe’s school and showed us around.I could tell the little guy was still nervous that classes were about to start, but he did his best to act tough since I was tagging along.Afterward, we went to an interactive children’s museum and had lunch at a famous pizza place.Lowe wanted to go to the zoo and then to an arcade.I had no idea how he had so much energy.Thankfully, Winnie distracted him with a trip to a nearby park so we could kick the ball around together.I think she could tell I was nervous.
I’d never spent much time around kids, and it was weird being followed by a security detail all day.I felt like I was back in the fishbowl that’d shattered when my gambling scandal broke.I forgot how unnerving and invasive it felt to have eyes on you at all times.I asked Lowe if it bothered him.He shrugged his tiny shoulders and told me, “Mommy says it’s better to be safe than sorry.”
I asked Winnie how she handled the constant scrutiny because I clearly remembered the reason I had the opportunity to play her hero was her trying to escape the security guard her uncle had assigned to her.She shrugged, the gesture identical to Lowe’s, and reasoned, “I learned my lesson when I was younger.If I hadn’t been so defiant back then, there never would’ve been an opportunity for those who wanted to hurt me to get close.”
Lowe nodded, his little face now covered in chocolate syrup.He waved his spoon around like a baton.“I like Helio.He plays with me whenever I ask.He’s big and scary.He will keep all the bad people away.Sometimes I wish he was my dad.”
Winnie and I froze, our eyes locking across the table.I couldn’t describe the feeling in my chest at the thought of my son wanting someone else to be his father.Now that I knew he was mine, I had no intention of letting anyone else take my place or be of more importance in his life than I was.I’d missed a lot of his milestones through no fault of my own, but I was determined to be there for the rest of them, regardless of whether Winnie and I worked things out.
Winnie recovered her composure before I did.She braced an arm on the table and leaned closer to Lowe.She found a napkin somewhere and tried to clean up the mess on his face.“Your dad is the reason Ky and I wanted to talk with you today.You know I’ve always told you I’d introduce you to your father when the time was right?”
“Yep.You always say I’m not the only one who needs to grow up a little bit before we meet each other.”I snorted as she shot me a guilty glance.I couldn’t fault her reasoning.If she tried to tell me I was a father back when I was barely getting by, I would’ve disappointed everyone involved.Lowe turned his head, his dark gaze a miniature version of mine, and stared at me while his little brain put the dots together.His head cocked to the side like an inquisitive puppy as he stated, “You’re my dad.”
“I’m your dad.”My voice cracked, and I was surprised to feel the warm burn of tears in my eyes.It’d been a minute since I’d been so emotional or vulnerable.It was wild that someone so small could bring me to my knees.
Lowe waved the spoon around like it was a magic wand and stated, “I guessed it a long time ago.Mommy has liked you for a long time.She showed me pictures of you playing for a bunch of different teams and collected all your jerseys even before I was born.Whenever I ask about my dad, she tells me he’s someone very special, just like me.Everyone says I look just like you.We’re both extra handsome.One of my cousins already asked me if you were my dad.I told them that you love football even more than I do, so it wouldn’t suck if youweremy dad.”
There were a lot of profound concepts dumbed down in the little boy’s words.Good thing.I might not have been able to wrap my head around them otherwise.I cleared my throat and blinked hard to hold back the moisture in my eyes.“Weareextra handsome.I’m honored I get the chance to be your dad, Lowe.I’m going to do my best, but I’ve never been a dad before, and I never had one around when I was growing up.I might screw things up, so you gotta be honest with me if I’m not doing it right, okay?”
Lowe’s expression scrunched up in a thoughtful manner as he looked between me and Winnie.“I think that’s fine.Mommy was never a mommy before me, and she does a great job.She’s the best.”
I hummed a soft sound of agreement.“She sure is something else.”
Lowe finally set the spoon down and pushed away the half-melted ice cream.Winnie moved it out of the spill zone as she grabbed the bright red cherry that Lowe left behind and popped it into her mouth.
“Since you’re my dad, does that mean you’re going to move in with us?You’ve been having a lot of sleepovers with Mommy lately.”He huffed an annoyed sound and gave Winnie a frustrated look.“It’s not fair.I only get to have sleepovers on the weekends.”
Winnie cleared her throat and told him, “When school starts, you have to get used to being home on the weekdays so you can do your homework.And if you want to play sports, you won’t have as much time to see your cousins.I want you to adjust early.”
The frown on his face grew deeper.“Nothing about school sounds fun.Do I really have to go?”
I chuckled.The weight of worry sitting on my heart about how Lowe would take the news finally fell away.It seemed like he was much more concerned about his future kindergarten classes than his parentage.
“You have to go.”Winnie’s tone left no room for argument.“And don’t pay so much attention to adult business.If your dad and I are discussing living together, we’ll let you know.As of now, things won’t change much.Ky wants to get to know you better and spend plenty of time with you since we were in Japan and Italy when you were a baby.”
Lowe settled his inquisitive gaze on me.“Why didn’t you come to see us?The island where we lived was so nice.Mommy told me that my grandma kept the place special just for us.She said if I was really quiet, I could hear her singing to me when the wind blew.”
I sat back in my seat and nervously cracked my knuckles.The popping sound made Winnie flinch.I wasn’t sure how to address my sordid past with a young child.I didn’t want to be the reason Lowe lost any of his innocence.
“I made a very big mistake shortly before you were born.It was better to keep the people I cared about far away from me at the time.I’m still trying to clean up the mess I made back then.Fortunately, your mom reminded me that things go faster when there are more hands putting things back where they belong.”
“She must really like you.My mom hates cleaning.She always complains when she has to vacuum and dust and says she should hire a housekeeper.I even caught Helio folding laundry one time because he was tired of it sitting on the couch.”
I put a hand on the top of his head so I could ruffle his soft hair.The curls didn’t come from me, so they must’ve been Winnie’s genetics doing their best to leave a mark.“You shouldn’t rat your mom out like that, Lowe.It’s your job to protect her image and have her back.”
He nodded solemnly.“I know.Uncle Win told me people are always going to say bad things about us because of our last name.We have to be a united front.”He looked at me thoughtfully.“Does that include you, even though you’re not a Halliday?”
“It includes me becauseyou’rea Halliday, Lowe.And so is your mom.We’re a family, even if we have different last names and don’t live together right now.We’re a family, regardless of whether it took us longer to meet than most fathers and sons.”
They were big, complicated notions, but Lowe seemed to accept everything without a struggle.I was the one having a hard time and didn’t know what to do with myself when the little boy asked, “Am I supposed to call you Dad from now on?”
Winnie nearly choked on the mouthful of soupy ice cream she had snuck while Lowe and I were talking.I looked at her for guidance.We had never discussed what the next steps should be once Lowe knew who I was.I still needed time to learn how to be a parent, and Lowe needed more time to get to know me better.He hadn’t figured out I was a loser just yet.Winnie shot me a helpless look.
“You can call me whatever you want.If you want to call me Dad, can you wait until your mom and I make a statement letting the world know I’m your father?If we don’t tell people, they’re going to be annoying while trying to get an answer to who your dad is.”
He rolled his eyes.“Those reporters are always annoying, no matter what.I’ll just call you Ky for now.It doesn’t really feel like I have a dad yet.When it does, then I’ll call you that.”
I chuckled at the spot-on logic.I knew I was biased, but I was pretty sure my son was a genius.Or at least far more emotionally intelligent than the average kindergartener.He was most definitely more self-aware than I was.
