Page 42 of The Tempo of Truth
Lowe kept whispering in my ear that everything would be okay and shifted in my hold like he wanted to get down.He’d done great for his first funeral, but every little kid had a limit to what they could bear.
Winnie took him from me and promised our son she would find him a snack.As they walked away, my mother turned to me and grabbed my hand in a life-or-death grip.
Under her breath, she urgently told me, “You need to hold on to her this time, Kyser.If you let her and that little boy go, that’s the real loss you’ll never be able to overcome.”I looked at the woman who raised me and also ruined me, unsure how to respond.
“I always regretted taking the money Win Halliday offered us,” she said.“It seemed like our way out.It felt like a lifesaver at the time, but it ended up being a trap.It gave us things that didn’t belong to us, so they were impossible to hold on to.I’ll never forget the way you looked at me when I told you how much money I lost and that if your team didn’t lose that playoff match, I was going to be in serious trouble with my bookie.It was like I stabbed you in the heart.That look showed me just how much I failed at being a mother.I ruined you, Ky.Everyone in your life has, except for Winnie.She has always been your biggest supporter.She will never put herself before what’s best for you.If I hadn’t taken that money and taken you abroad, I strongly believe you and she would have found a way to be together without all the interruptions.”My mom grabbed my face between her hands and stared at me seriously and pointedly.“That little boy is a manifestation of how much Winnie Halliday has always loved you.She didn’t have to share Lowe with you.She didn’t have to make space for you in her extravagant world.She didn’t have to wait for you to get back on your feet.She’s doing all of that because she believes in you more than anybody.No one in this world will love you as well as that young woman does.I’m embarrassed to admit it.”
I once again found myself choked up and overcome with emotion.I sighed and dragged a hand down my face.“I don’t think I know what it’s like to love someone as deeply as Winnie loves me, Mom.I’ve loved and been passionate aboutthings,but never another person.”Maybe because I knew deep down, I was always likely to let the other person down.
I didn’t have the same examples of love and solidarity that Winnie did.
My mom squashed my cheeks together like I was a little kid and gave me a sad smile.“Fine.If you don’t think you know how to love as big and grand as you’re being loved, then you fight.We both know you can do that in your sleep.Fight for Winnie and fight for your son.And don’t ever stop.Don’t let anything get in your way.Okay?”
I grabbed her wrists and reached out to wipe away her tears the same way Lowe did for Winnie moments ago.I forced a shaky grin, thinking to myself that Lev would have liked this moment between my mom and me quite a bit.In another lifetime, I think he would have wanted to fight for her.And since he couldn’t do that in this life, not once did he ever stop fighting for me.
“I’ll do my best to prove she made the right choice when she picked me.”She had a lot of options but never wavered.I was always the only one in her heart.As for me, since I decided to pry open the door of my rusty cage and step back into the world, the next step was to free her from the much fancier and harder-to-escape cage she’d always been locked in.That was the best way for me to prove to her that I cared about her and understood what she needed better than anyone else.
Several weeks later, I put the theory that I was worthy of being Winnie’s best choice to the test.
I was running an innocuous errand, stopping by Halliday headquarters to make sure Winnie ate something and to check that she wasn’t rotting away at her desk.She worked too much lately.Since I knew she was putting in extra hours to properly punish the people who hurt Lev, the least I could do was make sure she was well fed and had the occasional treat.
My mother was still in town.I’d had my hands full with her and taking care of Lowe, so there wasn’t much time to allow me to worry about the people who harmed Lev getting their just desserts.My heart wasn’t as consumed with hatred as I thought it would be.Instead, it felt like it was balanced on a precarious precipice, ready to tip over into something new and exciting with the slightest push.I was torn about opening myself up to feelings I never thought were possible, but I knew I had to take the leap if I was going to commit myself to Winnie and our son.
All of that nearly came crashing down when the elevator doors at Winnie’s office opened, and I caught sight of the man who treated the lives of those he considered less than as a commodity he could toss in the garbage once they served their usefulness.I froze for a moment, then rushed into the small space and cornered him against the back of the enclosure.
In one hand was a bakery bag filled with sweetness; in the other was Oliver Byrd’s throat.I dug my fingers into the fragile column so hard I nearly crushed his windpipe.The elevator doors started to close, and I seriously considered whether I could choke the life out of him before we reached the floor where Winnie’s office was.
All I could see was red and the small urn that held a larger-than-life Lev.This guy might be worth a fortune monetarily, but he couldn’t touch how valuable Lev had been to a bunch of guys who were just like me.
For a couple of seconds, I thought it would be worth it to shove my fist down his throat and my foot up his ass.The satisfaction of making him bleed seemed like it would be much more gratifying than watching him squirm on the hook Winnie impaled through his chest.In my head, I kept hearing everyone telling me that I was a fighter and reminding me to fight for what mattered most.And somewhere between the scent of fried dough and the expensive air freshener that filled Halliday Inc., I realized I wasn’t a fighter or a football player.
I was a dad.
And I was Winnie Halliday’s first and forever love.Nobody else could ever claim that honorable distinction.
If I tore Oliver Byrd apart, all it would prove was that I was physically stronger than him and not nearly as in control as I wanted to be.If I fought him now, all it would do is show Winnie that my impulses and pain were more important to me than being there for her and Lowe.I’d end up in a real cage, not a metaphorical one.
And maybe most importantly, my actions would show Winnie I didn’t trust her enough to handle this man, who was honestly just the first in a long line of the exact same type she was going to face off against as the head of the company.I didn’t understand the rules of her world, but I knew if I was the one to break them, she would ultimately suffer.
Once I released his throat, he scurried out of the elevator without so much as a backward glance.I knew the short scuffle left him injured, but he didn’t seem like he was fleeing from me and my wrath in terror.More like he couldn’t get away fast enough from the kingdom and the queen he’d so thoughtlessly offended.
I’d never thought of Winnie as a woman who was intimidating or fierce, but I looked forward to uncovering those sides of her.
Choosing her and Lowe over knocking out Oliver Byrd’s teeth really made me wonder if I’d been in love with her since the start and was too stupid to realize it.
My love sure as fuck looked different from everyone else’s, but you’d thinkIwould recognize it at some point.
Winnie had always seen things between us more clearly than I did.I silently hoped she could always see what my love looked like because it was crafted in her vision and her vision alone.
Winnie
“I have nothing left.You ruined my life.”
“But at least you have a life to live.”I snapped the words back at Oliver and looked at the downtrodden man sitting across from my desk.
“You’ve got your health.You’ve got your freedom.You’ve got two hands.You have everything you need to start over.You can build something for yourself from the bottom up, the same way everyone without the privilege of being from an established and wealthy family does.Be happy you didn’t end up in the morgue or as a forgotten headline.You’re fortunate; I’m not nearly as bloodthirsty as the Halliday women who came before me.”My grandmother might have been able to stomach murder for forward momentum, but I couldn’t.I shivered whenever I thought about how Lowe would view his mother if he knew the lengths I was forced to go to while guarding his legacy.I could be callous and cruel, but I never crossed a certain line, unlike the man standing before me.
I leaned back in the leather chair and kept my expression bland.“Now that the last bit of paperwork is finalized, there’s no reason for you to show your face in front of me or my family ever again.It would be in your best interest to give me a wide berth.You never know when I may decide that you haven’t suffered enough.Rub me the wrong way and I very well may need you to pay the same price as Lev Petrov did.”
