Page 15 of Good Vibes Only
I shook my head. “Not lookin’ good, boys.”
“You couldn’t convince him to make the window displays a little more PG?” Tank asked.
“The owner’s a she,” I said. “And no. Not even close. She seemed incredibly insulted I’d even asked.”
“Oh, and I’m sure you askedverytactfully,” Rust said sarcastically.
I snickered. “Hey, I tried to be diplomatic at first. And I could’ve sworn we had a little something going—until I introduced myself as the owner of the brewery next door. Then she instantly hated me.”
“Hm, weird,” Tank said. “I’ve noticed you seem to have that effect on people.”
I grinned. “Yeah, but especially with her. She said the noise from our construction is hurting her business.” I lowered my voice. “It was pretty loud next door, I gotta admit. But what am I supposed to do about it? The construction’s gotta get done. It’s not like we can just stop.”
Tank gasped. “Oh no! Is BarDown ruining blowjob class?”
“Yeah, actually. And a few other classes, too. She even showed me a list of all the classes she had to cancel. So yeah, she basically said,‘fuck you and your brewery, I’m not going anywhere.’And it didn’t help when I offered to buy her out of her lease. She kept calling me a spoiled trust fund kid.”
The boys loved hearing that. They cheered and clapped their sticks on the ice.
“I’d say you fucked that one up pretty good,” Dakota said. “Putting your miserable failure aside for a sec, I’m curious about the owner. What’s she like? Cougar? MILF?”
“Neither, man, she’s young. And I can’t even lie,” I admitted with a begrudging groan. “She’s beautiful, boys.”
“What?!”
“Seriously?”
I nodded dourly. “Yup. She’s smoking hot. A petite blonde with the biggest little ass you’ve ever seen. Just a total babe.”
“Wait. Did you say, biggestlittleass?” Tank asked, stumped.
I doubled down. “Yeah. Biggest little ass ever.”
But the others were confused, too:
“That doesn’t make any sense, Showtime.”
“Is the ass big, or is the ass small?”
“Yeah, it’s gotta be one or the other. Can’t be both.”
“It’s both,” I said. “Trust me, if you saw it, you’d see what I mean.”
Brock chimed in. “I think Showtime is saying that she is of a smaller stature, but her butt, relative to the rest of her dimensions, is proportionally larg—”
“Holy fuck, boys,” I interrupted, exasperated. “It’s not rocket science. She’s small, but she’s got an amazing booty. How do you not understand this?”
“Kinda like you, Showtime, and how you’re the king of the manlets?” Tank asked.
The boys and I exploded with laughter.
“I dated this chick from high school like that for a minute,” Dakota said. “She was a spinner with a juicy ass.” He hung his head. “Man. Too bad I fucked it all up before I even got to hit it.”
“No way.You,Dak? Fucking up your chances with a woman?” I teased. “I am truly shocked.”
“That’s rich, coming from you,” Dakota said, giving me a whack with his stick. “Because it sounds like you just fucked your chancesandyour business with this chick.”
“Bahahaha.”
