Page 20 of Because of You
At least she has her Couch Time snacks for tomorrow so she doesn’t have to go to the grocery store late tonight or get mad at herself tomorrow morning that she forgot. I like being the one to do these little things for her.
I haven’t seen Hallie since Maya’s adoption hearing. It isn’t unusual to go so long without seeing each other, but since that morning at my loft, I have been worried about her. She didn’t open up much, but it was more than she had before. The way she broke down when I helped her with the logistics of her morning just killed me. If she would let me, I would take care of all her logistics. I would take care ofher. She hardly ever lets anyone take care of her. She doesn’t seem to know how. But she let me. Iam trying not to read anything into it, but I’m obviously failing, and clearly, my brain is melting. See: dressing room pictures. I cringe. I’ll be cringing about that for a while.
Since Hallie is busy, I move on to my second choice, although he would kick my ass for referring to him as that. Jeremy is working the bar tonight, but he doesn’t have to be there for a few hours. I figure it’s time we have the talk about Stonegate that we promised to have this weekend. I still can’t bring myself to make a decision about it, but not talking about it is making me antsy, so here we are.
Me
Wings and the baseball game?
Jeremy
Fuck yes. 30 minutes.
We don’t have to specify where. Wings and baseball always mean The Dugout, a sports bar we have been going to since college. We grab our usual table along the back wall with the best view of the TV and place our order for beers and wings with the server.
“So, should we talk about it?” The thing about having friends who are as close as Jeremy and I are is that you can hide nothing from them. Jeremy knew what this little get together was about the second I texted him.
“Yeah, I think it’s time.”
“So, what are you thinking?”
“Honestly, I’m still not sure.”
“That’s unusual for you. You’re usually pretty decisive when it comes to the business. What makes this different?”
He’s right. I am decisive about the business. From the location of the bar, to the type of alcohol we stock, to the staff we hire and the color of the stain on the hardwood floor, I makedecisions easily and rarely waiver. But something about this one is throwing me, and I can’t figure out why.
“I really don’t know, Jer. I’ve been turning it over and over in my head, and I keep going back and forth. It would explode our business, which I guess is good. But it would also turn Fireside into a zoo when all we ever wanted was a neighborhood bar. Being in stadiums and arenas would be cool, but it would also require a lot of travel and time away. I can’t settle on an easy yes or no with this, and it’s making me feel crazy. You seem so calm about it all.”
“It’s different for you, I think. I have my work with the foundation, which I love, and I have the bar with you, which I also love. Yes, taking this deal would change the feel of our location here, but that’s okay with me. Even though we all forget sometimes, Pittsburgh isn’t where I grew up. I love it here, and I never want to leave, but I grew up somewhere else. Pittsburgh is my home, but it’s not in my blood the way it is yours.”
He is right about that. I am a Pittsburgh boy through and through, raised at the corner of Forbes and Murray and bleeding black and gold. “So, you want to do it?”
“I’m not saying that. I’m saying that I would be fine if we did, but also fine if we didn’t. I don’t have strong feelings either way, but I get the sense that you have strong feelings all the ways.”
“You’re right about that,” I mutter, irritated with myself that I can’t just make a decision and let it go. “We should probably also talk about the money of it all. We would make a lot of it if we did this.”
Jeremy scoffs. “I don’t need the money, and let’s be real, you don’t care about the money.”
He’s right again. I don’t care about the money. The bar does well, and we already own the building and my loft upstairs. And even though I hate thinking or talking about it because it makesme feel uncomfortably elitist, I have a trust fund with more money in it than I will ever need.
I think Jeremy can probably read what’s on my face, because the next words out of his mouth are, “I’m not saying we turn it down because we’re both swimming in cash. I’m saying that we talk about the legitimate reasons to take or not take the offer and not muddy the waters with the things that don’t matter to either of us right now.”
“You’re right, Jer. I know you’re right. And I still have no fucking clue what to do.”
“Look, I know that you’re struggling with this, and I’m not sure you really know why. I think maybe you need to set it aside for a while. Like, really set it aside and not think about it. We have until the end of the year to decide. We go to the lake in a week, and we’ll be there for two. Put it out of your head until after that. We’ll all go get some sun, spend time together, and maybe you’ll come back with a clearer head. And I know we agreed not to talk to anyone else about it while we decide what we want to do, but maybe talk to your dad? He’s a businessman too. He might be able to help.”
I consider this. My dad and I are close, but we rarely talk about business. It’s my fault. He is a second-generation real estate developer in the city. Parker Inc. developed most of the business district in downtown Pittsburgh and various other neighborhoods around the city, including the South Side where we are currently sitting. Even though he never says anything and has been nothing but supportive, I always feel like maybe he somehow disapproves of me opening a bar instead of going into business with him. Which is why business is never a huge topic of discussion when I’m with him.
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Talk to him, Ben. He might be able to help you untangle some of your thoughts about this.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Good. So, aside from your uncharacteristic indecisiveness, what else is going on?”
My mind immediately turns back to my texts with Hallie, and I cringe all over again.
