Page 28 of Because of You
“Take a walk past table twelve,” says Asher, pointing a couple of tables away. “Rookie table.” He winks at her and leads Julie to the dance floor.
Molly saunters away, swinging her hips when she gets to table twelve, where wolf-whistles erupt.
“What do you say, Em? Feel like dancing?” asks Jeremy.
Emma looks like she wants the floor to swallow her up, but she manages a quick nod and takes Jeremy’s offered hand.
And then it’s just Ben and me at the table. “Want to dance, Hal?” he asks, his voice low. I stare at him for a second, forgetting how to speak because this is Ben, and Ben has never—ever—talked to me in a low, sexy voice before. I am shocked at how much I don’t hate it. He holds out his hand to me, and Itake it and stand. He leads me to the far corner of the dance floor and I’m weightless, floating over the dance floor as he turns me around, sliding his hand loosely around my waist and bringing our joint hands up between us to rest on his chest. I wrap my other arm around his neck, and we sway together, him turning us slowly as the music floats over the room.
Ben pulls me almost imperceptibly closer, tucking me against him more firmly. He’s at least eight inches taller than I am, but my heels give me enough extra height that the top of my head comes up right under his chin. I could rest my head perfectly on his chest if I wanted to. And why do I suddenly want to?
Friend, Hallie. Friend Ben.
Then the hand resting on my waist starts to drift up and down my lower back as we move, and butterflies erupt in my stomach. Ben is giving me butterflies. Ben. My Ben. Friend Ben. We have danced together before, but it sure never felt like this. My entire body buzzes with awareness.
Then Ben dips his head and speaks directly into my ear. A shiver runs down my spine as his lips graze the shell of my ear. “You really do look beautiful tonight, Hal. I saw you in that dress when you walked in, and I lost the power of speech for a full minute.”
I freeze and slowly tip my head back to make sure it’s still Ben I’m dancing with, because my Ben has never talked to me like this. Never. But there he is. My Ben, who I have known my entire life. Ben, whose face is as familiar to me as my own. Ben, who is suddenly looking at me like he wants to devour me whole.
I would let him. The thought crashes into me without warning. I suck in a breath and tip my head back down, so I’m not looking at him in the eyes anymore. Weird things happen tonight when I look Ben in the eye.
Ben’s hand drifts up my back and presses gently so that my head rests on his chest. Then he drifts it back down, his fingersdragging along my spine before his arm loops back around my waist. We finish out the song that way, and when the music changes again to something upbeat, we stand there for a few seconds, not moving a single muscle. I am a tangled riot of feelings from this one dance with Ben, and I have no clue what to do about it. He slowly pulls away from me and searches my eyes before kissing my forehead and leading me back to the table.
The rest of the gala passes in a blur of mingling, dessert, long looks with Ben that I have no idea how to interpret, and conversations with strangers Jules pushes me into to network for the firm. The upside to this weird vibe between Ben and me is that I am too preoccupied to worry that I might be soliciting clients for a practice I don’t want, for a firm that I may or may not be a part of when it opens in January. Small blessings, I guess.
And then the night is over. We say our goodbyes to Jeremy and Asher, who has glued himself to Jeremy’s side, seemingly pretty serious about getting involved in the foundation.
Molly, Julie, and Emma hug Ben goodbye and turn to go, leaving me standing alone in front of him. This night has been so unexpectedly strange that for the first time in almost thirty years of friendship, I don’t know what to say to him. Ben doesn’t have the same problem. He pulls me into a hug. His arms band around me, and I can feel his hard chest pressed against me. His lips ghost against my ear again as he whispers, “See you at the lake, Hallie girl.”
The butterflies in my stomach flare to life again. We pull apart and I mumble, “See you tomorrow,” before running out of the ballroom to catch up with my friends.
I stare out the limo window on the way home, wondering for the millionth time what the fuck happened tonight, why I am so turned on, and what I’m going to do about it.
Chapter Nineteen
Ben
Ipace my loft, replaying the entire night in my head. I got back from the gala twenty minutes ago, and all I have done is throw my tux jacket over a chair and untie my tie. After my talk with Jeremy earlier this week and then with Allie and Jordan tonight, it’s like something broke free inside me. It is scary as fuck. But for the first time in the eleven years since I started seeing Hallie as more than a friend, I let some of those feelings out.
The looks. The touches. The dance, Jesus Christ.
Nothing has ever felt as good as holding her on that dance floor, and she was not unaffected. I felt the way she melted into me. The way she shivered when I whispered in her ear. The way she looked at me when the dance was over.
There was confusion, sure, but there was also curiosity and a shimmer of heat I have never seen before in those green eyes I have known my entire life. It may be wishful thinking, but somehow, I don’t think so. A whole ocean’s worth of hope expands in my chest. After eleven years, my head and my heart are in perfect agreement that the possibility of what we could be is worth the risk of whatever might happen if it turns out we aren’t that.
I go to the kitchen and grab a beer from the fridge. Then, I sink onto my couch to think. Because this is happening, and I need a plan. A lifetime of knowing Hallie means I know two things for sure. First, she hates change. And second, there is no one more in need of a safe space than her. Come at her with something new and different, something that could shift her equilibrium and change her life and the lives of all the people she loves, and she’ll run, all alone, fast and far in the other direction. There is no change bigger than this one. But all I have ever wanted was for her to run to me, not away from me. I have tried to be her safe space for our entire lives, and to make this happen, I have to show her that I can be that for her no matter what our relationship looks like.
Tonight at the gala was as good a start as any, and our lake trip could not be coming at a better time. None of us are ever more ourselves than we are when we are at my family’s lake house. For two weeks every summer, we put work and our regular lives away and let loose, just like we did when we were kids. At the lake, everyone is a little bit more. A little happier. A little freer. A little wilder. It is the place where the good things happen.
My phone dings, startling me out of my thoughts. It’s the group chat with the guys.
Jeremy
Ben, you ok? Your head was somewhere else at the end of the gala.
Jordan
What happened at the end of the gala?
