Page 45 of Because of You
“I’ve felt it for a long time—that you and I would be right together. Longer than the summer. Much longer.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Hallie
Longer than the summer. Much longer.My brain is spinning out a movie reel of all my moments with Ben over the last few years, and I am trying to put my finger on the moment things changed for him. But I honestly can’t because until the last few weeks, I thought Ben and I were just…Ben and I. Best friends, family friends, people who care deeply about each other. We have always been close, and he just gets me.
I don’t think I ever really considered there might be anything romantic between us. But then I get a flash of a memory. It was a few years ago right here at the lake. Ben brought Sarah, his girlfriend at the time. The second night we were here, I ended up on the deck at two in the morning when I couldn’t sleep, and I spotted Ben and Sarah sitting by the lake. They were wrapped in each other, his hands holding her face, kissing like the world was ending. I remember feeling a hot rush of something that at the time I thought was anger at someone else—an outsider—invading our sacred lake vacation. But considering what just happened, I’m looking at that night in a whole new light, and what I felt now seems frighteningly close to…jealousy? And I think about being at the bar a couple weeks ago, and my reactionto seeing those women flirt with him. Holy shit. I was jealous of Sarah and those women and never even realized it.
I’ve wanted him all this time and I never even knew it.
I think about the looks he gave me during that trip. The glances he tossed my way that I wrote off as nothing. The ones he gave me when he was holding her hand or kissing her head or kissing her in…other ways. I brushed them off at the time, but now…there’s no other way to see them. He was with her, but he was looking at me. And holy fucking shit. He really has wanted me all this time.
That’s the only reasonable explanation because what just happened was life altering and we didn’t even have actual sex. I hope we can fix that soon because bedroom Ben is sexy. Who knew he had such a dirty mouth and that this hot as all fuck in bed was buried inside my lovely, magically knows how I take my coffee, supports me like no one else, and gives me the safe place I’ve always needed Ben.
I flop down next to him, and he winds his arm around me, rolling me back on my side so we are face to face again.
“How much longer?” I ask. Because for some reason, in this moment, laying naked next to him, knowing how long Ben has been harboring feelings for me is the most important thing in the world.
A blush rises on his cheeks, and he looks away from me for a second before turning back and mumbling, “Since high school.”
What the fuck?
“Did you just say since high school?”
Ben blows out a breath. “Yes.”
“You’ve had feelings for me since high school?”
“Yes.”
“So, like, more than a decade?”
“Yes,” he says, looking away again, clearly embarrassed. Now it’s his turn to sit up. He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath.
“It was senior year, the night of Wes Calloway’s graduation party. I was standing by my front door, irritated as shit because we were supposed to drive together, and you and Jules were taking forever to get ready. I was about to leave without you when you guys finally came down the stairs. You were wearing the tightest jeans I had ever seen and a black crop top. You curled your hair and did something with your eye makeup that was all dark and sparkly and hot as fuck, and suddenly, you weren’t best friend Hallie. You were hot girl Hallie with a body I wanted to run my hands over and an ass I couldn’t tear my eyes away from, who made my heart and my stomach feel all weird. We were only eighteen, and I didn’t know shit. I thought maybe it would go away, but it never did. It just got stronger. I tried to hide it from you and everyone for all these years, but I couldn’t do it anymore.” He locks eyes with me. “I can’t do it anymore.”
I sit up and face him, more than a little stunned. “You remember what I was wearing?” It seems unimportant in the grand scheme of what Ben just revealed, but it’s the only detail I can latch onto.
“A guy tends to remember the details about the first and only girl to ever knock him flat on his ass.”
“Only girl? But you had other girlfriends. Or, girlfriend, I guess. What about Sarah?”
“What about her? I liked her, but she never knocked me flat on my ass. No one has since I saw you walking down those stairs eleven years ago. And she was the last girlfriend I had because even when I was with her, I could only see you.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Seriously, Hallie? We have been friends our entire lives. Our families are best friends. You and Jules are as close as sisters.I never wanted to risk messing with that when you had never shown an ounce of interest beyond friendship. But I am only so strong, and eleven years is my limit. I couldn’t live anymore without telling you. I don’t know what you are thinking about tonight and what just happened, but this isn’t a one-time thing for me. You are not a one-time thing for me.”
He lifts his hands up to cup both of my cheeks, his eyes dark and intense.
“Hallie girl, you are my best friend and the most important person in my life. And you are also so much more than that. I thinkwecan be so much more than that. Maybe this is too much for right now when this is so new, but fuck it. We don’t need to label it yet; we can just take it all one day at a time. But I hope you’ll give me a chance to show you what I think we can be together. Because, Hallie, I think we can be everything.”
I look at him for a few seconds, and it scares me how quickly my feelings shifted. How much I want this. How much I wanthim. For once, though, that trickle of fear pushes me closer instead of away. I lean forward to wrap my arms around his neck.
“I’d like you to show me,” I whisper in his ear.
He lets out a little grunt of what sounds like relief and his arms go around my waist, holding tight for a minute before he pulls away and seals his mouth over mine. The kiss is sweet and sexy and a promise of everything that lays ahead of us. Neither of us makes a move to deepen the kiss, but electricity still rolls through me, and I marvel at the fact that thismorehas been inside of me all along, waiting.
