Page 7 of Because of You
“Dude, I know that already. Remember when you asked me to cover last night? I should have been home on my couch with a beer and the baseball game, but instead I was here so that you could get up at stupid o’clock this morning to help your girls and their friends lift heavy shit.”
“Shut up, asshole. It was a big day for them.” I know Jeremy is kidding—he is as dedicated to the bar as I am and never cares about working late two nights in a row. He and I have beenfriends for so long that he is almost as close to Hallie and Jules as I am—and Em and Molly by extension.
“I’m just giving you shit. I know what today means to all four of them. They practically set up camp at their table in the corner to plan it out over the last year. I’ll go check on their apps.” He starts walking back to the kitchen before turning and calling back, “Don’t forget that Emma likes sugar on her glass instead of salt.” The kitchen door swings shut behind him, and I wonder why he thinks I would forget the drink my sister’s best friend has been drinking in my bar for the last seven years. I shrug and glance towards the door again just in time to see the girls walk through.
Julie, Emma, and Molly are laughing as they make their way through the light weeknight crowd. Hallie trails behind them, staring at their backs, and I know something is off. I sensed it all day but seeing her now confirms it.
“Ladies,” I drawl as they make their way up to the empty space at the bar. They take the four stools at the end while I stand on the other side, assembling the ingredients for their drinks. “How was the rest of the day in law firm world? Jules, were you able to mark off your scary scary first day spreadsheet?”
Emma and Molly snicker. Jules gives me the murder eye look she perfected when we were kids and uses every time I mention her Type A tendencies and penchant for organization. I’m just as organized as she is, but my intensity is pretty low, while hers is always dialed up to eleven. If we do this partnership with Stonegate and my professional life explodes overnight, maybe I’ll be as intense as her. God, I hope not. I have no clue how she has lived this long without an ulcer or a nervous breakdown. I shove it back—not thinking about that now. Bar to run. Drinks to make. No thinking about the massive potential life change dropped on me less than two hours ago.
“Twin,” Jules drawls back. “The rest of the day was just fine, thanks, if you think that the Wi-Fi installer being late and the printer forgetting to call back about the firm letterhead is fine. My shoulders are killing me from lifting all the boxes but my brilliant and very fabulous friends crossed off their lists, which means I got to cross off at least most of my list, so I’m taking it as a win.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Hallie wince at Julie’s enthusiasm. She hasn’t uttered a word since she walked into the bar. I need to get her alone to find out what the hell is going on with her, and I need to strap my feelings down tight and be best friend Benji while I do it. She is comfortable with that guy. She opens up to that guy, to the extent Hallie opens up to anyone. That’s who she needs right now, so that is who I am going to be. I know just how to do it.
I lean casually against the bar. “Jules, it looks like that group of frat guys is stealing your table. Go take Em and Molly and claim it before they can. Hallie can help me carry the drinks over when they’re ready.”
“Oh no, they fucking aren’t.” Julie snaps out of her seat, making a beeline for the table with Emma and Molly following in her wake. I smirk, knowing that would do the trick. Julie is territorial over that corner table. All my regulars know not to get near it when Julie is in the house. But this part of Pittsburgh teems with college students from all the local universities and can be transitory during the summer. Julie isn’t above kicking someone out of her table if she is feeling extra feisty.
“You really had to put those innocent, puppy dog boys in the line of fire, Benji?” Hallie asks, saying her first words since walking through the door. “You know how she gets, and after a day like today, I don’t think she’s above throwing a punch if it means getting her table.”
“Nah, they’ll be fine.” I add some ice to the cocktail shaker with their margarita ingredients. “It’s been a long day and she’s tired, so she’ll be all bark. So, what’s going on with you, Hal? You’re quiet tonight.”
She looks up at me while I shake the cocktail, gaze bouncing between my eyes. I can practically see the gears turning in her head as she tries to figure out what to say.
“Nothing,” she finally settles on. “Just tired. Like you said, it’s been a long day.” Her gaze drifts downwards until she’s staring at the glossy wood of the bar under her hands.
I should have known she would go with that. Hallie keeps things close to the vest. She rarely opens up to anyone all the way, even the girls and me, and we are the people closest to her, maybe even closer than her parents and her sisters. I pour the margarita into the four glasses I prepped earlier, then fold my arms on top of the bar. I lean a little closer, extending one arm towards her and gently tipping her chin up with one finger so that she looks directly into my eyes. Hers look a little devastated and a lot tired. “Don’t lie to me, Hal. I know when you do, and I know that something is up with you. If you tell me, I can help you fix it.” I am desperate to help her. I hate seeing her so defeated.
I wait, eyes on hers. Her anxiety hums in the air. My whole body is angled towards her, drawn to her, my mind pleading with her to open up to me, to tell me what is going on. Whatever it is, I want to know. To do what I can to fix it. To take it from her and carry it myself if I can. Partly because I am just a fixer at heart, but mostly because it’s Hallie, and Hallie is dug so deeply into my soul that I couldn’t extricate her if I wanted to. She never leans on anyone, but I want her to lean on me. To need me like I need her. And I need her like air.
The noise of the bar buzzes around us, but I don’t move, my eyes steady on hers. I see the second it starts to happen. Her breath quickens, and her eyes gloss over. Her shoulders fallslightly, as if whatever is going on is weighing her down a little too much. I can practically feel her start to crumble. I stand still, barely breathing, ready to hold whatever pieces of herself she is about to give me.
Her voice comes out in a whisper. “Ben, I…”
“Sisters assemble!” Hallie jerks back from me. She blinks rapidly as her head turns towards the raised voice of her youngest sister, Hannah, who is weaving her way through the crowd. Her middle sister Jo follows closely behind.
“Fuck,” I mutter at the interruption. I love Jo and Hannah, but Jesus does their timing suck. When they get closer, the fake grin Hallie pastes on her face and her still-misty eyes are so obvious that I wait for her sisters to comment on it, but they don’t seem to notice. How could they not notice? She is all I can see. Hannah and Jo both throw their arms around Hallie and squeeze tight.
“Congratulations, lovey!” says Jo.
“We are so damn proud of you,” squeals Hannah.
Hallie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she lets it out and opens her eyes, they are clear again. My need to keep her talking is beating against my chest, so I nudge one of the four glasses on the bar until it tips over, spilling margarita everywhere.
“Crap. Jo and Hannah, can you take these drinks over to Jules, Molly, and Emma?” I ask, waving my hand at the remaining three drinks on the bar. “I’ll do another round for you two and Hallie. She can help me bring them over to you in a few.”
“No problem.” The girls grab the drinks and head over to the corner table.
“Hal,” I start.
“Don’t worry about it, Ben. Like I said, I’m exhausted. I need a drink, and I need to sleep. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
Her eyes are shuttered again, and I know that the moment is over. I’m not getting anything else out of her tonight. Whatever it is will have to wait.
I shake up the next batch of margaritas and fill the glasses. Hallie and I carry them over to the table, where she takes her seat with her friends and her sisters. I go back behind the bar and spend the rest of the night helping Jeremy and my bartenders serve customers and sneaking glances at my friend with her troubled eyes and fake smile, wishing there was something I could do to make it better.
Chapter Seven
