Page 38 of Because of You
“Just, not yet.” His voice takes on a commending edge, and I don’t know what he’s talking about, but I stop all the same.
“I’m going to put some clothes on,” he says, his voice back to normal. “Tell my mom I’ll be out in a second.”
I leave his room and close the door behind me, my heart hammering in my ears. I pause and take a deep breath to steady myself before going back to the kitchen. By the time I get there, Julie, Molly, and Emma are sitting around the big kitchen table, coffees in hand. I take a seat with them, and before long, everyone else joins. My mom gives me a hug over the back of my chair and takes a seat next to my sisters, who, per usual, immediately start carrying on about something that is going on at Jo’s office and some friend drama Hannah is having. My dad comes in with Steven, already talking about the boards they are replacing on the dock later. Allie and Jordan stumble in with their arms around each other, the beard burn on Allie’s neck making it crystal clear what they just got up to. Jeremy squeezes into the seat next to Emma, who turns bright red and pointedlyignores him, which seems to amuse Jeremy. And Molly and Julie are alternating between bickering over god only knows what and giggling over something on Julie’s phone.
I’m not in the mood to engage with any of it, the scene with Ben still running through my head like a song on repeat. And then the man himself strolls into the kitchen, kissing his mom on the cheek, pouring his own coffee, and plopping himself next to me. He kisses me on the cheek too.
“Morning, Hal, did you find your coffee?” He is all smiles and easy-going energy, as if we weren’t wrapped in a charged stare-off over his naked chest just minutes ago.
I have emotional whiplash. I don’t know how to deal withthisBen, who can switch so seamlessly from darkened stare to cheerful boy next door.
“Um, I did, thanks. How did you know what I would want?”
“I told you, Hallie girl. I see you.”
This time when he says it, I realize that I’m starting to believe he really, truly does.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Hallie
And that’s the way it goes all day. We do all the things that we always do on our first day at the lake. We lay by the pool with books and music, jump in the lake, float around on the swim dock, and go into town to our favorite diner for lunch. We make pizza for dinner, play a big game of trivial pursuit, and stay outside until the first fireflies start to blink.
And all day, Ben is just…there. He puts his hand on my back when he passes me and brushes back my hair when we’re in the lake. He sits just a little closer on the picnic bench at lunch than is strictly friendly and plops himself down to share my lounge chair by the pool. I have never been aware of another person’s presence the way I am of his. By the time we all go up to change for the bonfire, I’m a bundle of nerves and need.
It's fully dark and the guys are just lighting the fire when Molly, Emma, Julie, Allie, and I walk down the path to the lake. We lay out blankets and throw down pillows on the small stretch of sand and gather around the bonfire with bottles of wine, plastic wine glasses, and s’mores supplies. Jordan takes out a guitar because when we are at the lake, we go full-blown summer camp. He absently strums while the rest of us get comfortable. I shiver, silently cursing myself for forgetting to grab a sweatshirtfrom my room. Before I can get up from my cozy nest and trudge back to the house, a hoodie is dropped over my head. I glance down and see it’s one of Ben’s University of Pittsburgh sweatshirts. Tugging it down, I look up, and Ben is standing over me.
“You looked cold,” is all he says before taking the spot next to me and throwing an arm around my shoulder all friendly-like. His body is so big and cuddly, and the crackling of the fire and the lapping of the water are so soothing. For the first time since Ben and I danced together at the gala, I take a full, easy breath. I settle into Ben’s warmth and the heaviness of his arm and I let the lake night wrap itself around me.
Four bottles of wine, two bags of chips, countless s’mores, one game of never-have-I-ever, and at least half of Taylor Swift’s discography played on Jordan’s guitar later, everyone slowly starts to call it a night.
“I’m going to head up and go over some work stuff before bed,” says Julie, standing up and brushing graham cracker crumbs off her leggings.
Molly is next. “I can’t believe you lasted all day without doing any work. I’m so proud of you that I’ll even go over work stuff with you for an hour or so. I have to finalize the art order for the waiting room anyway.”
“Are they ice skating in hell?” asks Jordan. “I don’t know the last time I saw the two of you agree on anything.”
Molly sticks out her tongue at him.
“We love each other.” Then she slides her gaze to Julie with a sly smile. “Most of the time.”
Giggling, they head up to the house.
“I’m going up to bed too,” says Emma, standing up and grabbing the empty wine bottles.
Jeremy jumps up from his spot on my other side.
“I’ll walk with you.” He takes the rest of the empty bottles and the garbage bag we brought down for our trash, and they set off.
Jordan packs away his guitar and pulls Allie up. “Come on, my princess; I’m taking you to bed.”
“What did I tell you about calling me princess?”
“Um, I don’t remember. Maybe you should remind me. In our bedroom.” She snickers as he grabs his guitar with one hand and her with the other hand and pulls her up the path.
Then it’s just Ben and me. I wait for the tension that has been between us all day to come back, but it doesn’t. It’s just us and the lake and the fire and the crickets making up the familiar symphony of night at the lake. I take a deep breath and let it out, curling my hands up in Ben’s hoodie and wrapping my arms around my legs as I stare into the flames.
Neither of us talk, but it’s a comfortable sort of quiet. The kind of quiet that I only really have at the lake. The kind that’s filled with magic and possibility and makes me want to give him all my truths. I lean my cheek on my knee with my head facing towards Ben and see that his quiet gaze is already on me.
