Page 76 of Because of You
I’ve spent enough time in her room to know where everything is. While Hallie sits on her bed, I grab her underwear and a sleep t-shirt and hand them to her. But she shakes her head.
“Not that t-shirt.”
“Something wrong with it?”
“No, but I like to sleep in yours.” Her face heats at the admission. “You, um, left one here once. I like it. It’s in there. Shorts too, if you want those.”
I smile at her, trying not to show her the burst of pride I feel at her taking comfort in wearing my clothes, wrapping my scent around her while she sleeps. How it sends my heart thrumming. She’s had a rough day. She doesn’t need me spilling my feelings all over her right now. I dig through her drawer and find an old University of Pittsburgh t-shirt I have no recollection of leaving here. I hand it to her, and she slips it on while I grab the shorts and tug them up.
“Under the covers, Hallie girl. Let’s get you some rest.”
Together we climb in and curl ourselves together, my arm slipping around her waist to hold her tightly to my chest. She covers my arm with her own and then scoots back, tucking herself further into me.
“Thank you for being here,” she whispers.
“You don’t have to thank me, Hal. I never want to be anywhere except for here.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you today after it happened. I just needed to get home. And then, well, you saw where I ended up. I know I have to tell you everything that happened. I want to tell you. I’m just so tired.”
I press a kiss to the back of her head. My heart is cracked wide open and pouring out love for this girl who did her bravest thing today and wants to tell me about it. I will never take any part of this for granted. “Don’t worry about it, Hallie. I came looking, and I found you. I’ll always find you. Tomorrow is another day. Sleep now.”
She laces her fingers with mine and holds on tight. After a few minutes, her breathing evens out. I close my eyes, breathing her in, and before long, I follow her into sleep.
Chapter Forty-Six
Hallie
When I wake up, Ben is wrapped around me, his warm body pressed tightly against my back. My bedroom is dark—it’s just after five—but I am wide awake, my brain already cycling through the events of yesterday. My fight with Julie. The horrible things she said. Ben showing up at my house and taking care of me. Even thinking now about how gently he carried me upstairs, washed my hair, and bundled me into bed has tears pricking my eyes. I thought I was all cried out after yesterday. Damn Ben for making me drink all that water. All it did was replenish my tear supply.
Ben is fast asleep, but my body and brain are awash in anxiety, forcing me out of bed. Knowing that Ben has a weird sixth sense for when I’m awake, I untangle myself from him as gently as possible and slide out of bed. Moving as quietly as possible, I sneak to the hall bathroom then to the kitchen. My stomach is still rebelling at the idea of food. Anxiety has a way of killing my appetite, so breakfast is a hard pass, but there’s always room for coffee. As if on autopilot, I pour milk into my mug and pop it into the microwave to heat a little. When you’re feeling your worst, there is nothing worse than pouring hot coffee over cold milk and instantly ending up with a lukewarmdrink. The scent of freshly brewed coffee fills my nose, my brain coming online from the smell alone.
After fishing my phone out of my bag where it has been since I got home from work yesterday morning, I settle onto the couch with my coffee. Unlocking the screen, I wince when I see the missed calls and texts from Ben. He was obviously worried about me, and I feel terrible for not letting him know what happened before I collapsed onto the couch in a ball of misery.
Molly and Emma both sent a bunch of texts too, and I’ll have to get back to them at some point today. I love them for sticking up for me, but it makes me feel even worse. This affects their careers too, and I don’t want to put them in the middle. I scroll through the rest of my messages before I realize I’m looking for one from Julie that obviously never came. I send her one, hoping she’ll answer. I wish I could be mad right now, but I’m too worried I lost my best friend to be angry about what a shit she was.
Me
I’m sorry about yesterday. Can we talk?
I sit, staring at my phone and see the second she reads the message. I watch for the dots to start bouncing, but there’s nothing. After five minutes, I give up. She’s leaving me on read. Anxiety making me vaguely nauseous, I set my coffee on the table. Then I lean back against the couch cushions and close my eyes, wondering what the fuck I do now.
“You’re up early, Hal.” My eyes fly open, and Ben is there, leaning against the doorway into the living room. I think morning Ben is my favorite Ben. All sleepy eyes and stubble and disheveled blond hair. Morning Ben just does something to me. Seeing his face cuts right through my anxiety, settling down my tangle of emotions.
“Jesus, Ben. You scared the shit out of me. Why are you up so early? I wanted to let you sleep.”
“You weren’t there,” he says simply. He comes over and lays his lips on mine. It’s short and sweet, a good morning kiss between two people who know there is time for deeper, hotter kisses later. It’s a kiss that feels like comfort and ease and home.
Ben feels like home.
What a thought to have on the morning after such a fucked-up day. Pulling away, he goes to the kitchen and comes back a couple minutes later with his own mug of coffee. He settles down next to me and takes one of my hands.
“How do you feel this morning, Hallie girl?” His ocean blue eyes are calm, still a little heavy with sleep. I want to burrow into his warm, comforting gaze and stay there forever.
“Honestly, I’ve been better. Yesterday was so fucked, Ben. I have no clue what to do next.”
He squeezes my hand. “I’d like to help you with it, if you want.”
“I do want. I’d like to tell you about it.”
