Page 108 of Anything for You
When I come back downstairs, my living room is full of people. So many people. But after a cursory glance around, I realize none of the people are the one person I want to see.
Emma’s words,I fucking fight for what’s mine, played in my head on a loop during my shower. Her green eyes blazed when she told me she would find me no matter where I ran. I want her to tell me over and over again until I can make my head believe it.
I wish I could still be angry. I was, for a while. But by the time I got out of the shower, the anger had passed and what’s left is sadness. A deep, pulsating sadness that has settled in my bones and etched itself onto my soul. The grief for the life I could have had is so heavy I’m surprised I’m still upright. The father who didn’t want me. The brother I don’t even know. The certainty that I will carry this sadness for the rest of my days.
Not interested in talking to anyone who isn’t Emma—and not sure I even deserve to be talking to her—I pivot on the stairs and I’m about to sneak back up when I’m stopped in my tracks.
“Jeremy Ethan Wright, I know you’re not about to walk back up those stairs right now.”
I freeze with my back still turned, closing my eyes and drawing the deepest breath I can manage, letting it out slowly to stall for time.
“She full-named you, man. There’s no coming back from that. You better just get the fuck down here.” Ben’s voice is serious but laced with humor.
“He’s right, Jeremy,” Rachel says. “I know you’ve been through it today, honey, but we’re not leaving until you talk to us, so you might as well just come down here.”
Too exhausted and broken to argue, I turn and walk down the stairs. Rachel is waiting for me at the bottom, and my feet have barely hit the floor before she’s wrapping me in a tight hug. My body tenses and adrenaline floods me. My instincts scream at me to reject the comfort Rachel offers. If I don’t accept it now, I won’t miss it later.
But Rachel just holds on tighter.
“Where’s Emma?” I manage, wishing it were her arms around me.
“At home. She called us. She loves you so much, Jeremy. Enough to know what you need tonight is parents and brothers. We’re here for you. All of us.”
I draw in a ragged breath that sounds more like a sob, and my fists clench with the effort of holding myself together. Rachel doesn’t miss a thing.
“Sweet boy,” she murmurs to me. “I wish I had known how much you were hurting all these years.”
I choke back the emotion clawing its way up my throat. “Even if you had known, there was nothing you could have done.”
Rachel pulls away and puts a hand on each of my cheeks so she can look me right in the eyes. The way her eyes blaze with ferocity and emotion and the smallest bit of anger reminds me somuch of Emma. The two of them are formidable. The strongest protectors. And for some reason, they want to protect me. I have to blink to stop the tears threatening to form.
“Bullshit, Jeremy. I knew you kept a lot inside of you, but if I had known how badly you were hurting, I would have come to this house and hugged you every single day for the last twelve years. I would have told you every single day that I love you. I would have reminded you that you are as much mine as my own children are and you have been since the first time you walked through the door of my house all those years ago. I would have told you, over and over again, that you are a part of my family, and we wouldn’t be the same without you. I would have made sure you knew that there will never be a day when we don’t need you. We need you, Jeremy. All of us. We are your family and family never leaves. Ever.”
“Rachel,” I choke out, not able to say anything else for fear of breaking down right here at the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m going to try really hard not to be mad at you for thinking that I would ever leave you. Or that Steven would. Or that Ben and Jordan would. Asher’s newer around here, but someone worthy of marrying my daughter is someone who sticks.”
“Fuck right I am,” Asher says from his place on my couch, glowering at the mere suggestion that he would be anything other than loyal.
“Family isn’t just blood, Jeremy. Family is what’s inside here.” She lays a hand over my heart. “And in this family, we know all about what’s inside. You do too, honey. You just think you don’t.”
I hear what she’s saying, and I want to believe it. I want to grab the words and shove them in my head and then grab onto all of my people and never let them go. But abandonment runs deep, and that shit sticks.
“I can see your brain conjuring up all sorts of arguments, so before you give them to me so I can tell you why they’re wrong, why don’t you come sit down.”
Rachel takes my hand and leads me into the living room, pushing me toward the couch where Ben, Jordan, and Asher sit. Before I can take the empty seat, Ben stands and hugs me with both arms.
“You’re my best fucking friend, Jeremy. My brother. Today, tomorrow, and every day after that. I would never leave you, ever.”
When Ben is done, Jordan takes his place and when he speaks, his voice is uncharacteristically serious. “After Allie, you and Ben are my favorite people, and I love you. If I have to move into this house with you to prove to you that I’ll never leave you, I swear to God I’ll do it.”
After Jordan comes Asher, and he crashes into me like the puppy dog he is and holds on tight. “I might not have known you as long as they have, but I don’t love you any less.”
And then Steven Parker is there. While Rachel is loud in her love, Steven’s love is quiet but no less powerful. With both of his arms around me, he whispers words only I can hear.
“I’m sorry for how much your father hurt you, Jeremy. And I’m sorry for him that he never got to know his remarkable son. I know I’m not your real father, but I’ve always thought of you like a son. Don’t ever think you don’t belong to anyone, that you’re not worth anyone staying around. You belong to Rachel and me, and you’re worth everything.”
By the time he lets me go, I’m holding onto my control by a very loose, fraying thread that is threatening to snap at any moment. I’m sitting on the couch with my eyes firmly fixed on the floor, trying to collect myself, when a beer appears under my nose. I look up and Rachel is standing above me, arms full of bottles.
