Page 9 of Yours to Lose
“Auntie Jo Jo in the house!” I call as I walk into my oldest sister Hallie’s house, closing the door behind me.
“Back here,” Hallie yells from the direction of the sunroom.
Walking towards the back of the house, I take everything in, the way I do whenever I come here. The cozy furniture. The art on the walls. Pretty decorations. Everything neat and organized. Put together. Grown-up.
Glancing down, I smile ruefully at my torn jeans, orange T-shirt with multiple paint stains from the Super Science Saturday program I ran this morning at the museum where I work as the Program Director, and my favorite pink high-top Converse. It’s possible the paint on my shirt is also in my hair. As a matter of fact, I’m sure it is.
I am the opposite of grown-up and put together, but I figure the people I’m here to see won’t mind. Not that I would know how to be grown-up and put together even if they would mind. That’s just not my vibe. My vibe is more chaos demon in mismatched colors. It works for me.
“Hi, my babies,” I sing as I walk into the living room and plop myself down on the couch next to Hallie, who is holding her one month old twins, Caitlin and Jack. I lean over and kiss Hallie’s cheek before plucking Caitlin out of her arms to settle into mine.
“No hi for me?” Hallie jokes, shaking out her arm as if it’s asleep from holding a baby for too long.
“You’re old news, Hal. I desperately need a baby fix.” I bend down and kiss Caitlin’s head, breathing in the new baby smell I love so much. “I can’t believe how big they are. Did they grow again?”
“Since you were here yesterday? I doubt it, although by the way they’re eating, it’s not out of the question.”
I study Hallie, cataloguing her messy ponytail and the dark circles under her eyes. “Were they up all night again last night?”
“Yeah, you bet. It was an every hour situation.” Hallie smiles down at Jack in her arms and then Caitlin in mine, the look on her face full of love and awe, as if she didn’t just tell me she didn’t sleep at all last night.
I look down at Caitlin and grin. I love kids. Before Hallie had these two, I hadn’t spent much time around babies, but one month in and I can confidently say that babies are high on theJo’s Favorite Thingslist too. It’s a pretty long list.
“Why are you keeping your mom up all night, baby girl?” I ask Caitlin, who fixes her big blue eyes on me. “You know what I think? I think you have a lot going on in that gorgeous head of yours. Will you be our wild child?” I bop her on the nose, and no one in this lifetime or any other would be able to tell me she doesn’t smile at me.
I am rocking this aunt thing already.
“Takes one wild child to know one,” Hallie says with a grin that makes my chest expand with happiness. There was a time, years ago, when Hallie and I weren’t as close as we are now. That was mostly my fault. Our middle sister Hannah and I were certified pains in the ass for a long time before Hallie blew up one night at a family dinner and told us to get our shit together and start acting like sisters and less like self-centered, melodramatic asshats. The three of us have gotten a lot closer over the last two or three years, and I love my sisters with my whole chest.
“Can I really be considered a wild child if I’m twenty-seven years old?”
Hallie narrows her eyes at me. “Two months ago, you dragged Hannah and me out at eleven o’clock at night to watch you ride a mechanical bull.”
I laugh because, yeah, I did do that. “But it was fun, right?”
“I was thirty-four weeks pregnant with twins, Jo. I had to pee every four minutes, I was so enormous that even maternity leggings were uncomfortable, my feet were so swollen I had to wear flip-flops in February, and I couldn’t even have a fucking drink. Who, exactly, was it fun for?”
I shrug, not feeling the least bit remorseful because when Hallie doesn’t want to do something, she doesn’t do it. As a recovering people pleaser, she wasn’t always that way, but she sure is now. She might be saying otherwise currently, but she was right in the front row, cheering me on as I rode the damn bull. “It was really fun for me, even though I did end up with that bruise on my ass.”
“You deserved it,” Hallie grumbles, but her voice is amused.
Caitlin lets out a little squeak, and I grin down at her. “What do you have to say about that, Caitey? You just wait, baby girl. You and I are going to tear up the town. I have so much I need to teach you.” I glance over at Jack, who has yet to stir. “I don’t think your brother will be able to keep up with us, bestie. Probably not your mom either, and maybe not even Hannah. I think it’ll just be you and me babes.”
Hallie stretches as best she can with a baby still in one arm and leans back, propping her feet on the coffee table. “I think Jack will be a reader, like me. We can wait for you at home while you guys go out and spread your crazy.”
“Hey, I read.”
Hallie tilts her head to one side, studying me. “But do you, though?”
I laugh because, no, not really. “It’s not my fault there are so many amazing things happening out there.” I gesture towards the window. “I want to do them all.”
Hallie laughs too. “I know how you do. Never change, Jo.” Then she lays a hand over mine, her expression turning serious. “Thank you for being here. Seriously. Not just today, but every day since the twins were born. I don’t know how Ben and I would have made it through the last month without either you or Hannah coming over every day to hold babies and make dinner and sit with me while I nursed endlessly. I know you’re both busy with work and life, and I just appreciate you making the time. I really needed you both, and you showed up.”
I lean my head on Hallie’s shoulder. “You would have done fine. You have your friends too.” Hallie has three best friends who are as close to her as Hannah and I are—maybe even closer—and their husbands are Ben’s best friends. The eight of them are like this big, sprawling found family, and if I’m being honest, I’ve always been a little jealous of that, though I’d never say that to Hallie. I’m a lot, and friendships haven’t always come easily to me. My sisters are my best friends, and I’m content with that, though the idea of belonging to a big, loud friendship group has always been something I’ve low key dreamed about.
“I do, and I love them for it, but sometimes a girl just needs her actual sisters, you know?”
I sigh, happy to just exist right here in this moment, sitting with Hallie on the couch, each of us holding one of her babies. I’ve always felt strongly that life is a collection of moments meant to be lived out loud and made into memories. But sometimes it’s nice to exist in the quiet. Emphasis on thesometimesbecause quiet and still are not my usual volume and speed.
