Page 21 of Just My Type
You should get used to it.
I’m showing you how you deserve to be treated, remember?
Me
I can make my own coffee.
I have no idea why I say it. Maybe because I’m curious how he’ll respond, and his answer does not disappoint.
Noah
I know you can, but why should you have to? Have a good morning, Han. I’ll pick you up at eleven.
Me
You sure you don’t want to sleep after your night shift?
Noah
I’m going to sleep now. Then I get to see you later. Best of all worlds.
I drop my phone onto the couch, surprised by the emotion that fills my chest at Noah’s words. At the way my eyes burn, thinking of all the times over the last four years I didn’t let myself wish that Brett would take care of me, even just a little. I can take care of myself fine, but sometimes I wanted him to bring me coffee. Or tell me to go sit on the couch while he handled dinner. Or the dishes. Or the damn laundry. I did fucking everything, and I still felt like I didn’t do enough.
Sometimes, all I wanted was to let go and let someone elsetake care of me for a while without practically having to make arrangements for my own caretaking, but that was never my life. Instead, I got my mental load and Brett’s, with a side of terrifying anger issues and the kind of learned helplessness that made me want to beat my head against a wall on a daily basis. And cry.
I hate myself a little for putting up with that behavior for so long. That I accepted so much less than I should have. When my phone dings again and I see it’s my group chat with Jo and Amelia, I breathe a sigh of relief, because fuck introspection.
Jo
Hi, my favorite besties. I had a meeting cancel, so I have a few unexpectedly free hours. Anyone want to get lunch around noon?
Amelia
Fuck yes. I’m in coding hell, and if I don’t take a lunch break, I’ll forget to eat again.
Jo
Respectfully, I have no idea how you always forget to eat lunch. I never forget to eat lunch. Sometimes I remember so well that I eat two lunches.
Amelia
It’s a coding thing. I get sucked in and time stops having any meaning.
Me
You tech geniuses are really weird.
Amelia
Tell me something I don’t know.
Jo
Hans, you in?
Shit. I’m not in because I have plans with Noah, but I haven’t figured out what to tell Jo and Amelia about our little arrangement, mostly because I don’t totally understand it orwhat exactly we’re doing or why I agreed to it so fast. And if I can’t explain it to myself, I definitely can’t explain it to them. But keeping it from them also makes it seem like more than it is, so here goes nothing, I guess.
Me
