Page 53 of Just My Type
I glance around the circle of chairs at the four of them, faces lit by the fire and the dying light of day. At these women who have somehow, miraculously, become my women. I’ve always had Jo and Hallie, but something about being here—being a part of this group—makes me want to share pieces of myself I usually don’t.
Not all the pieces, but some.
My gaze drifts to Noah, huddled with his brothers and his dad by the garage, and I find him already looking at me. Whenhe grins and winks, my stomach does a little flip. And here in this pretty backyard on a beautiful summer night, I can admit to myself what I haven’t been able to before. That this thing between us issomething. It’s more than two people who got drunk and did something stupid. More than a friend helping a friend. I think it’s big and important, and it scares the shit out of me because so much of me is a mess. But he doesn’t seem to care about that. With Noah next to me, and these women around me, I think that maybe I can be a little bit brave.
“We’ve been…spending some time together. A lot of time together.”
“Fuck yes,” Jo says, grinning widely. “I’ve been waiting for this. How did it happen? Tell me everything.”
I hesitate and then remember,be brave.
“I’m having trouble writing.”
The grin falls off Jo’s face, replaced by a look of concern as she reaches over and covers my hand with hers. “What do you mean you’re having trouble writing?”
I glance around the circle and see the concern mirrored on everyone’s face. Concern for me. Because they care about me.
Brave.
“I came to Boston because I had writer’s block for the first time since I started writing. I thought coming here would fix it, but it didn’t. Then I thought when I finally broke up with Brett, I would be able to write again. But I couldn’t.”
I feel Jo’s stare on the side of my face, and I know she’s just barely restraining herself from asking me more about my breakup with Brett. It’s made her crazy that I haven’t told her the whole story, but I just can’t tell her. Or anyone.
“That must be so scary,” Amelia says quietly, and I nod, relieved she gets it.
I nod, swallowing hard. “It is. I love writing more than anything in the world. Not being able to do it has felt like a piece of me is missing.” I pause, wondering what to say next, and decide that a tiny bit of revisionist history is in order. “When wewere in Vegas, Noah and I hung out a little bit the first night when all the couples went to sleep.”
Jo snorts out a laugh. “We definitely didn’t go to sleep.”
“Us either,” Amelia says, then slides her eyes to Pam like she forgot her probably one day mother-in-law is sitting in this circle.
Pam just grins. “Honey, you really think I’m going to get embarrassed and clutch my pearls over hearing that my sons have sex?”
“Well said, Pammy,” Cece says, patting her hand. “It sounds like no one got much sleep that first night in Vegas.” She looks right at me when she says that, and I have no idea how it’s possible, but I know she knows that Noah and I got married accidentally that night. Cece works in mysterious ways; I just hope she keeps it to herself because that’s one thing I absolutely do not want broadcast all over this circle.
“Does this have something to do with the karaoke?”
“Hannah did karaoke?” Pam asks, and I groan.
Jo gives me a wicked grin. “Did she ever. She and Noah killed at showtunes karaoke. A couple frat guys caught it on video and played it for all of us at lunch the day after. I think they sent it to Noah if you want to see it.”
“Oh, I want,” Pam says.
“No need to rush that,” I mutter. “Anyway,” I say, wanting to move on from my embarrassing turn as drunk Sandy. “After that, I wrote a chapter for the first time in forever. I don’t know what it is, but it turns out that when I hang out with Noah, I can write. When I don’t, I can’t. He kind of offered to help me out.”
“What kind of help is he offering, exactly?” Amelia gives me a sly look, and I can’t help but laugh.
“We’re just hanging out. Doing fun things since he’s off for the summer. And…he may have kissed me a few days ago.”
And a whole bunch of times since then. And told me to make a list of my biggest fantasies so he could help me act them out. A list I made but haven’t been brave enough to send him yet.
“There it is,” Pam says, broad smile on her face. “I’ve been waiting for this.”
“You have?”
She nods. “Of course I have. I think I told you not that long ago that Noah would walk over hot coals for you, and I wasn’t exaggerating. My sunshine boy feels fast and feels big, and something about you called to him right from the start. He’s been looking at you for a long time. Years, I think, even when you were with someone else. Am I right that you’re looking back now?”
I sigh, leaning back in my chair, my gaze drifting over to Noah. As if he senses me looking at him again, he turns his head, my eyes meeting his. His expression, fun mixed with heat, has butterflies swarming my stomach. “I am. I don’t understand it, and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I am. I like him. A lot. He makes me feel like myself again. Like I matter. It’s…been a long time since I felt like that,” I admit. It’s as close as I’m comfortable getting to telling them what it was really like with Brett, and even divulging just that little bit has me squirming in my seat.
