Page 99 of Just My Type
“She’s right,” Hallie says firmly. “You said no. You told him to stop. He didn’t listen. That’s sexual assault. You’re the only one who gets to decide what you want to do with that, but don’t minimize what he did, Hans. And if you feel like you need to talk to someone, we can help you get whatever help you need.”
My heart squeezes, filled with love for my sisters. “Thank you. I’m okay, seriously.” It is, I suddenly realize, the absolute truth. “I wasn’t at first. Not for a long time. But I am now.”
“Does that have anything to do with a certain golden retriever-esque Wyles brother who is completely obsessed with you?” Jo asks with a grin.
I shrug. “Not exactly. Or, not entirely I guess I should say. It feels weird to say, but I think maybe Boston made me okay. When I think back, I can’t even remember getting from Pittsburgh to Boston that first time. All I remember is getting in my car, and then I was pulling up at the Wyles’ house. I walked in and you were sprawled in the living room with Amelia, Cece, and Pam and you guys welcomed me in like…” I break off, trying to think of the right words. “Almost like you were waiting for me or something. I remember that part so clearly because it felt like coming home.”
“I understand,” Jo says, voice laced with emotion. “It’s beenhome for me since the very first time I laid eyes on the Wyles’ house. Obviously, it’s home because for me, home is wherever Jordan is. But it’s so much more than that. It’s my place. My most favorite place on earth. And now that you’re there, it’s even better.”
I think about everything that has happened since I set foot in Boston. My writing. My book deal. Feeling like myself again, for the first time in years. Friends. Family. More fun than I’ve had in my life. And my sunshine boy, there at every turn. “I’m staying,” I say firmly. “No matter what happens between Noah and me, I’m staying in Boston.”
Jo grins at me. “I know. I’ve known forever. But for what it’s worth, if you think that guy is going to let you get away from him, you’re high.”
I laugh, feeling lighter than I’ve felt in forever. “There’s nothing on earth that would make me walk away from him. He’s mine, too.” He’s more mine than they even know—the ring hidden away in my pocket proving it. The one I’ve taken to carrying around with me wherever I go. The one that represents a marriage that feels less fake with every passing day. Less like something I want to be finished with and more like something I want to hold onto for as long as he’ll have me.
“God,” Hallie says. “I love this so much I’m not even going to be mad that both of you are staying in Boston permanently. Tell me everything.”
“Especially the sexy stuff.” Jo props her elbows on her knees and drops her chin in her hands. I laugh again, thinking of the conversation we had with Amelia so many months ago. One that started pretty must just like this one. Only now, I get to share the good stuff. And for once, I really, really want to share.
“He had me make a list of all my fantasies, and he’s been crossing them off one-by-one. And a few days ago, he made me read one of my spicy scenes to him and he acted the whole thing out.”
Both of my sisters’ mouths fall open, and Jo’s eyes go wide. “Queen behavior, Hannah. That is queen behavior.”
I give her a smug smile. “I know.” But then my smile falls when I remember the other thing I still haven’t told them. “It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows though. The first time we were together he…” I break off, swallowing hard. “He held my hands above my head and I…kind of had a panic attack.”
“Because that’s what Brett did that night.” Hallie’s face somehow holds both understanding and a fiery rage.
I nod, not sure I trust my voice.
“How did Noah handle that?” Jo asks.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It caught me off guard because I thought I was over it, but I guess the accidental re-creation of what happened with Brett triggered me or something, and my brain spiraled. Noah stopped right away and made sure I felt safe. Then he sat with me while I told him the whole story. And when I told him I still wanted to sleep with him, he gave me all of the control. And every time since, he’s been careful to leave my hands free, but without making it a big deal. He doesn’t treat me like I’m made of glass, or like I’m broken, but he somehow just knows what I need, without ever having to ask.”
My voice breaks on the last word, tears springing to my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. I don’t do one single thing to stop them because they feel good. Right. Cleansing, somehow. The kind of tears that wash away the darkness and make room inside of you for something new. Something beautiful.
“You’re in love with him,” Hallie says, squeezing my hand again.
I nod. “I am. I have been for a long time, I think.”
Jo takes my free hand and then reaches for Hallie’s. “I’m happy for you, Hans. I’m so damn happy for you.”
I look between my sisters, loving everything about this night. “Thanks Jo Jo, but enough about me. This is your night. What do you want to do?”
Jo smiles and shrugs. “This. I just want to do this. You guys, and Jordan staying here later. Nails in a color sure to make mom ragey. That’s everything I need.”
I let go of Jo’s hand and wrap an arm around her shoulders, full of affection and love for my little sister. “Tomorrow is going to be perfect.”
A laugh bubbles out of Jo. “I know right? I can’t wait to get married. I wish tomorrow was now.”
“Impatient, Jo Jo?”
Jo laughs again at the sound of Jordan’s voice and jumps up off the bed, bouncing across the room and throwing herself at him where he stands in the doorway next to a grinning Ben. “You’re early!”
Jordan presses a kiss to her head and closes his eyes for a second, the love in his expression so intense my heart aches. “Couldn’t stay away,” he says quietly. “Am I interrupting girls’ night?”
Hallie shakes her head, smiling at Jordan. “You’re right on time, Jord. It’s almost midnight, and the twins never sleep past six-thirty.”
Ben strides forward and with a grin, scoops Hallie off the bed and cradles her in his arms. “Come on, Hallie Girl, let’s get you to bed. Night guys. Oh, and Hans, I’d take a look out the window if I were you.”
