Page 148 of Hockey Halloween
She sits up straight and fixes me with her dark eyes. “So, do you still hate me?”
Maya
“Honestly, I don’t think I ever really hated you,” he says.
Relief floods through me. This whole evening has been a emotional rollercoaster for me, I’ve gone from the lows of Karl’s initial rejection to the highs of sorting our past misunderstandings. But still, he’s been a jerk tonight, so no way I’m letting him off easy.
“Really? ’Cause you were doing a pretty good impression earlier tonight.”
He smooths back his fair hair, which makes me long to run a hand through it. I have a sensory memory of softness.
“I’m so sorry, Maya. For everything that I said tonight. I was caught off guard, and seeing you… hurt.” He motions unconsciously towards his heart. “But that’s not an excuse.”
I wait because Karl seems to more bottled up inside him.
“When you liked me back in high school, it felt really good. Lots of girls liked me for being a hockey star, but it felt like you knew me—the real me. I could relax with you and express myself for the first time. Like you said, drama was fun.”
He inhales audibly. “But that’s why it hurt so much when I thought you rejected me. Because if my true self wasn’t good enough…”
His voice trails off, and all my anger dissolves. This was what I liked best about Karl, the vulnerable person behind his hockey star persona. Even the drama crowd saw him as a handsome hunk rather than a fully dimensional person.
I slide down a step and put a hand on his shoulder. His muscular shoulder feels tensed, but the sheer solidity is… very attractive. Something warm sparks inside me.
“I always liked talking to you. Hearing the things you didn’t share with everyone.”
He nods and leans slightly into my touch. “What I feel worst about is how I tried to shame you about Percy. Even if you had sex with him, that was your right. We weren’t going out or anything.” Then he shakes his head. “It’s the worst part of playing hockey—I go low right off. We’re so used to trash-talking on the ice that we forget what normal people are like.”
“It’s not just hockey players. Women can be the worst at slut-shaming,” I reply.
“I’m so sorry, Maya. You didn’t deserve that insult tonight, or in any universe. And I won’t do it again.”
I laugh softly. “I can’t imagine it ever happening—especially now that we’re friends again.
Karl’s mouth is still set in a hard line, an expression that I long to soften. “No, I mean I won’t sexually shame anyone from now on. I’m not perfect, but I learn from my mistakes.”
I nod. “Good for you. ButIknow I’m not promiscuous, so your words didn’t really bother me. Besides, women can be in charge of their own sexuality, right?”
His eyebrow lifts at the word “sexuality.” There’s a vibe now. Is there something happening between us…again?
He clamps his large hand on top of mine. There’s no mistaking the heat coursing through my body. Now that I’ve forgiven Karl, my attraction to him is back in full force.
“You know our honesty pledge? Let’s try to keep it. I should never have believed all that bullshit back at the cast party, I should have just asked you straight up what was going on. That would have saved both of us a lot of grief.” He leans so close that I can see thecool blue of his eyes, the colour of a winter sky. “Can you forgive me for all of that?”
I search myself and find no residual anger. Karl has redeemed himself. “Of course. Now that I understand what was going through your mind, I get it. Both of us were jealous, and we acted out of character.”
He nods. “Yeah, it’s stupid, but the more you care about something, the irrational you get.”
“Thankfully, high school feels like a million years away.” I’m happy to be beyond the hormonal churn, but I do miss the simplicity of life back then. Now every decision feels huge and consequential. Or maybe that’s only me, wondering what my future will be beyond satin, lace, and delusions.
He releases my hand and lets out a sigh. “Now I’m regretting all the things that didn’t happened.”
Does he mean between us? A flutter of hope twinges inside me. Could we actually have a second chance?
“You mean that night?” I study his chiseled profile. He looks like a younger, unhappier Alexander Skarsgård. I swallow.
“Yeah. And I regret all the shields I’ve put up since then.”
The pirate swagger is completely gone now. Karl is revealing his vulnerable truths.
