Page 3 of The Aries Alliance
I scanned the body of the email again. I’d procrastinated enough. This report was my judge and jury. The findings would either validate my humanity or erase me, revealing whether my organization’s actions lined up with their words. I needed today to be my day of reckoning.
“The file is three hundred and twenty-five pages long.” I placed my hand over my chest and held my breath, assuming that was a good sign.
My mind raced, hoping the fifteen-megabyte file supported my claim. When the file opened, I scrolled through the pages quickly. Although names were redacted, I recognized some of the incidents. I wasn’t the only employee aware of the wrongs that happened at my institution. Unfortunately, I was the only person who used the reporting system to call people in the system out. I searched for a page of conclusions or a summary of the final decision. I cleared my throat and pointed to the text I wanted to read out loud.
“Here it is. Dr. Scarlett Kane has done an excellent job supporting the scholars under her supervision. Interviewers confirm that several research labs were toxic and promoted a culture of fear and silence for the early-career scientists she has mentored. This is not conducive to their growth at Ember Falls University. Wow.” My heart leaped as I read those words.
“That’s good, right?” The hope in Val’s voice matched my rising optimism.
“I think so. They acknowledged that the lab culture was toxic. I never thought I’d see it in writing.” I bit the tip of the nail on my index finger and paused, silently reading and rereading the next words before pointing at the screen.
“Hold up. It also says, ‘Although leaders did not promote the ideal environment and did not respond in a timely manner to Dr. Kane’s complaints about the culture . . . no university rules were violated.’ For the claims of racial and gender harassment and discrimination, they are sayinginsufficient evidence.”
Hot tears stung the back of my eyes. Before they could fall onto my cheeks, I held my fingers in the inner corners of my eyelids. I’d gone through too much already. EFU didn’t deserve my tears too.
Val reached for my arm and squeezed it.
“What does that mean?” Her lowered voice was ominous.
I remained silent for several seconds, not wanting to say the truth out loud. After taking a big breath, I spoke in a steady voice.
“It means that although I sought help for my supervisees, none of it matters. No one will be held accountable for EFU’s toxicity. Everything will go on, business as usual. That’s the verdict.”
A tear that had been hanging on for dear life finally fell from my eye, opening a floodgate of tears I couldn’t stop. Val reached into her purse and pulled out a small pack of tissues. I grabbed a couple of them and dabbed my eyes until I could see my computer screen again.
“I reached out to so many people—the Black male diversity directors and my Black women colleagues who have been at the university for years. The so-called white male allies. The white women feminists. Human resources consultants who were supposedly hired to support humans. None of that mattered.” I clutched the tissues, balling them up and waving them from side to side as a feeling of deep hurt cut through me.
“That sucks, girl. I’m so sorry.”
I wiped the linty tissue across my eyes a final time and cleared my throat.
“It was the scholars’ words against the lab directors. And the scholars lost.”
“You should have sued them years ago when they started their mess. Then you would have been done with it.” Val clicked her tongue and rolled her neck like the ride-or-die friend she was.
“Who doesn’t listen to victims? These scholars don’t have the time, money, or energy to go through years of legal battles. They want, no, make that need, justice so they can move on with their lives.”
“How many times have you told me EFU cares more about protecting its brand than the people behind the brand? Did you really think they were going to do right?”
The bitterness in Val’s voice fueled me. She was right. Although my gut told me not to trust the university’s ‘independent’ investigation, I believed that rules were real.
“It’s a moral issue. They had hundreds of pages of evidence handed to them on a silver platter. I didn’t expect them to put somebody in jail, but an acknowledgment of wrongdoing would be nice.”
“You care too much about the well-being of others.”
I wanted to push back but couldn’t deny how badly I hungered for liberation.
“I’m called to speak up for others.” I straightened my back and spoke the words with pride.
Val pointed at me.
“That’s what I’m talking about. You’re doing too much. You don’t own EFU, and they don’t deserve your energy. Everyone’s not making it to the promised land.”
What Val said wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before.
“I can use the gifts God has given me to show them what freedom looks like.”
“Who else has gotten demoted for calling the system out? I’ll wait.” Val crossed her arms and stared at me.
