Page 29 of Dismantle & Prevail
He watches because I wronged him. He watches because some days I can barely get out of bed, let alone work. I see the worry in his eyes on those days, and I want to ask him why he cares so much. But part of me likes the feeling of someone actually giving a shit about me.
My entire life I have been called a waste of space or used as a tool to get someone else what they want. I’ve been a pawn, a punching bag, a body to be used and thrown away. I’ve never, for a single second, felt as if I’ve mattered.
Not until I got here.
The road to where I’m at has been far from easy. Dr. Link has seen me at my best and my worst and I know for a fact that if it wasn’t for his patience and letting me come to him, I would not be where I am today. Even on the bad days.
A shadow falls over me and my eyes open to find Ari moving to sit on the swing next to me.
He doesn’t make a move to speak, instead he just sits on the swing and looks out over the compound.
We sit there in silence for a moment and I can’t help but to steal a glance at him.
I stare at the man who saved my life in more ways than one and feel a sudden burst of emotion bubbling in my chest.
I blame the fact that therapy days bring out my more vulnerable side. A side I rarely share or let anyone see.
I used to live in a world where others used my emotions to punish me, so I have conditioned myself to shy away from them. And now, according to Dr. Link, I have to relearn that showing emotion in any capacity is okay. I just have to know how to properly express it.
As if he can feel me staring, Ari’s dark eyes turn to meet mine. For a moment, we sit there looking into each other's eyes.
His dark eyes tell the stories of thousands of souls, and I find myself wanting to ask him why he is doing all of this.
As if he can read my thoughts, he asks, “Something on your mind, Hellhound?”
That damn nickname. I have no idea why he chose it, but he rarely calls me anything else anymore. And I have to admit, I kind of like it. I also think that’s why I found a nickname of my own for him, Ace, except I know the meaning behind it.
Ace, the highest ranked card in a deck, or as I like to think, the highest, most perfect member of a team filled with excellent individuals.
Not looking away, I say, “Can I ask you something?”
He nods. “Of course. Never have to ask, I’m an open book as much as I can be. Trust isn’t built on keeping secrets. If you want someone to trust you, you need to be vulnerable. You need to lay a piece of yourself out in the open to be potentially eaten up if you want to build a bond that is strong and can withstand anything.”
Well shit. Now I feel a little intimidated. He probably thinks I’m going to ask some super philosophical question, when in reality it's quite simple.
Because I never back down, I straighten my spine and ask, “What made you want to start Braveheart? I know it’s a team within Resilience, but I’ve heard each leader creates and picks their own team. So why Braveheart?”
Aries looks up at the sky for a moment and for a second I think I pushed too far, but then he takes a deep breath and returns his gaze to mine.
“It started because I contacted Landon Hayes when my family member went missing. Boone and I were already friends from college and with Boone’s background in the military, we had exhausted all our options. So we contacted Landon. We searched for months and finally we got a hit.” He pauses for a moment and the look on his face makes me regret asking.
I’m about to tell him he doesn’t have to, but he continues, “Unfortunately, by the time we got there, we were too late. It tore me in half and I was angry for months. Landon had mentioned that Boone and I had a certain skill set that would be great for this line of work. However, Boone and I did not want to commit to moving to the states, so Landon suggested we start our own chapter of Resilience here.” He pauses again and waves his hands in the air, motioning towards the compound. “And thus Braveheart was born.”
Wow. I knew everyone had their reasonings for being here, but I never knew it started because Ari had lost someone. I can’t even imagine the pressure and guilt he must feel on every mission knowing he is saving someone, but couldn’t save his own family member.
“I know that look, Hellhound. Don’t feel bad for me. I know in my heart that I did everything I could to save her and so did the rest of Resilience. It was a tough pill to swallow, but it has made me the man I am today. I miss her like crazy, but she is the fuel to my fire to minimize the number of families that have to go through what I went through.”
Damn. This man really is a goddamn hero and saint.
One you stole from.
I ignore my inner thoughts and say, “Well, that’s the best kind of motivation. One that comes from a place of personal hurt that you can turn into something somewhat positive.”
Ari nods and gives me an unfamiliar look. I try to decipher it, but he speaks up. “You know you are a hero too, Taylor.”
My eyes go wide at the use of my name attached to words that should never go in the same sentence.
Ari chuckles and shakes his head. “Don’t look at me like that. You are. You sacrificed your body and your life daily to save those girls. I know in full confidence if we wouldn’t have shown up, you would have gotten them to safety on your own.”
