Page 34 of Dismantle & Prevail
His mouth opens to speak but closes several times as if he is searching for the way to say what he desperately needs to get out.
Moving my hand to rest on his t-shirt covered chest, I say, “Hey. Only say what you’re comfortable with. I know this is all new and for some reason you chose me to be your safe-haven during the night, but know that I’m not going anywhere, no matter how dark it gets. I know what it's like to live in a world where nothing makes sense and the devil is constantly knocking at your door. But I want you to try to let me hold the door closed for a moment while you start to work through the dark walls surrounding your brave soul.”
Ari shakes his head and I suspect he is about to get up and run out of my room because who am I to be the one that breaks through his hard exterior? But he doesn’t.
Instead, his hand moves to rest atop mine and finally his gaze casts downward to mine. “I trust you with every fiber of my being, Taylor. You allowing me to use your presence to get even an ounce of sleep has been the only thing that has stopped me from disappearing inside myself. But you’re right, I’ve been aching to tell you, but every time I try, the hurt is all too consuming.”
I don’t allow myself to hang onto every word because if I did, I would get lost in a maze that I am not ready to enter.
Adjusting my body so that I am resting on my stomach, one hand still on Ari’s chest, the other propped under my chin, my elbow sinking into the mattress.
Ari’s head tilts back to look at the ceiling once more, his thumb absentmindedly stroking up and down my hand.
“I have a daughter.”
My eyes go wide and I’m thankful that he isn’t looking at me to see the complete shock on my face.
“Remember when you were sitting on the swings right after you came here and I told you the story of why we started Braveheart?”
Instantly, I know what he is talking about. That day opened my eyes, finally allowing this place to feel like home. I don’t think he realized that just by opening up; it allowed me to build a bridge of trust with the man I once betrayed and finally start living the life I could only dream of.
“Yeah.”
“That rescue that introduced Boone and I to Resilience was for my daughter. Her name was Rayne, and she was the beautiful outcome of a one-night stand.”
Shock overtakes me and my chin slips from my hand, but I quickly regain my composure and wait silently for him to continue.
“Her mother was heavily involved in drugs. After fighting the courts for months, I finally won full custody. The court allowed her to have supervised visits, but Boone and I never allowed Rayne to go without one of us present. It went great for months until we had a robbery at the repair shop. We had put all of our money into that place and were finally making more than enough to recoup our investment. But on the day of the robbery, Rayne had a visit scheduled. And she really wanted to see her mom, but neither of us could go, so we settled on Rayne’s maternal grandmother being the supervisor. I dropped Raynie off and that was—”
Ari’s voice cracks and I will the tears that I am fighting back to not make their presence known. I want to wrap him in my arms, but I also want him to get this off his chest. So I wait, even though it pains me to just sit here.
Ari clears his throat and shakes his head. “Sorry. Uh–That was the last time I saw her. After clearing everything with the police, I went back to grab her, and she was gone. Everyone was. We searched for days and the police were next to useless, so Boone called in favors, which led us to Landon. I was very hands on and determined to find my little girl, but after a few months, I started to lose hope. And that's when we got a hit.”
Judging by the sour look on his face and what he said that day on the swings, I know this is going to feel like a knife to the chest.
I watch as Ari’s eyes squeeze shut and his thumb absentmindedly continues its path up and down the side of my hand.
“We rushed to a farm that had to be worth at least a million dollars. By the time we got there, there was not a soul in sight and I thought they had moved on or got a tip that we were coming until we came across a—” Ari’s voice cracks and I watch a tear roll down the side of his face.
“Dammit. Sorry. We came across a room that was once a nursery. The room looked like a tornado went through it, but sitting in the center was a stuffed bunny rabbit ripped to shreds with RM on the feet. For Raynie’s birthday, I got her a bunny with her initials sewn on the feet so she could take it to preschool. RMC. Rayne Mackenzie.
“I refuse to say what the rest of the room looked like, but know it was evident that my little girl was no longer on this earth. We searched the grounds for hours and never found her, but I knew in my gut she was gone.”
The tears that I begged to stay in place flow freely, mimicking Aries.
Not waiting for permission, I move to lie on top of him, resting my head on his chest.
Aries’ arms wrap tightly around me and his chest shutters as a cry escapes him.
My heart aches for this man, and I wish I could take every ounce of pain away. But no words in any language could take away his pain, so I will stay in this exact spot for as long as he needs me.
Aries' words replay in my mind as I listen as his cries slow.
If he is telling me about Rayne, his nightmares must have a connection to her; otherwise, there is no way he would tell me about something so painful if they weren’t.
Aries' voice clears above me and I move to look up to him, but he tightens his arms, holding me in place.
“When I was trapped in the cage of hell, a man who always wore a mask visited me daily. He would beat the hell out of me and tell me how I failed Rayne. Every. Fucking. Day. I would pass out with his words on my mind, haunting me as I tried to sleep off the pain.”
