He smiles and leans in to kiss my forehead. “Come sit down, and I’ll make you one too.”
He takes my hand and leads me over to the seat beside Hazel. He throws her a wink and plates up a giant pancake with wonky-looking Mickey Mouse ears, but he puts two blueberries in it for the eyes and triangle strawberries in a half-circle for the mouth.
The entire masterpiece gets placed in front of her along with a sippy cup of milk and orange juice and real maple syrupthat I immediately grab before she can, and I’m in love. I’m so freaking undeniably in love with Vander Moore.
It’s not the first time I’ve had these thoughts, but that was then, and this is now, and I love him. LikeI want him to do this exact same thing with our kids one daykind of love, and it terrifies me. I’m not the girl who gets that. I’m the girl who lives by the skin of her teeth and is always watching over her shoulder.
“Mommy, do you want to cut that up for her while I make you one?”
I throw him a look for calling me Mommy, but I get to work on Hazel’s pancake so she can eat it.
“You like turkey bacon, right? Do you still not eat pork?”
I glance up mid-slice and wordlessly nod.
“Good. That’s what I got you. It’s in the oven and should be ready. There’s also coffee in the pot.”
When I was a kid, our neighbor had a pig that I fell in love with. Then I readCharlotte’s Web,and that was it for me. No pork products for this girl. But coffee I do.
Once Hazel’s good to go, armed with her Peppa Pig fork and more syrup on her pancake than I’d usually allow, I climb out of my chair and move in behind Vander, who’s back at the stove. I wrap my arms around him and rest the side of my face between his shoulder blades.
“You’re taller than you used to be.”
I can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “A little maybe. Or you shrunk.”
“She’s going to fall in love with you.”
“Only her?” he asks softly as he flips the pancake, this time with a spatula.
I don’t answer him. I can’t. I have things to tell him that I can never tell him. And those things will forever keep us apart. I’m going to get hurt. I know this. I expect it. But I don’t want to hurt him too. And I’d rather die than hurt Hazel.
I kiss the spot my cheek was just resting on and pour myselfa cup of coffee, needing a minute. He puts a giant plate of food in front of me, but before he can get away, I tug him down onto the seat beside me.
“Share this with me. There’s too much for just me.”
I cut up a piece and feed it to him first. He smirks at me as he takes a bite. “Making sure I didn’t poison you?”
I smile back. “I am now.”
He chews, and I lean in to kiss the sticky spot of syrup on the corner of his lips.
“Thank you.”
He shrugs like it’s no big thing. “Hazel and I had fun, right?”
She nods enthusiastically, but her mouth is too full to answer. We continue to eat, taking turns with the fork the same way we did with the cookie dough spoon.
He leans in and whispers, “How are you feeling? Sore?”
I blush a little but shake my head. “No. Not sore.”
I feel happy and safe, and those aren’t two things I ever thought I’d get. Not at the same time. We finish eating, and I insist on cleaning everything up. Vander goes up to shower, and Hazel and I dance and sing around the kitchen while I load up the dishwasher. And it’s impossible not to wonder, not to hope, that this could be real.
31
The hospital is vibing today, and not in a good way. I’m glad I’m done for the day and wave goodbye to my preceptor as I head out the ambulance bay doors. My head is spinning in too many directions after seeing the tail end of a horrible trauma. This is why I don’t like the ER. It’s so tough. Which is likely why I don’t notice the man standing in my path until I nearly run directly into him. Dark eyes, long dark hair pulled back into a low ponytail, dark suit, and hardened thug look.
I stop short and instinctively take two steps back. There’s no question he’s here for me. I know he is. It’s not even the way he’s staring at me.