Page 16 of The Weight Of It All
She rolled her eyes. “Is it German?”
“How the hell would I know?”
“Does he have an accent?”
“No.”
“Is he gay?”
“I don’t know.”
“How can you not know?”
“Because I didn’t ask him.” I deliberately didn’t mention the eggplant and lube conversation I’d had with him.
“Maybe you should.”
“I’m not interested,” I said. “Actually, I’m the complete opposite of interested. If there was an island of the fundamentally not interested, I’d be on it.”
She ignored me. “Is he cute?”
I sighed. “Yes. He’s built like a fridge, has a Colgate smile, and looks like one of those guys off a sports clothing ad.”
“So, he’s gorgeous?”
“I don’t know. I’m still on the island of fundamentally not interested, where I will be forever.”
She was suddenly serious. “No you won’t. Maybe right now, but not forever.” Anika’s gaze softened. “Did you text Graham?”
“No. I still don’t understand why you think I can’t call him.”
“Because you need to not hear his voice right now,” Anika said. “And you definitely need to not see him.”
“Why?”
Sean answered. “Because she doesn’t want you to be hurt all over again. And she’s right. You need space right now.”
“I need him,” I whispered.
“No you don’t,” they said in unison.
Anika smiled then added, “It’s been ten days, and whether you know it or not, you’ve already started to move on.”
“No I haven’t.”
“Yes you have. You’ve joined a gym, changed some eating habits. You’re changing your life.”
“For him,” I added lamely. “I’m doing it for Graham.”
Anika shook her head slowly. “You’re doing it for you. Because you don’t want to be the person you saw in the mirror ten days ago.”
I had no answer for that.
Sean said, “And for what it’s worth, fuck him.”
Anika and I both stared at him.
“Sorry,” he said with a not-sorry shrug. “But what Anika told you the day he left is right. If he doesn’t love you at your worst, then he doesn’t deserve to love you at your best.”
