Page 24 of Pieces into Place
It was clear Vera would not be holding any punches. But Isla couldn’t blame her, either. She deserved to be fussed at after the way she acted at the party about Blake.
“This isn’t you, Isla. The snapping at me? AtMason? I know you’re hurting, but lashing out isn’t okay. That’s not how we handle things.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” Vera crossed her arms over her chest as she stood a few feet away from Isla. “Because your attitude tonight indicated otherwise.”
“So, I’m not allowed to yell at you, but you’re allowed to yell at me?”
Anger flashed across Vera’s face.
“Look, I know you’re hurting, Isla. I’ve made itveryclear that I understand that. But I don’t deserve to be talked to this way. Not when I’ve spent the last two hours picking up the piecesyoubroke so our kids don’t go to bed crying.”
“What does that mean?”
“Isla,” Vera sighed, “come on. Don’t act like your actions don’t have consequences. The kids are afraid to say anything to you because they think it’ll set you off.”
“Set me off?” Isla repeated, trying to process what Vera meant. “What does that mean?Set me off. Excuse me for having feelings and not stuffing them inside any longer. I’m so tired of acting like the whole Blake situation isn’t consuming my entire brain. It’s all I can think about because I don’t understand how a child Ibirtheddoesn’t want to be in my life.”
“Well, you’re going to find out with the other four if you’re not careful.”
Isla snapped her head toward Vera. “Excuse me?”
“Everyone feels like they’re walking on eggshells around you! Including our kids.” Vera waited a beat before continuing as her words hit Isla like bricks. “And me.”
Vera’s shoulders dropped, but the anger on her face remained unchanged.
“You think you’re doing such a good job of hiding your pain, but it’s affecting everyone around you. Weallfeel it. And it’s hard not to take it personally. Even for me. I know you, and I know you’re not trying to hurt me on purpose. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that your actionsarehurting me. And the kids. And, frankly, Isla, I can’t blame Blake for not wanting to come to your party after the way you’ve treated her. You’re always expecting Blake to be like Mason or Brayden or Ellie or Evie, but she’s not. She wasn’t raised in this house.”
“But she’s mydaughter,” Isla sobbed. “Shouldn’t that be enough?”
“You know it’s not, Isla. Neither of us are close to our parents. They weren’t there for us in the way we needed growing up. It’s the same for Blake, no matter how hard that is for you to accept. It wasn’t your choice not to be in her life, but it wasn’t Blake’s either. She didn’t know what she was missing until she moved here, and that had to be hard on her. Imagine if your parents treated Eden like we treat our kids and treated you like you do Blake. How would that make you feel?”
“Awful,” she quietly answered. “It would make me feel awful.”
“That’s how Blake feels.”
Isla covered her face with her hands, unable to control her tears any longer. Her heart broke yet again for all the years she missed with Blake and for how her own selfish desire to be her mom again had clouded her ability to see that she was pushing Blake too hard. How had she not seen that before? Did she have rose-colored glasses on thatprevented her from seeing what Blake needed instead of what Isla wanted?
“I’m an awful mother.”
“No, you are not.” Hurrying over to her, Vera got down on her knees in front of Isla as she put her hands on either side of her hips. “You’re an amazing mom. Our kids aresolucky to have you.”
“Mason left without saying goodbye.”
Lowering her hands from her face, Isla looked at Vera. She had tears in her eyes she hadn’t let fall, and the pain on her face was clearly viable. Just like Isla knew was reflected back on her own.
“I can’t say I blame her. What you said to her was uncalled for.”
“I know.” Isla’s stomach recoiled at the thought of yelling at Mason. She hadn’t deserved that, and Isla wasn’t sure she could ever forgive herself. “I hate this person I’ve become. I’m so mad all the time and I don’t know how to let the anger go.”
“I wish I had a clear-cut answer for you, but I don’t. You have towantto let it go. It was so easy for you to hold on to it when Blake wasn’t in our lives, but now that she is, you’re still holding onto it. And that’s not fair to Blake or yourself. Blake didn’t ask to be taken away from you. She didn’t have a choice in that, just like you didn’t. And at some point, youhaveto realize that and let it go. I know that’s so easy for me to say on this side of things, but I’m also right here in the trenches with you.”
Moving to sit beside her, Vera gently turned Isla’s cheek to look at her. Her eyes were soft and full of love and it melted Isla’s heart.
“I’m not going anywhere, Isla. No matter how hard you push me away, I’m not moving. You’re my wife and I love you. Through the good times and the bad. And this, my dear,isa bad time. Maybe one of the worst times in ourlives. But we’re going to get through this. Ipromiseyou that. Just let me back in and help you, okay?”
All Isla could do was nod as she leaned into Vera for support. Vera wrapped her arms around her as she held her tightly.
