Page 22 of Pieces into Place
“When what, Blake?”
Looking down at her belly, Blake put her hand on it and sighed. “When I’m really struggling to connect with the baby.”
“Oh, honey.” Alexis covered Blake’s hand with her own, gently squeezing it as Blake continued to avoid her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? You shouldn’t have been dealing with that all on your own.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I watched you with the twins. From the moment you knew you were pregnant, you were connected with them. But me?” Blake shrugged. “I just feel so disconnected from what’s happening inside my own body.”
“I wish you had told me.”
“I wish I had, too. I just didn’t know how.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t notice you were struggling.”
“I guess I’m too good of an actress, huh?” Blake sadly smiled, making Alexis laugh.
“Maybetoogood. I knew something was bothering you, but I just assumed it was the stuff with your mom and Vera.”
“Well,” she sheepishly looked up at Alexis, “it’s that stuff, too.”
“I know.” Alexis took Blake’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “But I’m your wife. I’m here to support you and love you no matter what is going on inside that pretty little head of yours. We’re going to get through this. Iknowwe will. But you have to let me back in, baby. Please. I’m begging you. Let me help you.”
“You mean you’re not mad at me?”
“For having very real feelings? Absolutely not. For not telling me until now? Just a little.” She winked at her, letting her know she was mostly joking. “But, honey, youhaveto start letting go of the anger and hurt you have inside you toward Isla. It’s eating you alive and I can see that so much clearer now. It’s like you’ve let down a wall that I didn’t know you had up.”
“I’m so sorry, Lex.”
“I know, Blake. I’m sorry for not realizing how much you’re hurting. You hide it too well, and that scares me. Like I don’t want to keep wondering if you’re okay. I want toknowyou’re okay and that starts with you being open to me, okay?”
“I know. You’re right. I’m going to be better. I promise.”
For a moment, Alexis looked into her eyes as if she was trying to think of what to do next. Blake didn’t dare say a word. She just kept rubbing her belly as she held onto Alexis’s hand.
“Is there anything else bugging you that I should know about before we start working on things?”
“Mason,” she simply stated.
“What about Mason?”
Blake took in a deep breath and held it. “She yelled at me when I tried to apologize to her tonight. She told me that I shouldn’t apologize until I was ready to mean it.”
As she recounted the story to Alexis, she noticed how Alexis gently put her hand on her stomach and moved her thumb back and forth in one of the most comforting ways Blake had ever experienced. When she was done, Alexis nodded her head.
“Okay, so, adding Mason to the list of people you need to make peace with.”
“It’s a long one.”
“But one we can accomplish together. Andmaybewith a therapist.”
“I know, I know.”
“I say it out of love.”
“I don’t know why you still love me after today.”
“Because,” Alexis picked up Blake’s hand and tapped her wedding ring, “you’re my wife. I love you and will be by your side through everything. You just have to realize that I’m not going anywhere. Ever. And neither is Isla nor Vera.”
“They might after today.”
