Page 2 of Pieces into Place
“Honey,” Vera sighed as she reached out, putting her hand on Isla’s arm, “I know the whole Blake thing has been eating you alive recently.”
Isla laughed bitterly. “Recently? Try thirty-oneyears.”
“I know, babe. I’m not trying to discredit anything we have gone through. Everythingyou,” Vera squeezed Isla’s arm, “have gone through. But, honey, I know that you harboring all that anger toward Blake isn’t healthy for you and it’s not helping her want to get closer to you. And it’s not…”
Vera’s voice faded off as she covered her mouth with her hand. Isla felt her heart rate quicken as Vera’s face softened and tears welled in her eyes. Scooting her chair closer to Vera’s, Isla took hold of her hands as she looked into her wife’s eyes.
“And it’s not… what, honey?” Gone was Isla’s anger she’d been reveling in all morning and in its place was a fierce concern for whatever had Vera so upset. Vera squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a moment before slowly looking at Isla again.
“It’s not doing any good for our kids that desperately want their mommy back.”
One by one, Vera’s words hit her heart as Isla felt hot tears pool in her eyes.
“Evie asked me four times this morning if you were mad at her.”
“Why—why would she think I was mad at her?”
“Because she asked you to go to breakfast with us and you said no.”
A pang of guilt stabbed Isla’s stomach. “I… I wasn’t in a good headspace to go.”
“I know that, honey, but that’s been happening a lot lately. I’m really worried about you.”
The pain in Vera’s voice and on her face was too much for Isla to handle. Lowering her head, Isla buried her face in her hands. She felt Vera put her arms around her as she pulled her closer.
“I can’t imagine how hard everything has been for you, Isla. I’ve shared so much of your grief and pain over Blake, but it’s different now. I understand that. She’s back, but she’s not. And now she’s pregnant and, God, Isla, I can’t even look at her without seeing you pregnant with Evie. I see so much of you in her and see the pain you both are carrying and I just want to fix it, but I can’t. No matter how badly I want to scream at both of you to realize how much the other is hurting.”
“I know she’s hurting,” Isla sniffled as she looked up at Vera. “She’s my baby.Ourbaby. I want to help her and love her and hold her, but I can’t get over that damn wall she has up. I was really hoping when she got pregnant, she might get it more, but I don’t know.”
“There’s still time.” Using the sleeve of her gray Taylor Memorial Hospital sweatshirt, Vera dried Isla’s tears. “She’s only four months.”
“I wish you were her doctor.”
Although Isla completely respected Blake in her decision to use another OBGYN during her pregnancy, she also knew how much Vera would have loved to have that experience with her. Especially since she’d helped deliver their other four grandkids. Vera’s lower lip quivered ever so slightly as she nodded her head. “Me, too.”
“Are we ever going to figure this out?”
“We will,” Vera firmly nodded. “I still believe that. Blake needs time.”
“I don’t know how much more time we can give her. It’s been five years, Vera.”
“I know.” Pressing her forehead into Isla’s, the two stayed locked in each other’s embrace for a moment. “But we have to keep loving her and showing up for her even when we want to yell at her to let us in.”
Isla chuckled. “Maybe that’s what she needs.”
“No, it’s not.”
“How do you know?”
“Because she’s her mother’s daughter, and yelling at you to do something you don’t want to do is like yelling at a rock to dance.”
“Rude.”
“But true.” Vera winked at her, a smile forming on her lips. Standing, she pulled Isla to her feet before enveloping her in the kind of hug that made Isla feel so protected and loved. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too. I’m sorry I was in a mood.”
“I understand why you were and I love you despite your attitude this morning.”
