Page 49 of Pieces into Place
Ben was as uninterested in Isla’s pregnancy as anyone could be. He didn’t want to touch her, let alone be involved with her pregnancy. Isla felt so alone as she went to every appointment by herself. Her older sister, Nora, went to one with her when Isla found out it was a girl, but that was it.
One of Isla’s favorite parts of pregnancy was watching her baby bump grow. She loved sitting on her bed each night as she rubbed lotion onto her belly. Isla would giggle each time she felt the small flutter. At least until those flutters became full-fledged kicks that took her breath away. Blake loved to kick her ribs, just like Everleigh would do years later. But still, watching her body grow to accommodate the baby had been a lot for Isla to get used to.
She’d been lucky with her first pregnancy and hadn’t experienced any complications. Nora had been the one who talked Isla into a home birth. She was in medical school and had a friend who was a midwife. Her sister had gone on and on about how natural it was for women to do a home birth and how it would be more comfortable than being in a hospital. And being so young, Isla believed her big sister. Which, looking back, was so naïve because Nora had never had a kid. What did she know?
The hardest part for Isla during her entire pregnancy had been having no one to talk to about what was happening to her body. All her friends were either in college or working full-time and kids were nowhere on their radars. When Isla’s body ached after a long day of bussing tables, Ben had no interest in rubbing her feet or massaging her shoulders. As Isla began to experience Braxton-Hicks contractions, she had to rely on the dispatcher who picked up after she’d called 9-1-1 to know it was normal.
When her contractions woke her up in the middle of the night, Isla panicked. Her first call was to Nora, who called the midwife for her. With Ben away at a work conference, Isla labored in the apartment by herself until Nora arrived over an hour later with the midwife and their younger sister, Eden. The midwife checked Isla’s progress—which hurt worse than anything she’d ever experienced until that point. She was barely two centimeters along and Isla didn’t know how she could make it to ten with how much pain she was already in.
But Blake was coming, whether or not Isla was ready.
“I can’t do this,” Isla cried out as she hugged her pillow tightly. Her body felt like it was being ripped apart with each contraction. She desperately needed more comforting than Nora or the midwife could give her. “I can’t do this,” she repeated, feeling defeated.
“Well, then you may not be strong enough to handle an unmedicated birth,” the midwife said with an annoyed tone in her voice.
Isla would have punched her if she hadn’t been so focused on the contraction ripping through her body. Thankfully, Nora had snipped at her midwife friend for Isla. She couldn’t hear what they were saying over her own moans of pain. If anything, the midwife’s words had made Isla determined to prove her wrong.
After Isla had been pushing for over an hour, Nora and the midwife filled up the bathtub with warm water as Islatook off her clothes, leaving only her bra on. Her legs were shaking from a mix of the pain and her adrenaline as she got onto her knees in the tub. She was thankful it was a bigger tub, so she didn’t feel constrained. The midwife put a folded towel on the edge of the tub for Isla to lean on as she pushed again.
Isla had no clue if she was pushing correctly or not in the new position. There was little guidance from the midwife beyond to push like she was going to the bathroom. With each push, Isla could feel something happening. She just hoped it was the right something. As Isla shifted her position, the midwife reached down between her legs.
“Am I doing it wrong?”
“No, I can feel her head. You’re close.”
Nearly pushing the midwife’s hand out of the way, Isla reached down, expecting to feel the baby. She was surprised to find the baby was stillinsideher, but Isla could feel her head as she cried out, “I feel her!”
With each push, Isla could feel more of the baby’s head. She kept getting discouraged each time she felt the baby not come out, but the midwife told her it was normal. The baby had to get over her pelvic bone, so the midwife suggested Isla change her position. Isla used the side of the tub to support herself as she propped herself up on one knee. Spreading her legs slightly, she used the contraction to push.
“Fuck!” Isla yelled out as she pushed again. Her hand and legs were shaking as she felt the baby’s head coming out. A momentary feeling of relief washed over Isla before an intense burning took its place. “Oh, my god!”
“It’s okay.” The midwife had a sense of urgency in her voice now. “Once this contraction is done, lean back against the tub so I can see.”
“I can’t,” she cried.
“I need you to so I can check the baby.”
“I can’t. I’m going to sit on her.” Isla felt a panic attack rising inside her as the contraction met up. She almost had the baby’s head fully out. How could she move or sit down without hurting the baby?
She barely had time to recover from the contraction before another one came. Isla pushed again, her entire center feeling like it was on fire. So much so that she barely noticed the midwife basically pushing her back to be able to check the baby.
“Stop, please,” Isla begged as she kept her hand on the baby’s head. “Stop! I can do this! She’s my baby.”
Pushing again, Isla groaned in pain as her shaking hands supported the baby’s head as it came out. Despite feeling like her body was being torn in two, Isla forced herself to breathe through the pain as she pushed again.
“Oh, my god, Isla.” Nora looked like she was on the verge of throwing up. “She’s right there. I can see her entire head.”
“I wanna see!” Their younger sister Eden had been in and out of the room while Isla labored. Isla was past the point of caring who saw what anymore. Her only focus was getting to meet her daughter.
Which she did in two more pushes. She pulled Blake onto her chest as she cried the happiest tears. Blake cried as well as Isla snuggled her close and kissed the top of her head.
“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s right here. I’m not going anywhere, Blake.”
As Isla finished her story, both she and Blake were crying. Isla pulled Blake into her arms, holding her to her chest just like she had thirty-six years ago.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through all that alone. I can’t imagine what that was like.”
“And I’m thankful you’ll never have to know.”
