Page 22 of Wildly Yours
She's the quiet after a storm and I need to protect that. Protecther.
I drag myself up the stairs from the parking lot to my cabin, grabbing a handful of wood for a fire. The air is cooling quickly now that the sun has set. After making a fire I warm up some leftovers and turn on my laptop. Another long night of research will surely reset my nerves.
It takes an hour before I discover that the bank that issued the savings bond we found in the files was bought by another bank, which was bought by another bank, which was bought by the bank that is still in operation here in Owl Creek. I decide to go talk to them in the morning when they open.
I start to research the family who donated the original parcel of land. The matriarch remarried almost immediately, and moved out of the area. I try to do some genealogy research tofind any local family members, but I strike out. As I'm sorting through some old newspaper clippings on a library website, I find something really interesting—her second husband was a wealthy philanthropist. And this same man set up an organization that to this day funds forestland purchase and rehabilitation. I jot down the number of the organization and vow to call them after I visit the bank.
***
I wake with my face planted on my desk. Silence surrounds me as I stand up and stretch my back. The fire has died down, so I stoke the coals and add a log before tightening the air intake to keep it burning until morning. It's the middle of the night. I wash my face and pull off my clothes before falling into bed, staring at the ceiling. Being here has always been my sanctuary. I've always been able to rely on the sounds of the insects and the inky black sky to keep my body from rioting.
But not tonight.
As I try to use my breath to lull my body back to sleep, my mind keeps dragging me back to this afternoon. I know Buzz will be with my mother when she confronts Blake. I know she will be safe. I know she's too well liked in town for him to be able to damage her reputation in response. But Serena… My mind sorts through all of the ways I can imagine Blake tries to go after her, just to hurt her when he is out of the race. And I wonder if my imagination is getting the better of me. I wonder if it has always gotten the better of me.
What is real? What is a creation of my imagination?
Seeing Serena in my hoodie today brought back memories. Before I went to California, we were something. Something Iknow was real and good and true. It was a young adult's life but it felt like the closest I've experienced to bliss.
Serena climbing the tree with me to jump in the lake.
Serena on the trail with me as we search for rare wildflowers.
Serena reading books while I study for exams.
Serena with longing in her eyes before I leave for California.
Serena sobbing softly on the phone when I tell her goodbye.
She's never been the kind of person I can't trust, but I haven't trusted her with my darkness. As I lay here tonight I wonder if the thing I don't trust is how much it will hurt when she recoils from me. Surely she won't want anything to do with me if I tell her what happened. She shouldn't. I'm dangerous.
Sleep comes over me like a creeping tide. I dream before I am pulled fully under. I see my father screaming at me. Taunting me. Begging me. My arm thrashes out, waking me up as adrenaline shoots through my veins.
Five a.m.
I might as well get out of bed.
Chapter Thirteen: Serena
Ispend all morning wondering when I'm going to see Cody again. He has every piece of information I could find on the park so there's no reason for us to talk until he figures things out.
Even then, does he need me anymore?
Hadley is off today, so I'm on my own for a few hours until my other part time help comes in. It's raining out, chasing any potential customers back home or into the Daily Dose for a meal, leaving this place quiet as a church on a Friday night.
I use the time alone to jump on the dating apps. There is only one way to keep my mind off of Cody, and it's the potential for finding Mr. Dreamy.
The first interesting match is a pharmacist from Port Stratton. He has kind eyes and likes to read. I cross my fingers he swipes on me, too. The only other attractive guy is from Downsville, a dying town a few hours toward the coast. It's where my friends Zoe and Renée are from. I decide not to swipe on him until I find out if they know him.
I put my phone on the counter and feel the press of the quiet in my chest. It's a dull pressure that I try to dilute with busywork, but no matter how much I sweep and dust I can't escape it. It hurts in a way that's not unlike when a loved one moves away. Your chest aches, and you cast your eyes about, looking for something that isn't there.
I hear the ring of the bell over the door and turn to see Blake.
"You didn't think you could beat me fair and square so you had to get your old boyfriend involved, huh?"
His anger sucks up the air, making the walls close in on me. The artery in my neck throbs with the beat of my heart, and I start counting each beat.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
