Page 25 of Wildly Yours
"Want me to carry anything?"
"Naw. Just keep enough distance that if I trip, you're not going to be impaled on this shovel."
"That's super comforting Cody."
"I'm trying to keep it real, Serena."
"Is that what you do? Keep it real?"
I turn back to look at her, sensing something brewing underneath her smiles and sunshine.
"I thought you said this wasn't the moment to unpack everything."
"It's not. But…why am I here?"
"You tell me. Why did you come?"
"No. You aren't doing that. You aren't turning this around. We haven't talked in seven years, then you waltz into my store three days ago and now we're spending time together like we're still in high school and you're my…"
Her face is glistening with the lightest sheen of sweat. I'm sure she thinks it's gross, but I find it sexy as hell.
"I'm your what?"
"Damnit, Cody!"
"You're a part of this little mystery. I thought you'd want to find this piece of the puzzle with me. Just like when we were kids and we'd go looking for plants and birds."
"But we aren't kids."
I walk back down the trail until I'm toe to toe with her. "Sometimes I like to imagine that we still are. Because my life was still mine then. I still had hope then."
"What—what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I know this is weird. I know by all accounts we shouldn't be up here together, looking for an old man's gravestone for no reason other than to honor the wishes of his dead wife. But we are. You and me. Again. And yes, Serena, we have to talk. But not now. Right now I want to walk this trail with you like old times. Because you comfort me. Your presence is a balm for my soul. For my heart. My wild, terrified heart."
She fingers the hem of her coat. "Terrified?"
I nod and continue to stand toe to toe with her, not wanting to move, but knowing we have to. Knowing that no matter what, we can't go back to the way things were.
"I don't want to push it, but I don't want to let that go. Why are you terrified?"
There's something familiar in her eyes. Longing. Sadness. The same thing I saw the night I walked away from her to go find my father. The night I left behind my innocence. The night I took hers.
"What if I promise you that when the time is right, I'll tell you that, and everything else. I'm not ready. Not in this moment. Not here."
She nods and I turn back up the trail. We walk for a few minutes in silence before I hear one of my favorite birds calling.
"Is that the Northern Flicker?"
My chest tingles a little. "You remembered."
"I remember everything, Cody."
I don't dare turn back to look at her. I don't have the strength to keep the distance I need to keep from her if I look at her right now. Because I remember everything too, and it all involves Serena.
We crest a rocky outcrop and I pull out the hand drawn map. The grave should be just up ahead, and I tell her as much. But this area is covered in dense brush and ground cover, and I worry we have a lot of digging work to do. We take several steps through the brush and find a small area in the center of the overgrowth that is more clear than the rest. Likely there is little soil here. I use the shovel to clear out a few spots when Serena calls out from my right.
She's on her hands and knees, and has scraped the moss away from a piece of stone. I help her pull away some plants that are covering it, and we see that it's a headstone that has fallen over.
