Page 35 of Wildly Yours
"I want this to have never happened."
"Knowing why I left?"
"No. That part I'm happy is finally out in the open. Now maybe I can finally move on to something else with my therapist. I wish the whole thing had never happened. I wish you knew that fighting with your father wasn't because of you. He is the violent one. Was. Is. I don't know, is he even still alive?"
"I have no idea. I haven't talked to him since the night I sent him to the hospital."
Serena peeks up at me through her lashes. "You are a good man, Cody. You care about the park and animals, the town, and the people you love. Don't forget that."
"How can I believe that when I failed you?"
"Because you and I are going to have to make a choice to move on."
"Move on."
"Yeah."
"Does that mean—"
"I don't know what it means. I just know that I am choosing to forgive you. What you do with that information is up to you."
In three strides I'm across the room, my hand tangled in her mess of a bun, my lips pressed against hers.
Chapter Nineteen: Serena
My body is jello. If it weren't for Cody's arm wrapped around my waist holding me up, I would have already fallen to the floor. Because he has turned me to jello. Every tendon, every organ, every bone has lost its integrity.
His lips are as wild as I remember, his tongue as sinful. And I don't know which one of us is crying but it's like our touch has unleashed the longing and agony of being apart all these years and our bodies are responding with the release of an ocean of regret.
He stops kissing me and leans his forehead against mine. It's whiplash for my lady parts.
"I don't want to push this. I've been wanting to kiss you again for so long. But I don't want to push this."
As much as I want him to pick me up and carry me to my room wedding night style and ravage me until I forget the last seven years, I know he's right. I may have forgiven him, but I don't believe that one conversation has fixed this. Fixed us. I need time. I need to know this is real. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to give him my heart again without being sure.
"I think that's wise. Why don't you order that pizza and I'll get settled in."
While my heart, mind, and lady parts try to sync up, I reluctantly hobble to the couch. I think I must have just leveled up as a zen master with the amount of control I just managed, walking away from his touch. From his skin. From his strong, wild, mountain man scent. While he grabs a blanket, pillows to prop up my leg, the remote for the T.V., a box of tissues because he knows I'm a movie crier, and a glass of red wine, I send an apology to my lady parts.
Cody orders my favorite pizza, and without asking, he remembers my toppings. When I'm all settled in, he sits in the recliner next to me.
"I can stay if you want me to."
"If this were one of my romcoms, then we'd already be naked and planning our wedding. But this is real life, and I need to think about my real feelings and what I want. And in real life, I need to do that alone."
"Whatdoyou want?"
"I want a committed relationship with someone who I can count on."
"Ah. And that's the part you are unsure of."
"Yeah. Like I said, I forgive you but…"
Cody takes a long pull from his beer.
"Of course. I need to think about things too. And I need to work on that grant proposal now that there's matching funds." He stands up and pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts typing while he walks his bottle to the kitchen.
I want him to stay. But I need to be alone. I don't know how else to figure myself out.
