Page 44 of Wildly Yours
"And what I found was a sad, violent man. The man our mother put everything on the line to save us from when we were little. I wish I could say that he was repentant. I wish I could say he was a changed man. But he was neither of those things and we…we fought. Physically. And I became convinced that the violence that emerged from me was something I couldn't control, so I needed to hide myself away. And that is—"
My throat is tight, so I swallow down some water.
"And that is why I've been so distant. To protect Serena, and to protect you all. Because I didn't think I was capable of being anything other than just like him."
I look at Serena, and I'm filled with awe as she smiles and nods at me, supporting me as I try to be the man I want to be.
"So now you all know. And I'm putting my stake in the ground in front of you, to say that I'm doing everything I can to be different from here on out."
***
"Not sure I was expecting that proposal. I guess we all just treated them like they were married for so long, we forgot that they weren't. Thanks for coming tonight. I'm glad you were there for it."
Serena smiles at me with sleepy eyes.
"Did we tire you out?"
"Not in the way you think. Talking to the girls took a lot out of me. But I feel relieved they didn't…I don't know. I guess I expected them to tell me I was wrong, or to toughen up."
"Because I hurt you?"
"Yeah."
"I don't know how to change that."
"You can't change the past."
"No. I can't. I feel pretty raw after what I told them tonight."
"Any regrets?"
"None yet."
"But you might?"
"I mean, I just spilled my guts out in front of everyone."
"In front of your family. They love you. They've got your back."
We pull into her driveway and I put the truck in park. I don't want this night to end. Seeing my mom so happy, my brothers settled, and Serena by my side, it's like a fantasy I didn't know I harbored coming true and now I want to keep it going. If I can somehow stretch the minutes out maybe it won't end.
"Do you want to come in?"
"You're not too tired?"
She bites her lip with an almost imperceptible shake of her head and it feels like I'm wading into the warm water of a bath. There's something soothing in her look, her smile, her presence. We head inside her house and she tosses her purse on the couch while we kick off our shoes.
"Can I get you anything? Water, beer?"
"There's only one thing I want to make this day perfect."
"What's that?"
I step over to where she stands and push my fingers into her hair before dipping my head down to kiss her. She tastes sweet as dessert, and she relaxes against my hand as I wrap my arm around her back to press her into me. Her lips are soft, but turn needy as I deepen the kiss.
Serena is everything. I want her around me and against me. I want her every breath to be one that I share.
I back her up against the wall and she starts to pull at my shirt. Her breathing is getting heavier as I pull my shirt up over my head.
