Page 97 of Loss and Damages
Dominic
Every person down to the woman pushing her cart full of fancy coffee hushes as I step onto the executive floor.
After I left Leo’s office, I spent one last night at his apartment. I’m not going to sleep there anymore. Leo’s gone, because of the things I’ve done, and now it’s up to me to make amends. That means facing my father, who’s in my office, staring out the window like he usually does, counting all the buildings we own, counting all thepeoplewe own, as if he could count that high.
The paper ran the article, above the fold, the grainy photo of me shaking the mayor’s hand as he grins in relief, and it mocks me from my desk where my father knew I would see it.
“You disappoint me,” he says, speaking to the glass.
It’s a threat, and a promise. I know my father expects certain things when he says certain things. He wants me to fall to my knees and beg for a forgiveness that he won’t give me until I give him what he wants.
“I’ve disappointed myself more. They caught the assholes who set my SUV on fire yesterday.”
I could let myself be bitter my father didn’t ask how I was after the explosion, but he hasn’t asked how my arm is healing, hasn’t asked how I’m coping with Leo’s death. My father is a callous man, dispersing his love like party favors at special occasions, and I wonder if it’s because my mother never loved him the way she never loved me. If my mother had felt anything for my father, would he be like this now? Cold? Calculating?
How empty we are when we’re expected to live without love.
My father doesn’t respond, not that I expected him to.
“I went to the precinct and watched a detective question one of them. He confessed to him and his buddy running Leo off the road. They thought it was me.”
My father turns from the window, the sun highlighting half his face. The glow doesn’t soften his features, only accentuates the lines and the pallor. A lifetime of using people to earn his billions and still he’s not happy. He’s not happy with the business he inherited from his own father, nor the luxurious, elegant office building that only hints at our wealth, nor the woman he calls his mistress. The great Raphael Milano is an empty shell of a man and I never saw it until Jemma left me. She knew the kind of man I would turn into if I stayed on this path. She’s never met my father, but she didn’t need to.
“I’m to blame for Leo’s death, and it’s for the best you let Mama go. If you hadn’t, after she finds this out, she would have taken the risk and left anyway.”
“Your mother is a whore. Good riddance.”
“Her not loving you doesn’t make her a whore. I’m sorry she broke your heart, but love isn’t a guarantee. She loved another man, you punished her for it, and in return she punished me. I turned to you and you used me to get what you want. The pathetic part is, I let you. I’m done doing things your way. Cut me out of the company, give it all to Jimmy or one of the other cousins. I have enough money and don’t need more.”
“I could sue you for every dime you made working for me.” His voice is mild, no heat in it, no intent. He’d never take me to court, but I’d never rub his face in it.
“You can try. Maybe you’d win, but no matter what you think of me, I’m a damned good businessman and I would earn it back. Leo’s gone because of me, because of the way I did business for you. That’s going to be on me for the rest of my life. I didn’t grow up with loving parents. I didn’t grow up with a sibling I was close to. Mama poisoned our childhoods and we grew up strangers, and even when I was old enough to repair the damage she caused, I never did. I’d chosen my side of the line, and unfortunately, it was the side you were on. Now I’m on my side, and Jemma’s.”
My father’s eyes flash. “That who—”
“If you call her a whore, I will shut your mouth, and you won’t like how I do it. Jemma isn’t a whore. She’s going to be my wife and the mother of your grandchildren, grandchildren who will eventually inherit this company. You’ll treat her with respect, or I’ll tell you what I told Mama before she left. You’ll never meet her, you’ll never hold your grandchildren. Think carefully and decide what means more to you.”
He stares at me, but the hard glint is gone.
“I’m willing to repair our relationship, but it will be on my terms. I’m investing in the homeless shelter. I’m refurbishing the buildings and apartments on the 1100 block. I’m building up Oakdale Square, not tearing it down. If you can’t support me while I do those things, it’s best we go our separate ways, but if you can, if you want to give Jemma and me a place in your life, I’ll introduce you to her. I love her, and she’s not going away. Be part ofourfamily, or not. I’m beyond caring.”
My father walks to the door and rests his hand on the doorknob. “I’m retiring and leaving St. Charlotte. Do what youwant with the company. Run it into the ground. You don’t deserve it after all I’ve done for you.”
Without another word, he steps into the hallway and closes the door.
My father is another loss, but I don’t feel as lost and as lonely as when I heard Leo had died.
No,I think, sitting behind my desk in the building that belongs to me,you don’t deserve me after all I’ve done for you.
When my father says he’s going to do something, he does it with the grand theatrics worthy of a Milano, and it keeps me in the city doing damage control longer than I’d like. I put out fires for weeks, with the last of it being an announcement in the society pages. My father and his mistress were last seen off the coast of Florida on his yacht, theSea Bitch, which he said in an interview many years ago was named after my mother.
On a warm, Friday evening, five weeks after I saw my father for the last time, I drive out to Hollow Lake. I haven’t heard from Jemma since she left me standing in Leo’s apartment, and I haven’t texted or called her. I needed to wipe the slate clean of every last thing before I drove to the little town.
This will be my last chance. I know now what she wanted me to know, and I can only pray it will be enough. I waited until I knew her shop was closed for the day, and I park in front of the gallery, the Closed sign visible through the glass.
I brought her a huge bouquet of roses. I haven’t courted her properly, and I’m looking forward to that part of it. I haven’t met her brother or sister-in-law, or her little niece, and it went against my family traditions to buy a ring without her father’spermission. Had we dated the way we should have, I would have met her parents already.
It’s another thing I’ll have to add to the list of things I’ve done wrong and hope Jemma can forgive me.
