Page 51 of Loss and Damages
Chapter Fourteen
Jemma
Awareness fizzes in my veins along with the rosé I drank at the restaurant. Dominic follows behind me and closes the door and it’s just me and him and a lot of secrets. Maybe not so much on his part, he’s never been more than forthcoming when speaking about business, but I’m not going to be able to keep my promise to Leo much longer. Dominic knows I’m hiding something and once I tell him, he’ll stop driving out.
It’s what I need. A relationship won’t last. Not because I don’t think I’d fit into his world, and not because I don’t think he’d fit into mine. Those are only excuses not to do the hard work. No, I like spending time with him, that much is very true, but if it came down to his business or me, he’ll choose his business and I don’t want to be in that position.
I turn toward him. Heat burns in his eyes and I step back. I’ve never been coveted before, never been needed as much as it looks like Dominic needs me. He’s probably had every woman in St. Charlotte, and they let him do whatever he wanted. I like chocolate ice cream best, but vanilla is how I live the rest of my life.
“It’s been a while for me,” I say, warning him. “You’re right. Leo took up all my free time. I never minded, but that left me with very few opportunities to, you know. I’m not adventurous.” I tack that on, hoping to deter him if he thought he had free rein.
“You want to know if we’re going to have sex or make love,” he says, stepping toward me. “I have feelings for you Jemma, but I’m not going to tell you I love you to get you into bed. I’ll be gentle because I care about you, and if you’d like to go a little faster, if you want me to handle you a little rougher, then tell me. But the opposite is also true,” he continues, advancing, forcing me to inch backward toward my bedroom. “If I’m going too fast or doing something you don’t like, you have to tell me. I want you to participate. I’m not going to do this if your plan is to just lie there and tolerate it.”
The tight knot my nerves were in untangle. “Thank you.”
He reaches out and grabs my arm, and I stifle a gasp. He won’t touch me if he thinks I’m scared.
“You want this, don’t you, Jemma? You didn’t invite me in to please me or because this is what you know I want, or because I’m Leo’s brother? If you don’t want me to take you to bed, say something and I’ll leave, or we can pour some wine and sit on your porch. I don’t need to coerce a woman into sleeping with me. I want you to want it.”
I do want it. That’s the problem. I want to erase that hurt look he always has in his eyes that his mother put there when he was a child. I want him to see that he deserves more, that he’s worthy of someone loving him. But I’m afraid of how much that will cost me. How empty I’ll be when he leaves. If I give him everything and he leaves me with nothing.
“I do.”
He nods, his jaw tight. “I don’t have any condoms. I didn’t expect this.”
“I have some.”
“Okay. I’m healthy, Jemma. I know you’ve probably seen a lot of...activity...on the gossip sites, but I don’t sleep around as often as they say I do. I’ve just had a yearly exam, and I’m fine.”
I inch back another step. “I can’t say I’ve been to the doctor recently because I haven’t, but I’m healthy, too. I haven’t been with anyone to pick up anything.”
“I trust you.”
This conversation is so foreign to me, I can’t think of anything to say but, “Thanks.” My cheeks heat and I want to hide. I’m terribly unsophisticated and I’m afraid that’s going to turn him off.
“Let’s have some wine. Do you have more?”
“I always have more.”
He laughs and the tension breaks.
I slide a new bottle out of the cabinet near the dishwasher. “The glasses are above the toaster.”
He pulls them down, my elegant ones that have the long stems and sets them onto the counter with a delicateclink.
Without warning he grabs me by my waist and sits me on the counter where I was this morning while I changed his gauze. He steps between my legs and I hold his face in my hands.
“Were you sad when I told you I see bits of Leo in your features?” I ask, tracing the dramatic slashes of his eyebrows down his cheek to his strong, stubbled jaw.
“Yes, but not because I miss him, though there is that. I used to stare in the mirror when I was a kid and look for all the reasons why my mother didn’t love me. Leo looked a lot like me when we were children, so it couldn’t have been that. She never talked to me, never admitted in words that’s how she felt. It was always there in her actions, the way she would push me aside whenever Leo came running.”
“I’m sorry your parents didn’t love each other. That must have been difficult to live with, too. Did your father treat you well?” I ask, hoping that Dominic’s home environment wasn’t completely devoid of love and affection.
Frowning, he says, “Why would you say that? My mother was the light in my father’s world. They aren’t close now, but when they were first married, when they had me, they loved each other very much. You can see it in their wedding photos. When I was old enough, mynonnatold me the story of their wedding night—the night I was conceived. It was very romantic. Rose petals and champagne. Silk sheets. I think she told me to teach me how to treat women.” He huffs a quiet laugh. “My father has always loved me. I didn’t see him often, but I have a large family and they’ve always done their best to make up for what I grew up without.”
He doesn’t know.He doesn’t know the real reason Athena doesn’t treat him like a son. I’m surprised in a family that has such a rich history of tradition that someone, an aunt, a cousin, hasn’t told him the story of Athena’s college lover.
My heart breaks, but he would never want sympathy. A well-meaning “I’m so sorry” would be interpreted as pity. Pity that a little boy grew up without his mother’s love because he was born to the wrong man.
