Page 15 of Resistance
The sound of Delphine’s palm as it slapped the table caused all three members of the Tanner family to jump and the teacups to jiggle in their saucers. ‘Enough of this nonsense, Paulette, and shame on you. My granddaughter is not just a girl. She is a woman with a brain in her head and a spirit that you could never hope to possess. All over this country and in France there are women fighting their own battle. Like in the last war they will struggle to feed their children, but hold up their heads when really, they want to weep tears of great sadness. They do not give in to the threat of invasion. No, they are doing what they can. There are womeneverywhere, young and old, working on the land or through the night in factories, making ships, bombs and bullets, parachutes and planes, side by side while the fear of another air raid hangs over them. At this very moment, women toil in field hospitals and aboard ships, tending the wounded and dying, far away from home and probably in terrible, terrible conditions, seeing things they will never forget. And you ask why?’
The fury in Delphine’s face was in stark contrast to the look of shame on that of her daughter whereas her granddaughter wore one of pure admiration. Delphine wasn’t finished just yet though.
‘Dottie, please come and sit by me for a moment and leave your maman to her tears and conscience, there are things I need to say to you and if it does not distress her too much, my daughter may listen. Thomas, could you please bring the wine?’
Doing as he was bidden Tommy shuffled off to the pantry while Dottie moved to Delphine’s side. Once the wine was poured for all of them and Paulette, suitably chastised, accepted her glass and took a fortifying gulp, the Tanner’s listened to what the true leader of their clan had to say.
Addressing her daughter first in a softer manner, Delphine forgave Paulette. ‘I do understand the fear in your heart because I too had to let a precious child go. You forget, Paulette, that I have already lived through a war that saw millions of young men go to battle and their deaths. One of them was your oldest brother, my first born, Serge. He is now one of God’s angels.’
At this Paulette nodded as she reached for her mother’s fingers, wrapping them in her own briefly until Delphine pulled them away as she straightened in her chair and continued.
‘Sacrifice comes in many forms, as does bravery but none of us should seek to better another or hold up our pain as a trophy to that end. But we can understand, we must, because by respecting each other, our fears and trials, our mistakes and regrets, we can learn. I had to let Serge go. He was three days past eighteen. I watched him march from our village with the other young men, his friends since they were children. My husband, your papa led the way, his head held high. Some of them came back, Serge did not. You all know this. The day he went away I had no choice, all I could do, all any of us could do was wear our fear with pride and hold it up like a beacon, shining a light on those brave men, hoping it would guide them home.’
Everyone around the table nodded, the sombre mood deepening.
‘Paulette, do you not remember how the women of France came together? Three million farmers were fighting at the front so who brought in the harvest? We did. Once again women must rise up no matter how much our hearts are breaking.’ Delphine smiled kindly at her daughter then took a sip of wine. All eyes were on her.
‘You also know that I left my home in St Malo and came here with you, but you don’t understand the real reason why. It was time to make another sacrifice, this time for my youngest son, for Bernard and his family. Yes, I was bitter, like very bad wine because the farm had been my life, but there was no room for two women in the kitchen, not when one of them was Sandrine. I knew we would never be friends; enemies, yes. I would have made a worthy adversary and perhaps enjoyed myself too much, but Bernard did not deserve that, he is a good man. This is why I left him to run the farm and be the man of the house not a plaything that wife and mother could fight over, pulling his loyalty and affection this way and that. By leaving my beloved home and country I allowed him his pride, something he needed in the face of Sandrine.’
‘But, Maman, you caused such a fuss when we brought you here. You made me feel like I’d forced you to come, saying I would need you in a strange land.’ Paulette looked perplexed.
Delphine shrugged. ‘You did need me, everyone needs their maman especially when babies arrive, and I knew there was one inside your belly even though you didn’t say. Why do you think I capitulated when Thomas asked for your hand? Pah, do you think I am a fool? I could not let you come alone to this land of beefy monarchists and anyway, you would have missed me too much, I know this. Or am I wrong, and all my years of sacrifice were for nothing?’
A hint of a crease at the corner of Delphine’s eye told Dottie she was playing with them, lightening the mood a touch. Her mother, as always, took the bait.
‘Of course, I am grateful, Maman, we all are, aren’t we?’ Paulette had flushed crimson, no doubt at the mention of her pre-marital state.
Thomas remained silent but shuffled uncomfortably, avoiding Delphine’s gaze as she spoke.
‘Well, thank you and in the interest ofcordialité, I feel I should apologise and confess. You see at first, I was angry and confused and so, so homesick and I took it out on you. That was wrong so I wish to say sorry andhopeto be forgiven.’ Delphine pinned Paulette with a stare.
‘Of course, you are forgiven, Maman, isn’t she, Tommy?’ Paulette looked to her husband, eyes round as though willing him to agree.
Tommy smiled and fiddled for his packet of Park Drive. ‘Course you are, Delphie, and anyways, it wouldn’t have been the same without you to keep us in line, that’s for sure.’
Delphine nodded her acceptance while Dottie smiled; knowing that despite her commands and the odd Gallic curse, deep down, Mémère adored her dad, darning his socks, starching his collars, making his favouritegalettes, and most of all allowing him to marry her only daughter. And after all, he was the only person that got away with calling her Delphie.
In the silence, Tommy took a drag of his cigarette then asked a question of his own. ‘But why, in all these bleedin’ years have you refused to speak English, to me anyways? That’s the first time we’ve ever had a proper conversation. And I know you talk to that lot down at the church because none of them canparlez Francais, ain’t that the truth.’ Tommy took another drag and just like his wife and daughter, waited for the answer.
‘Because I am stubborn. I am not afraid to admit this, and it was a way of holding on to who I am, my identity. Keeping the flame alive perhaps and anyway, how would I amuse myself, calling youune lavettewould be no fun if you knew what I was saying.’ Delphine winked at Tommy who was none the wiser.
Coming to his rescue of sorts, Paulette sounded cross. ‘It means lazy, my darling, which you are not, is he, Maman?’
Delphine shook her head. ‘Of course not, I am teasing you, but perhaps it wasma métier, my job, to teach you at least a few phrases, not like our darling Dottie. She has been the very best student of all.’ Delphine reached out and stroked Dottie’s face, pushing a lock of auburn hair from her sea-green eyes.
Thomas chuckled and flicked his ash in the tray. ‘You’re a card you are, Delphie, but I wouldn’t have you any other way, and that’s the truth.’
Feeling the tension in the room ease slightly, it was Dottie’s turn to speak. ‘Thank you, Mémère, if it hadn’t been for you teaching me French and being the most stubborn person I have ever met, I wouldn’t have got the job at the War Office in the first place.’
At this Delphine looked pleased.
‘But it seems to me you have given up so much for others, I’d like to know if you could go back in time, what would you have done differently?’
Delphine huffed, then made a face as though she was considering her answer. ‘Not so much, because really I had a good life. Before I met your grandfather, I lived in a beautiful maison de maître overlooking the bay of St Malo. My parents were well educated as was I, fluent in English and eager to become a teacher, perhaps at a school for young ladies. I was all set to go to Paris where I would study the arts, something regarded as avant-garde by many. But I was lucky to have parents who supported my dreams, my mother especially. She loved to paint and sing, her knowledge of literature was astounding and my fall from grace hurt her more than anyone. But I do not regret throwing it all away for a farmer’s son, how could I reject a love like ours, or that of my beautiful children?’ A glance towards Paulette then she continued.
‘There were hard times, the saddest times, joyful and wonderful times too and for these I am thankful. Of course, I sometimes wondered “what if”, but not too often, not enough to make me restless. There is only one thing that has troubled me that I could do nothing about.’
Once again, all eyes focused on Delphine.
